


Defrayal

by MnemonicMadness



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: BAMF Jim, C'mon it's Tarsus, Cannibalism, Character Death, Character Development, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Dark Jim, Dark fic, Disturbing Themes, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kid Jim, Mental Health Issues, Not a happy story!, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Serious Injuries, Starvation, Survival Horror, Tarsus IV, Trauma, Violence, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-07 13:53:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 45,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4265661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MnemonicMadness/pseuds/MnemonicMadness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first time in his life, things were looking up for Jim. A new planet, a new family, a chance to start anew without his father's shadow looming over him. But Tarsus IV and Jim Kirk cannot end well, and survival comes with a price-tag.</p><p> How far would you go when humanity has become a luxury no one can afford?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Optimism kills?

**Author's Note:**

> Sadly, I don't own Star Trek.
> 
> I'll try to put up individual warnings for the chapters. There will be lots of violence, but any non-con will only be implied, not graphic. This story will also deviate from the information given about Tarsus in the TOS episode "conscience of the king", since this is based on the movie, I think I can get away with a lot.
> 
> English is not my native language, so please tell me if I make mistakes, but I'll do my best! I'm also always open to suggestions and constructive criticism. Comments are love!!!
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Not much, some mentions of child neglect/abuse, nothing graphic.

As he sat on the small observation deck of the  _Amber_ , a bottom-of-the-line civilian transport ship, and watched the stars pass by outside of the warp channel (surprisingly, this ship could reach warp 5), Jimmy Kirk, genius and fuck-up extraordinaire, was perfectly content. That is, if he ignored the way his cracked ribs ached with every breath he took. At least his eye wasn't swollen shut anymore and after a week the headache had faded as well. Maybe he'd even had a concussion this time.

Had his mother bothered to come home before sending him away with less than a week's notice, she might have taken him to a doctor. Or not, considering how furious she had been over him causing Frank trouble. Even thinking the name caused an unpleasant feeling to run up and down his spine. Jimmy resolved not to think of him again, it wouldn't do for that arsehole to ruin his good mood while being light years away.

However his life on Tarsus might turn out, at least the planet didn't have Frank on it. So it could only get better from here on, right? He pointedly ignored the voice in the back of his head that whispered he shouldn't expect anything good because _since when do good things happen to you?_ and decided that some optimism wouldn't kill him. Probably.

It didn't mean that he'd let his guard down, he wasn't that stupid. Jimmy had met his uncle only once and he didn't remember much of it, but surely if he kept his head down and stayed out of trouble he'd be left alone. Well, there was no point in worrying about this now.

He turned his attention back to the window. In the distance he could see Tarsus' blue sun grow slowly bigger as they came closer to the end of the five week journey. The colony on the fourth planet of the Tarsus system, a class M with few native life forms, had been established in 2221 and by now counted 12000 colonists. The main field of work there consisted of agriculture and related scientific research, that was all he'd been able to find out. There weren't many passengers on the _Amber_ and neither they nor the personnel were particularly keen on talking to a 13 year old.

Since he didn't have access to the board computer and he hadn't been able to find his PADD (he suspected Frank had at one point run out of money for his booze) he'd spent his first two weeks on the ship in chronic boredom until he'd managed to talk the chief engineer into letting him help out with small problems, which had not only helped to keep his boredom at bay but also earned him a few credits. Jimmy smiled at that thought, proud of his accomplishment. Those last three weeks of space travel might just have been the best of his life!

A click and some static noise alerted him to the fact that the ship-wide comms had just been swiched on.

 _"Our ETA is in 120 minutes, all passengers please return to your cabins to collect your baggage. Be at the shuttle and ready for takeoff at 1300 hours. All personnel prepare the cargo in bay one and two for transport. And for fuck's sake, someone fix the damn comm unit at cargo transporter 3_ _! Captain out."_

-/\\-

 

Despite his reluctance to leave the ship he could feel some excitement as soon at the planet came in view beneath the shuttle. Its atmosphere glowed electric blue in its blue sun's cold light. He could see that most of the planet's surface was covered in water and though the ocean was too salty to support eukaryotic life, it didn't diminish its beauty. Tarsus IV didn't have a moon and very low air pollution rates, so he'd be able to see lots of stars at night.

After assisting with the repairs of the comm unit, for which he'd been given 50 credits, more than he'd ever had at the same time, and a warm goodbye from the taciturn chief engineer, he'd thrown his few possessions into his duffle bag and had still been early enough to snatch a seat with an excellent view through the side windows and, if he stretched a bit, even the ones in the cockpit.

Now, as they were slowly descending, more and more details of the planet came into view, soon he could see the outline of Tarsus IV's sole continent, cloud patterns and hints of major geological structures. The view was obstructed by the flames outside the deflectors as the shuttle entered the atmosphere, a breath-taking dance of light, created by the blazing heat of the entry and the green glow of the field flaring up to protect them from burning up in the air before the blue scenery, a small battle of colours, lasting only a few minutes, then the white of the clouds was rushing towards them, swallowing the shuttle whole to spit it out, revealing the gleaming silver of the capital city framed by golden crop fields and lush, green forests with a glittering lake further north.

He understood what drew his mother out into the black, had always felt the lure of space as long as he could remember himself, but finally having experienced it himself, the passing of stars beyond the warp channel, those myriads of lights, possibilities, and now the descend onto a new world, he truly _understood_ what made countless men and women do anything in their power to get out there.

For a moment, Jimmy forgot about his concerns regarding his new family, his new life and the memories of his old one, entirely captured by the sight. Laugher of delight forced itself out of him and he didn't feel his ribs hurt at it, nothing bad could happen in such a beautiful place.

The moment had long passed when the shuttle finally reached the space port and underneath his indifferent veneer Jimmy was a nervous wreck. What if his aunt and uncle didn't pick him up? He didn't know their address or even their comm number. What if he made a mistake and they punished him? What if they were like Frank? He shook his head at himself. No one deserved to be compared to Frank when he hadn't even met them yet.

A sign lit up on his seat, signalling that the shuttle was safely docked and he could disembark. Letting out a shaky sigh and angrily clenching his hands when he noticed them shaking slightly, he grabbed his duffel bag and stepped out into the space port.


	2. Hello Innocence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll use Celsius (sorry) and the metric system, since the majority of the world uses it and so I think it'd make sense that they'd use it in the 23rd century (also, I may be too lazy to do it differently).
> 
> Warnings: Again not much, some mentions of child abuse/neglect.

The arrivals hall was not overly busy, but the rest of Tarsus' space port was practically buzzing with activity over the arrival of the _Amber_. The hall was clean, almost to the point of appearing sterile, with white, soft looking seats in the waiting areas, white desks for the staff and many information screens. The ceiling consisted mostly of transparent aluminium through which Jimmy could see the cloudy sky. Where the mellow blanket of clouds was interrupted the blue of the sky shone through, a colour much more intense than Earth's sky would ever be, bathing the interior of the hall in a cool light.

Looking around, Jimmy walked slowly away from the shuttle's docking station towards the door on the opposite end of the hall, trying to delay the inevitable and give himself a chance to calm his nerves. Not that he'd actually succeed in the latter.

The weather specs shown on one of the monitors informed him, that it was 23,4°C outside and the temperature would remain fairly stable over the next month, with a low probability of rain. The other monitors showed different local news reports, but nothing that caught his attention. Without anything to further prolong his way, Jimmy stepped through the wide glass door leading to the exit. There was another hall, this one smaller than the arrivals hall but with a similar furnishing and several more glass doors leading outside.

 _"Welcome to the Earth colony on Tarsus IV. Have a pleasant stay!"_ a female, computer generated voice wished him, then the doors were sliding opened nearly soundlessly, letting a swell of fresh, clean air welcome him.

Jimmy's nervousness reached its peak as he hesitantly stepped outside, looking around with his uncertainty clearly written all over his face. He didn't even remember what his uncle looked like! Many people were in the parking area in front of the port, business men and women talking into their communicators, people leaving for space and those who like him had just arrived, families seeing off or awaiting their loved ones. He felt lost.

Uncertainty morphed into confusion, as his gaze got caught on a family whose children, a boy, probably about 8 years old, and an even smaller girl, were fighting over holding up an obviously handmade sign. Multi-coloured letters on a red background spelled: _Welcome to Tarsus, James!_

Surely they couldn't mean him. James wasn't that uncommon a name. Yet the father seemed familiar to him and had the same blond hair and greyish-green eyes as Winona. The woman at his side, Jimmy assumed she was his wife, had long, red, wavy hair and hazel eyes. Both children had inherited their father's eyes and the girl her mother's hair colour. Not knowing what else to do, he tentatively started to walk in their direction. After a few metres the man noticed him.

"James?"

Jimmy froze when he started to walk towards him.

"James Kirk?"

Jimmy nodded and the man who was apparently his uncle smiled broadly as if happy to see him. The two kids who had observed the exchange instantly forgot about the sign and started running to him, giggling with excitement. Now his probably-uncle had also made his way over to him.

"Hello James, I'm your uncle David, I don't know if you remember me, the last time I saw you was at your mother's wedding, you were only, what, two? Is it okay if I call you James or do you prefer something else?"

"It's okay, but most people call me Jimmy." he replied quietly, but at least his voice wasn't shaking.

"Then Jimmy it is!" the woman joined them, also smiling brightly. "I'm Theresa, your aunt. And these two are Lucas and Ellie."

"Hi Jimmy!" his cousins said simultaneously.

"We're all so happy to see you," Theresa continued, giving him a brief hug, "the kids were really excited to meet their cousin! I hope you've had a good flight?"

He nodded wordlessly, feeling a bit overwhelmed and frowned when David grabbed his small bag to carry it for him but didn't protest, which turned out to be a wise decision as his cousins were struggling with each other over holding his free hand, ending with a pouting Ellie. Though as soon as the little girl noticed that his other hand was now free as well her pout melted away and she latched onto it. Theresa and David laughed at their children's antics and even Jimmy had to smile.

He flinched as David gave him a friendly pat on the back but his uncle didn't seem to notice.

"Come on, gang, let's get you all home, have some celebratory dinner!" Then the blond man bowed down to him as if to tell him a secret. "Your aunt is an amazing cook, the best on the entire planet! I have to work much more in the garden and on the fields now, just so I don't get fat!" he mock-whispered over the happy squealing of the kids at the word dinner.

Theresa smiled and blushed prettily. "Thanks honey, but I'm not _that_ good. My mother..."

"Of course you are!" her husband interrupted her with a loving smile and ended the resulting discussion they'd probably had many times before prematurely by walking to one of the hover cars parked a few metres away, followed by Lucas and Ellie, dragging Jimmy behind them. David unlocked the dark blue hover car, a recent model, and opened the doors for his family.

"Lucas, why don't you sit in the middle, we should let Jimmy have the window seat, so he can see a bit of the city."

With a stern look from his father, Lucas obediently slid over to his sister. He even seemed happy about sitting next to Jimmy.

" _I_ wanna sit next to Jimmy!" Ellie whined.

Her brother gave her a smug smile. "Well, you can't."

"But I wanna!"

"You can't."

Jimmy watched the exchange perplexed. His cousins were arguing about who was sitting next to him because both of them _wanted to_. Theresa chose that moment to try and stop the argument from getting out of hand, before Jimmy cautiously interrupted her.

"It's fine, I can sit in the middle."

"Are you sure? It's alright if you prefer the window."

"I really don't mind."

His aunt let out a relieved sigh and gave him a grateful look. "Thank you, Jimmy! That's really nice of you."

After Lucas had slid out of the car once more, Jimmy carefully climbed in, trying not to put any strain on his aching ribs. His effort was in vain, since as soon as he was properly seated, Ellie smushed herself against his side, making him wince. He barely managed to suppress a pained moan and failed to notice the concerned look on Theresa's face over the rear-view mirror. Quickly he schooled his expression back to neutrality.

-/\\-

 

After two and a half hours, David finally pulled the car into the driveway of the Brown family's white single-family home. It had a two stories and surrounded by an obviously well-loved garden. Jimmy instantly loved the garden. The lawn seemed lush and soft, the waist-high hedge replacing a fence made the place look more inviting while giving some privacy, flowers were blossoming and, as Theresa told him proudly, there was a herb-garden and two apple and one cherry tree.

His uncle locked the car and led the family inside. The house's interior appeared to be just as well-loved as the garden, small decorations and holographs made the house homey and warm. The entire place seemed to glow with a happy atmosphere. The living room, kitchen and David's and Theresa's bedroom as well as the main bathroom were on the ground floor, the children's rooms with an additional bathroom were upstairs, on the first floor.

"Lucas, please show Jimmy his room while I heat up the food." Jimmy's aunt said on her way to the kitchen.

Immediately Lucas grabbed his hand again and practically dragged the older boy to the stairs, eager to show his cousin around, David on their heels, carrying Jimmy's bag in his hand and a squealing Ellie on his shoulders. His room was rather simple, painted in a light green, furnished with a wardrobe, a shelf, a desk along with a chair and a computer, a mirror and a very comfortable looking bed. On the bedside table stood a vase with flowers and a small bowl of sweets, a card with the word "Welcome" leaning against it.

David carefully sat his bag down onto the desk. "If you want you can start putting your things away, the food should be ready in 15 minutes, we'll call you then. Since you don't have much stuff with you, maybe we could take you shopping tomorrow, that is, if you feel up to it, I'm sure the flight was exhausting. If there's anything you need, just tell us. Do you like the room?"

Jimmy smiled tentatively at him. "Yeah, it's really nice. Thank you."

David beamed. "I'm glad. I'll leave you to it now. Theresa will make me clean up the kitchen if I don't help her." He winked and proceeded to shoo his children from the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Once he heard the click of the door shutting, Jimmy finally relaxed, grateful for the moment of privacy. The drive had been filled with his aunt and uncle questioning him about his hobbies, school, favourite foods et cetera, to most of which he didn't really have an answer. Luckily the constant chatter of his cousins had saved him from going too much into detail. He'd learned that Ellie was five years old and Lucas would turn eight next month. Both David and Theresa worked at the local research facility, though David also helped out on the fields on the weekends because he enjoyed the physical work.

Thus distracted, he hadn't actually seen much of the planet, the city had rushed by in a flurry of silver and green, with flashes of golden crop fields between the suburban houses towards the border.

He sat down onto the bed, _his_ bed. The mattress was soft, the sheets silky. There was a window over his desk and, perhaps the best feature of the room, another one in the roof, right over the bed. He'd always loved stargazing. Maybe it had something to do with the circumstances of his birth, but he'd always felt a special connection to them. Now he'd be able to fall asleep while watching them; that thought made him smile.

He got up and arranged his few possessions onto the shelf and into the wardrobe and waited for his new family to call him down for dinner. Soon enough there was impatient knocking at his door accompanied by Ellie's voice:

"Jimmy! Jimmy! Come eat!"

He opened his door and smiled down at his cousin, then carefully, as not to jostle his ribs too much, picked the little girl up and carried her on his hip. His ribcage gave an unpleasant twinge but his cousin's delighted laugher and his aunt and uncle's warm smiles as he entered the kitchen with her were entirely worth it.

Dinner smelled wonderful. The table was full of different kinds of food, human and alien alike. Jimmy couldn't remember ever seeing this much food in one place, in fact, he couldn't even remember the last time he'd had an actual home-cooked meal. His mother avoided him as much a possible, as he was nothing but a painful reminder of her dead husband, and she'd always hated cooking. Frank, well, Jimmy thought himself lucky if he could get his hands on some non-perishables once a day.

He gently sat Ellie down, who took a seat next to her brother, leaving him the seat at the head of the table. His stomach growled, but he waited patiently until his aunt gestured for him to take some of the food.

The red-haired woman smiled warmly at him. "I hope there's something you like, I didn't know your favourites, so I thought I'd give you some choices."

Jimmy, tearing his gaze from the feast in front of him, nodded and murmured "Thank you." with a small smile, feeling once again overwhelmed by the kindness his new family bestowed upon him.

Next to him, Lucas was the first to begin eating, reassured by this, Jimmy dared to take his first bite as well.

His eyes fluttered closed in bliss and he was unable to suppress an appreciative moan as the flavour seemed to explode on his tongue, though he flushed in embarrassment when David chuckled softly.

"You didn't understate her cooking." Jimmy said, making David laugh louder and Theresa blush.

"Thank you, darling, I'm glad you like it."

Conversation then came to a halt, for everyone was too busy eating. Even his cousins had stopped their bickering, which seemed to be their normal state, in favour of the delicious meal. Jimmy practically inhaled his food, stuffing as much as possible inside him so he didn't have to be hungry tomorrow. A small voice in his head told him that it was unlikely that Theresa and David wouldn't give him anything to eat the coming days, but years of being hungry and instinct won out.

He flinched away and froze mid-bite when his uncle gently touched his arm. "Slow down, son, you'll make yourself sick. There's enough for the next few days!" he said softly.

"And if you get sick you can't eat dessert." Lucas added, turning big grey-green eyes to him as if that was the saddest thing imaginable, though judging by the dinner, it might well be.

He nodded and did his best to continue eating in a much more reasonable pace.

-/\\-

 

As it turned out, it would have been a very sad thing indeed to miss out on dessert, which they'd had in the living room while watching a holo-movie. They'd even let Jimmy pick the movie, as long as it was okay for Ellie to watch. He'd decided on a holo-remake of an old animated movie about a self-proclaimed supervillain trying to steal the moon. Over the course of the movie, he'd begun to feel a little more at ease, enjoying himself with his family. But the feeling evaporated when his cousins were send up to get ready for bed, while he was asked to stay.

"We wanted to talk to you about the house rules." David started.

Dread filled him. All too fresh memories about the myriad of tasks he'd had to do back in Riverside and the punishments when he was unable to complete them or broke some rule he didn't know about pushed to the forefront of his mind. His uncle saved him from falling too deep into his thoughts by giving him a half fondly amused, half concerned smile.

"Don't worry, Jimmy, it's not too much."

He waited for the boy to nod before continuing. "Everyone needs to do their part of housework. You'll need to help either lay or clear the table and once in a while help me or your aunt with cooking or in the garden, when we ask you to and we expect you to do your homework before going out or meeting with friends."

"Also," Theresa interposed, "you should try to keep your own room somewhat tidy. You're too old for a bedtime, right?"

He nodded carefully. He'd never had a bedtime.

His aunt smiled. "Good. I guess that's all we'll ask of you. It's not that much is it? If you have any questions or you need anything, anything at all, just come to us, okay?"

Again, he nodded.

David grinned. "Great! Now, about tomorrow. Like I said earlier, I noticed you didn't bring much stuff with you, so I thought I could take you into the city to get some new clothes and whatever else you might need. You don't need to worry about money, it's all on me. And if we still have enough time afterwards and you feel up to it, we could drive to your school so you can take an aptitude test. You won't be in a grade with only people of your age but rather with those who are on the same skill level. I think it's a much better system than the schools on Earth have. Is that alright with you?"

"Yes, thanks." He felt stunned. His uncle offered to spent time and money on him and maybe he finally wouldn't be bored at school.

"Oh, and Jimmy?"

He turned his electric blue eyes back to Theresa.

"If you don't mind, would you be okay with watching your cousins every once in a while? Sometimes both David and I have to work late."

Jimmy smiled genuinely, feeling honoured by the trust she put in him to watch over her children. "Of course, no problem!"

She hugged him but let go immediately when she felt him tense. "Thank you, Jimmy! That's all for now. Unless you have any questions?"

He shook his head. "Thanks. I think I'll go to bed now. Good night."

"Good night, Jimmy!"

-/\\-

 

Later, when he was just about to slip into his bed wearing a ragged, big shirt for the lack of pyjamas, there was a soft knock on his door.

"Yes?" he called.

The door opened and his aunt stepped softly into his room.

"I'm just checking in, see if you have anything you need." Her eyes flew over the shirt but she didn't comment.

"Yes, thank you."

"That's great. Good night, Jimmy, sleep well!"

"You too, Theresa." he answered quietly.

She smiled and left.

Finally alone, Jimmy relaxed and made his way over to his bed, lying down so his head was directly beneath the window. The clouds of the day had cleared, uncovering the billions of stars behind them. Their sight was soothingly familiar but with constellations he'd never seen before. As he lay there, his somewhat too thin body covered by the soft sheets, he thought about the day.

His main emotion was relief. His aunt and uncle seemed to be kind, loving people who took great care of their children, his cousins cheerful and apparently they liked him. For the first time as far as he could remember, he allowed himself to think that he might be happy here.

-/\\-

 

"He looks exactly like George. Those eyes..." David said absentmindly when his wife slid into their bed next to him. "My sister hasn't been the same since he died. I don't even recognise her anymore! And that message she sent us, I don't understand, Jimmy's a good kid!"

Theresa wound her arms aroud her husband's waist. "I'm worried about him, Jimmy's just skin and bones. And he's too quiet for a teenager. At first I thought maybe he's just shy but that's more than diffidence."

"So you noticed?"

The red-heired woman gave him a questioning look.

"The way he jumps whenever someone touches him."

She nodded sadly.

"I told Win when she told me she was getting married to that Frank guy, that he's not good people. I don't trust him. How can she just run off and leave her kids with him? I mean, one of her sons runs away, the other drives a car off a cliff, and she doesn't even check on them. How can she not see that something is going really wrong there? It's that Frank!"

"Do you think he...?"

David let out an unhappy sigh. "I don't know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! There'll probably be another 2-3 chapters like this, but then everything's gonna turn into hell in a handbasket, I promise!
> 
> I'm eternally grateful for any comments!! I really want to hear any opinions and/or suggestions you might have!!!


	3. Stitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I've been away and didn't have internet. But at least this one is long.
> 
> Somehow my end-note from the first chapter ended up at the end of the second one. Does anyone know what's going on there and how to make it stop? (This story is the first thing I've written on AO3, so I don't know how anything works yet.)
> 
> Warnings: Mostly same as the first two, but with language. Don't worry, it won't stay this light for much longer.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Any comments are more than welcome!

Jimmy's foot teetered nervously while he sat in front of the classroom, waiting for the first lesson he would attend at his new school, advanced xenobiology, to begin. The school was very modern with an interior similar to that of the space port, white hallways occasionally interrupted by a seating accommodation or a screen displaying local news, timetables or school events. It consisted of three separate buildings, one for the primary classes, which as he'd learned Lucas attended, one for middle- and one for high school, nestled in a spacious school yard.

Only yesterday his uncle had taken him to the principal to take his aptitude test. Jimmy had declined the offer to take off the rest of the week to get settled, after all there was not much he could do, he didn't know anyone yet and Theresa and David had to go back to work. He'd been more than surprised that they both had taken two days off for _him_ when his own mother couldn't even be bothered to call on christmas.

He pushed those unhappy thoughts down. The first students were arriving, all of them much older than him. They gave him a smile and a "Hello" which he returned but didn't acknowledge his presence much beyond that.

-/\\-

 

_"Uncle David?" Jimmy's voice was small but sure, catching his uncle's attention upon entering the school ground. The scientist smiled down at his nephew._

_"Yes?"_

_The boy hesitated and looked down at his feet, biting his lip, causing his uncle to stop walking and crouched down a bit in front of him so Jimmy wouldn't feel threatened. His voice was gentle and reassuring._

_"What is it, Jimmy?"_

_"Could you... maybe... Is it possible..." he trailed off but drew a deep breath at the encouraging look the adult gave him and started anew._

_"Would it be possible for me... for you to... maybe enrol me under your last name?  Or just not my name, it doesn't have to be yours, just any name that's not Kirk because my father... Everyone always looks at me like... with so much pity and they ask me about it and I can't even_ remember _any of it and I look so much like him, at least that's what everyone says, because I wouldn't know and..."_

_David interrupted his rambling, which had gained more and more speed after the initial question was out, by carefully laying a warm hand onto his shoulder, his green eyes filled with sympathy._

_"Of course you can use our last name, I'm sure that won't be a problem. I'm glad you asked." With that he got back up and continued to lead a relieved Jimmy towards one of the buildings._

-/\\-

 

_The principal, a short man in his late fifties with a balding head and a pounch, gave him an impressed look as he received the results of Jimmy's aptitude test a few minutes after the teenager had taken it, then turned his gaze back to David and smiled broadly._

_"Mr. Brown, I think myself lucky to welcome your nephew at my school!" He then addressed Jimmy: "You have one of the highest scores I've seen in my entire career, congratulations! So unless you prefer otherwise, I'll enrol you into this year's graduating class."  
_

_Jimmy nodded, smiling faintly. He'd thought about underachieving as not to draw attention to himself, but his pride hadn't allowed him to in the end. He supposed it might even turn out to be the better decision._

_"Very good." the principal continued, "There are even two students of your age in your grade! _We have a broad spectrum of classes you can choose from_ , you'll be required to pick six subjects and one recreational study." He handed him a PADD. "Please, take your time."_

_For the next 15 minutes Jimmy considered his options, in the end deciding on quantum physics, mathematics, engineering, xenobiology, interspecies ethics and Federation history, from the different recreational studies he settled on martial arts. Satisfied with his choices he handed the PADD back to the principal who nodded and smiled, informing him he could either start the next day or on Monday._

-/\\-

 

From the other end of the hallway Jimmy could now see what seemed to be the two students the principal mentioned coming towards him. Both looked human and appeared to be about his age and were engrossed in friendly banter. The boy looked to be at least 10cm taller than him, then again Jimmy was rather small for his age. He had floppy brown hair, about chin-length, framing a round face with brown eyes, lightly tanned skin and a sunburn on his nose, he looked carefree and open, his frame still holding some of his baby fat.

The girl was shorter, maybe Jimmy's height. Her eyes were big and dark blue bordering on purple, suggesting some alien influence. Her skin was very pale, a sharp contrast to her pitch black hair. It was shorter than the boy's, the longest strands barely reaching her high cheekbones, and rather messy. Her posture seemed almost cautious and she regularly lifted her attention from her friend to subtly scan her surroundings, so she was the one who spotted him first.

She hurried over to him, leaving the boy perplexed for a moment, and smiled.

The boy ran to catch up and panted "Hi!" whe he reached them, streching his hand out. He introduced himself as Tommy Leighton, apparently in the beginning of his puberty vocal change.

Jimmy shook his hand but the girl spoke before he could answer.

"You are James T. Brown, right?" Her voice was pleasant, deep for a girl and a bit smoky, her accent British combined with something else he couldn't identify.

He nodded and shook her hand as well. Where Tommy's hand had been warm, soft and slightly damp, her skin was dry and her grip verging on too hard, but her smile widened.

"You can call me Jimmy." he addressed both.

The girl tilted her head slightly, studying him. "Lexx Guevara. Nice to meet you, Ji..." she trailed off, tilting her head a bit further before continuing: "Jimmy doesn't suit you."

"Why not?"

Instead of answering him her eyes flickered to another approaching boy and she waited until Tommy went over to greet him before speaking again.

"Because Jimmy is a kid's name. And you're obviously not a kid."

He gave her a confused look. "I'm thirteen."

"Age can be measured by other things than the time of your existence." Lexx replied cryptically. "What does the T. stand for?"

Jimmy was slightly taken aback by her sudden change of topic but quickly regained his metaphorical footing.  "A very bad idea of my parents." he joked with a grin, making Lexx laugh. She then motioned for him to join Tommy and the other boy.

"Oi, Mike!"

Mike looked maybe two years older than him, Tommy and Lexx, was taller and somewhat muscular, with dark blonde hair and grey eyes, looking questioningly at Lexx.

"Mike, meet JT, our new support for the sandbox squad!"

"JT?" Jimmy muttered quietly to himself and then shrugged, deciding to humour the girl for now.

Mike smiled broadly at him. "Hi JT, nice to meet you."

They shook hands as Tommy elbowed Lexx. "Stop being weird!" He ignored Lexx' fake-indignant "Oi!" and her small punch to his upper arm turning back to Jimmy.

"Don't worry, she's the only one who calls us that."

"Sandbox squad?" Jimmy repeated, bemused.

Tommy nodded. "Because we're much younger than the others in our grade. Most of them are between 17 and 19."

"Most of them are pretty nice though." Mike's warm tenor joined the conversation, "We just don't hang out that much with them, outside of school of course. Usually we do a lot of group work, so you'll get to know the others quickly. I actually like school here. My family moved here three years ago, before that we lived in Colony 3 on Mars. The school there was _so boring_. Here most of it is pretty challenging."

"I wouldn't go _that_ far, but at least some of it is quite interesting." Lexx muttered.

"I was born here, at least you've seen more than this planet, Mike, stop complaining." Tommy then turned to Jimmy. "Where are you from?"

"Earth, Iowa. Some backwater town called Riverside."

"Did you move here with your family too?"

Jimmy was beginning to feel uncomfortable with this line of questioning. He shook his head. "Nah, I live with my aunt and uncle. Just arrived two days ago, actually."

Tommy's eyes widened with sympathy. "Oh, that sucks. Why didn't you come with your family? You gotta miss them a lot, don't you?"

Now definitely feeling uncomfortable, Jimmy gulped. His eyes flickered around the hallway nervously while he was trying to come up with a normal sounding answer that wasn't a total lie and for a moment his gaze met Lexx's.

"Guys, since JT hasn't been here for long yet, I reckon we should show him around some time." The girl said. "How about tomorrow, after school? Or maybe this weekend?"

Promptly Tommy and Mike started to discuss the coolest places in the area and in which order they should visit them, their previous topic forgotten and oblivious to the grateful look Jimmy threw Lexx. She held eye contact for a second, her expression unreadable, and then turned around in time to see a Bolian girl walk around a corner. Her skin was mostly light blue and darker on the ridge running over the middle of her head, with darker stripes running from it over the skin of her bald scalp. She looked about 15 years old by human standards. As soon as Mike saw her, he left an open mouthed Tommy staring at the spot where he'd stood a moment before and stormed over to greet her with a kiss.

Tommy sighed, turning to Jimmy once again. "That's Andina, Mike's girlfriend." He shot Lexx a half-hearted glare when she added "Obviously."

"She's really nice, once you get to know her," he continued, "but the two of them are like attached by the hip since they got together.”

When the young couple reluctantly stepped apart after a while, Jimmy, or he supposed JT now, was introduced to her properly, though she was apparently shy and didn’t speak much. Her cheeks and ears flushed in a darker blue as she realised that everyone had watched the enthusiastic greeting of her boyfriend, making her look younger and innocent. She was quite beautiful. The teacher’s arrival saved the alien girl from her embarrassment.

-/\\-

 

As it turned out, the Leightons were colleagues of Theresa and David, working at the same research institute. Tommy was an only-child and his family lived close to the school, further in town than Jimmy. He wanted to join his parent’s field of work once he graduated from school, albeit on another planet, since he’d spent his entire life on Tarsus.

Mike lived with his parents in one of the villages surrounding the city, his mother working as a kindergartener and his father had a small restaurant. He and Andina had been together for a month now.

Andina had moved to Tarsus a year ago after receiving a scholarship and lived with a foster family with two younger sisters in the same village as her boyfriend. Her parents and older brother, whom she missed dearly, lived in Toronto, Canada.

Joseph, a black boy at the age of 12 whom Jimmy had met during the lunch break, had two older siblings and lived close to Tommy with his mother - a secretary - and his grandparents. He was two grades under Jimmy and the others he’d met that morning.

Another member of their group was Oscar, a 14 year-old with Latino roots, a nine year-old sister and a golden retriever. He was one grade below Jimmy and, just like Joseph and Tommy, had always lived on Tarsus.

All he knew about Lexx was that she lived alone as an emancipated minor and he assumed she hadn’t been on Tarsus for long.

In the distance he saw his aunt pulling the hovercar into the school’s parking area to pick him and Lucas up. He waited until everyone in their small group was distracted with chattering and pulled Lexx to the side, not missing the way she tensed as he grabbed her arm, letting her go immediately. She smiled an open smile that didn’t entirely touch her eyes.

“ ’Sup, JT?”

“What did you mean this morning?”

She raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“When you said that I’m not a kid since age could be measured in different ways, what did you mean by that?”

The raven-haired girl looked away for a second. When she met his gaze again her smile was smaller but more genuine, a hint of sadness in her eyes. “Children are naïve and innocent, they haven’t seen enough of the world yet to be cautious, they don’t need to be, since in their experience everything is nice and safe and pretty. That’s what makes them children. Some people get to live their entire lives without ever experiencing what a gigantic shithole the ‘verse can be, they get to stay children. For others it’s the other way around. Call me a cynic, but I think the number of years one has lived are less relevant for the age than the amount of shit one has seen. And you’ve seen a lot, haven’t you? That’s why you’re not a child anymore.”

Jimmy took a moment to observe her. The barely noticeable tension in her every muscle, the hidden weariness in her eyes, the way she was constantly aware of her surroundings, how she flinched away from physical contact and he could find all of those things in himself. He understood what she was trying to say and nodded.

“Guess it takes one to know one.”

Her smile widened and she chuckled quietly. “Indeed. Also, you might want to get those ribs of yours checked out.”

He was about to ask how she knew but before his discombobulation abated a child’s voice reached him.

_“JIMMY!”_

The blond boy whipped his head around and his gaze found his cousin, jumping up and down and waving enthusiastically when Jimmy saw him and he waved back. When he turned back he only just saw Lexx disappearing around a corner, so he called a quick “Bye!” to the rest of the group and jogged over to the car.

Theresa greeted her nephew with a bright smile and a brief hug, which found an abrupt end when Lucas grabbed his hand to drag him to the other side of the car where a boy about Lucas’ age stood, eying Jimmy with curiosity. The boy was a few centimetres shorter than Jimmy’s cousin, with short brown hair and hazel eyes.

“That’s Jimmy, my new big brother I told you about!” Lucas addressed the boy proudly, like having Jimmy as an addition to his family was an accomplishment. The older boy felt a lump forming in his throat, not only at his cousin’s pride but also at being introduced as a brother rather than a more distant relative.

The brunette child grinned at him, a touch of awe in his gaze. “Hi Jimmy!”

“That’s Kevin,” Lucas continued, now turning back to Jimmy, “he’s my best friend! We’re having a sleepover today!”

Kevin nodded zealously.

“Come on, boys! Get into the car!”

After getting the two boys settled, Jimmy took the seat next to his aunt. “The Rileys, Kevin’s family, live a few houses down the road from us. Lucas and Kevin have known each other practically their whole lives. So, how was your first day? Did you have fun?” she asked while starting the engine and leaving the parking lot. He smiled and nodded. “I think school will be much better here than on earth. I really like my quantum physics class. The rest seems pretty interesting too, but my xenobiology teacher is annoying.”

She laughed. “Well, nothing’s perfect. Did you get along with your classmates?”

“Yeah, they’re all nice so far, though most of them are much older than me.”

“I guess that’s the price for being such a genius.” He almost flinched at that comment, but instead of mockery her tone was brimming with pride and her eyes were filled with so much motherly affection that when he dared to meet them they warmed him to his core. “I noticed that you already made some friends…?”

Again, he nodded. “Four of them are in my grade, and Tommy and Lexx are as old as me.”

“Tommy? Do you mean Tommy Leighton?”

“Yep. He said you might know his parents?”

“Yes,” the ginger woman affirmed, “David and I work a lot with the Leightons, we both work on the effects of terraforming on agricultural plants, especially different grains. They are really nice, I’m so glad to hear that you and Tommy get along! We should all have dinner together some time. If that’s okay with you.”

“That’d be cool!”

“Now, tell me about the others!”

-/\\-

 

Theresa wiped the sweat from her forehead after finally having gotten her son and his friend to go to bed and cleared away the dishes. Her husband was upstairs, reading a story to their daughter, so as she had a minute to herself, her thoughts strayed to Jimmy, who had just left for his room after helping her clear the table.

What a relief it was to finally see him open up a bit. He had seemed happy to indulge her inquiries after today’s experiences, the first time he was truly invested in a conversation, rather than just quietly observing. A warm smile graced her face as she remembered how his expression had glowed when talking about the subjects he was interested in. That was how a child should look like, not the weary, hyper vigilant aura he usually had just under the surface.

She remembered the written message from her sister-in-law they had gotten just a week prior to Jimmy’s arrival. Its tone had been harsh and plain untrue, depicting Jimmy as a despicable troublemaker. Despite never actually having met the woman in person, Theresa knew she was well on her way to despising Winona Kirk. She would never even think of speaking about one of her children in that way, like they were nothing but an annoyance to her, not even if they were to behave like Winona had accused Jimmy of. Theresa liked to think herself a fairly good judge of character, but even a blind man could see that Jimmy Kirk was indeed a good kid.

She sighed and then jumped up from the kitchen chair she had been sitting on upon remembering that she’d been meaning to ask her nephew if he needed any utensils for school. Her bare feet padded over the wooden stairs and floorboards as she approached Jimmy’s door and opened it, in her exhaustion from the day forgetting to announce her presence.

“Jimmy, I just… oh, I’m sorry, I…” The words were stuck in her throat as her heart clenched painfully in her chest and her eyes started to burn with angry tears at the sight.

The boy was in the process of getting changed for the night, leaving his upper body bare. His skin stretched over his ribcage, every bone clearly outlined through the lack of body fat. To make matters worse, the right side of his torso was mostly discoloured by fading bruises and the ribs underneath their epicentre were misshaped, clearly having been broken and growing back together improperly. It looked painful.

Theresa gasped. “Oh shit, Jimmy! What happened?” she asked although an answer was already starting to form in her head, her voice breathy and trembling. She swallowed hard. “Why didn’t you tell us? We need to get you to a doctor!”

Jimmy’s eyes widened. “I’m fine, really! It’s almost healed, doesn’t even really hurt anymore. I’ve had worse.”

The young woman choked, unable to prevent a tear from escaping at the boy’s last statement.

Guilt filled the teenager’s face at seeing his aunt cry. “Please, don’t worry, it’s fine, honestly. I’m alright!”

She shook her head. “You need a doctor! This must hurt terribly! Please, let us help, put on a shirt, there our family’s doctor isn’t too far from here. I’ll just tell David, I’ll be back in a second, okay?” She threw him a pleading look. Reluctantly, Jimmy nodded.

-/\\-

 

Ellie had just fallen asleep as Theresa ripped the door open, but David’s mild irritation instantly morphed into concern when he saw his wife in tears. He took her into his arms, but instead of allowing his embrace she grabbed his wrists and pulled him out of their daughter’s bedroom.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Jimmy. He didn’t tell us, his ribs are broken. I’ll bring him to Doctor Harold.”

 _Shit!_ Taking in his beloved’s exhaustion and emotional state he shook his head. “No, you’ll stay here, I’ll go.”

Theresa just nodded.

Intense worry flooded David mixed with guilt. He cursed in his head, he should have seen something, should have noticed it, why didn’t he _notice_? As he reached Jimmy’s room and caught a glimpse of the bruising as the kid carefully pulled a shirt over his head cold rage joined the maelstrom of emotions. Rage at his sister, who had obviously ignored her child’s injury and at her husband, whom he suspected of causing it in the first place. The break had obviously started to heal, so the time frame would fit.

He took a deep breath to calm himself, lest he’d frighten his nephew. That would be the last thing Jimmy needed right now.

 _Fuck!_ He hoped that the kid perhaps hurt himself on his journey. Sometimes spaceships experienced turbulences, especially those built for transport. Or maybe he’d tripped somewhere or gotten into a fight with his peers because if he didn’t, if David’s growing suspicion proved to be right…

He really didn’t want to think about Jimmy and his brother living for years with this… this _untermensch!_

Once he felt he didn’t look like he was about to murder someone anymore he cleared his throat to draw the boy’s attention. Jimmy was hesitant to meet his eyes and obviously uncomfortable in this situation but held his gaze.

“Are you ready to go?”

A nod.

David smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. “I’ve known Dr Harold for years, his practise is maybe a ten minutes away. He’s usually still there doing paperwork at this time of the day.” He paused. “Look, Jimmy, I’m not going to force you to go, but I really think he should take a look at that.” He gestured vaguely at his torso. “It that alright?”

“Yeah, okay.” The teen attempted a smile which turned out to be more of a grimace but in this case it was the thought that counted.

-/\\-

 

After a few minutes David had given up his attempts at small-talk to lessen the tense atmosphere, and if he was honest trying to do so seemed oddly inappropriate in face of this situation. Once aware of the issue, he began to notice all the subtle clues that had escaped him before; the slightly abnormal way Jimmy held his body, the caution in his movements to avoid jostling the injury, how he held onto the seatbelt in order to relieve the pressure it put on the broken bones.

When they finally arrived at the doctor’s house, a few kilometres downtown from the Brown’s home David pressed down the old-fashioned button of the doorbell until a balding man in his mid-fifties opened the door of the small practice with a disgruntled expression.

“David!” Dr Gordon Harold exclaimed surprised. “What can I do for you at this hour?”

He quickly stepped aside to grant the pair entrance.

“Hello Gordon. This is Jimmy, my nephew. He arrived the day before yesterday.”

“Good to meet you, Jimmy! How can I help you?”

David threw him a half questioning, half encouraging look. Jimmy sighed.

“It’s my ribs. I think I cracked them a while ago but I didn’t see a doctor about it. They’re already better though.”

The doctor nodded in acknowledgement, gesturing towards a smoked glass door. “Let’s take a look at it then.”

“Do you want me to come with you or would you prefer it if I waited here?”

The blonde glanced at his uncle. “Is it alright if you wait here?”

“Of course.”

-/\\-

 

The next twenty minutes seemed to be the longest of David’s life, crawling along agonisingly slow as he paced around the waiting room, unable to silence his thoughts long enough to settle into one of the comfortable chairs. In his head all the signs of Jimmy’s discomfort or possible earlier mistreatment he’d missed were playing on an endless loop.

After her husband died – _sacrificed himself_ – his older sister had been heartbroken. More than that, she was shattered, a piece of her missing. The brilliant, ambitioned, strong willed yet compassionate young woman he’d known his whole life had died the same moment the love of her life did, an empty shell, a mere shadow of who she’d once been and might have become taking her place, hollow and cold-hearted to the point of cruelty. She was still stubborn as a mule, yet the strength of her will was no longer born out of passion, but rather just out of habit.

He still remembered the time when they’d still lived on earth and Winona had gone off to Starfleet academy. George Kirk, as he’d told him one time, had immediately been taken with her, regularly asking her out for almost a year, never giving up despite her repeated rejections - _some things_ , he’d said, _are more than worth the wait and effort_ \- until Winona had agreed to one date, just to make him stop asking. That one date immediately turned into two, then many more and after just one year, George had proposed. They’d made the perfect couple, so everyone agreed. While George calmed Win’s impulsiveness and made her more open towards other people and their opinions, she believed in him and gave him the confidence to reach his full potential, both bringing out the best in the other.

George Jr. was born and when Win announced her second pregnancy, the young family couldn’t have been happier.Until that fateful day on the Kelvin.

For the first two weeks after George’s death, Win didn’t eat and it took her nearly a month to speak again. From what David had heard, as most of this occurred on board the rescue shuttle, during this time his sister also refused to feed or even hold her new-born child. The image of his sister leaving the shuttle with unsteady steps, her eyes bloodshot and _vacant_ , a nurse carrying her baby while tears were still running down her face was seared into his memory.

He’d moved in with her for the first week after she’d been released from hospital to help her settle in and care for the then two years old George Jr. who was from that day on called Samuel, and new-born James, but she’d thrown him out. Back then he’d still been convinced that his big sister would return to a semblance of her normal self, but as time passed the realisation dawned on him that the Winona he knew was gone. While in the beginning she still tried to treat Samuel as before, David’s arguments with her were the only times she showed genuine emotions and she still couldn’t even look at James.

He had to admit, although it shamed him, that he sometimes found it hard as well. The boy was even in infancy almost a mirror image of his father and the resemblance was becoming only more pronounced. He – _they_ – had hoped his eyes would like Samuel’s turn the typical grey-green colour of the Brown family with age, but they’d retained their bright, almost inhuman blue.

Two years later she remarried, for her new husband a way to access money for his drinking habits, for her an excuse to leave her children behind and bury herself in her profession. Frank already had a record for violent behaviour, he obviously disliked kids and said drinking habits were developing into full-blown alcoholism but Winona refused to acknowledge any of this, the arrangement too comfortable for her.

David had argued constantly with her to the point of her denying him any contact with his nephews and after he’d met his Theresa they’d only made the obligatory birthday-and-Christmas calls.

Thinking back on this, he dearly regretted not having pressed harder to see James and Samuel and ignoring the bad feeling he’d always had about Frank. Seeing Jimmy hurt and underweight and too cautious for any child his age made his gut churn.

The glass door opened, saving him from his musings. David lifted his head and looked into the concerned eyes of his family-doctor.

“How bad is it?”

The older man sighed. “Two ribs broken, one cracked and there’s evidence of a recent concussion. The ribs were already partially healed but of course without medical attention the bone didn’t grow straight, so I had to re-break them. He’s now under osteo-stim and should stay there for another one-and-a-half hours. We should do it again tomorrow afternoon, no sports for two weeks and he’ll be fine.”

He had the distinct feeling that this wasn’t all the doctor wanted to say, but the other hesitated.

“What else did you find, Gordon?”

Dr Harold rubbed his temples as if to relieve an impending headache and his frown deepened, taking a deep breath. “He’s your sister’s kid, right?”

He nodded.

“David, this isn’t the first time he’s had something like this. Though not a bad as these ones, most of his ribs were at least cracked once, there are other healed breaks in his hands and toes, the bio-bed showed old haematomas, all untreated, there are scars and he’s underweight. He didn’t tell me where he got those injuries and I didn’t want to push him but, at least to me, it looks like…”

“…he was beaten.”

Now it was his turn to bury his face in his hands.

“Shit. _Fuck!_ That sick bastard! I should’ve known! That fucking _cunt!_ ”

Harold put a gentle hand on his shoulder. David looked up, to the door separating them from his nephew.

“I’ll make sure he’ll never get near Jimmy again, I swear, whatever it takes! Not while I’m breathing!”

-/\\-

 

“You’re good to go, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Yeah. Thank you, doctor.”

“Any time, hopefully not too often though.”

The door of the practice shut behind them and Jimmy smiled relieved. Even though he still held himself more tense than usual, he could now move easier, the pain almost gone completely. Despite his initial discomfort (he hated doctors, still, he had to admit that he’d liked Dr Harold) he was now glad to have agreed to this. At least for the next five seconds.

“Jimmy?”

“Hmm?”

His uncle cleared his throat. “How did you break your ribs?”

Nope, definitely not glad anymore. He squirmed a bit in the car seat, hoping it would go unnoticed, and shrugged. The adult sighed wiping one hand over his face.

“I won’t make you tell me anything, so you don’t have to, but I really want to help if I can. And even if you don’t now, I hope someday you’ll trust me enough to tell me. Listen, Dr Harold told me that it looks like this isn’t the first time something like this happened.”

Why did he ever like that doctor again?

“I know, kids run around, sometimes do stupid stuff and get hurt, but not like that and not that often.” David continued. “This didn’t just happen. Who did this to you?”

The pleading look his uncle wore was almost enough to make Jimmy give in. _But what if he doesn’t believe me? Mom never did, Frank got_ that _right._ He just shrugged, unable to meet that adult’s eyes. A knot started to form in his throat, there seemed to be no win in this situation; either he’d continue his silence and face his uncle’s and probably also his aunt’s disappointment, he’d tell the truth which would cause him trouble for his in their eyes false accusation of his stepfather (who knew, in the worst case they might even send him back, he really didn’t want to think about that one) or he’d come up with made-up reasons for all those injuries and end up sounding like those pathetic women trying to justify their abusive relationships he’d occasionally seen on reruns of bad soap-operas sowing on TV when Frank had forgotten to turn it off before sleeping off his perpetual inebriation. None of those seemed like a valid option.

Surprisingly for once the universe took mercy on him in form of David’s next question, again delivered with an exhausted sigh and a slightly shaky voice:

“Please, Jimmy, tell me. Was it Frank?”

Jimmy’s head snapped up so fast there was an audible crack in his neck and gaped.

“Fuck! It _was_ him, wasn’t it?” It took him a second but he managed a stunned nod.

“Shit. I’m sorry Jimmy, I should’ve known, I’m so, _so_ sorry!”

The rest of the drive was spent in silence, from time to time interrupted by David muttering curses under his breath.

-/\\-

 

As soon as Jimmy had left the room to go to bed, David stormed over to the long-range-communication console in the living room. After a few minutes and some more choice words to the poor communication officer to clarify the importance of this call, Winona finally answered from what looked to be her quarters.

She looked tired, her blonde hair messy and deep circles beneath her now dull eyes.

“What do you want, David? I’m working. If this is about Jimmy, sorry but there’s nothing I can do now. I told you, if he’s too much to handle, find something else, but Frank can’t deal with him and neither can I. I don’t have time to search for other options. I know, he’s a pain, but…”

All sympathy he’d felt at his sister’s rumpled appearance evaporated as sheer rage exploded in him.

“ _What the hell is_ wrong _with you?! You know, I’ve tried to support you! I’ve done everything I could! But for once this isn’t about you and your misery! Damn right, this is about Jimmy! Your_ son _, if you forgot that! Do you have any, just the slightest idea what he’s been through?! What this_ cunt _you call husband did to him?!_ ”

Winona was about to answer, possibly protest but her brother didn’t let her. “

You don’t even give a shit, do you?”

“I’ve got no idea what’s gotten into you, Dave, but…”

Instead of outright yelling David’s voice now lowered to barely more than a whisper and turned colder than the vast darkness of space itself.

“You have until tomorrow to transfer the permanent custody of Jimmy to me and maybe, if you’re really lucky I won’t press charges because of child abuse and neglect against you and that fucking bastard. Do you understand? You’re never gonna come near him again, neither of you, or I swear on the life of my kids I _will_ shoot you. I hope those papers tomorrow are the last thing I’ll hear from you in a very long time.”

Without giving her the chance to reply he ended the connection.

When he turned around, Jimmy stood in the hallway, his cerulean eyes shining with tears and amazement, a shy, wondering smile on his face.

“Sorry, you shouldn’t have had to hear this, that was…”

The _inappropriate_ never left his mouth as the boy gave him an unexpected hug. And if a tear or two escaped from the man’s own grey-green eyes at the child’s whispered thank you, well, no one had to know. He smiled kindly at Jimmy once they both let go.

“Did you mean it? I can stay?”

“Of course!”

“What will Theresa say to that?”

“She won’t have any objections, I’m sure of that. Now, I think we could have a midnight snack. After all of this I’m kind of hungry. What about you?”

The teen grinned. “Starving!”

-/\\-

 

Winona spent twenty solid minutes staring numbly at the empty screen after her little brother had ended the conversation so abruptly. Somewhere deep in her soul, her mother’s instinct was howling in agony, but its voice was lost, drowned amidst the ocean of heartbreak and loss she carried always inside her ever since _he_ died.

 _Maybe it’s for the best._ Then she went to prepare the necessary paperwork to fulfil her brother’s request, burying herself in the task before she could dwell on the fact that her ocean seemed to just have gotten a lot deeper.


	4. Memento Mori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slices of life. But I promise, they're all relevant for the story!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, after I got that whole 'introducing characters' (hate that stuff, so boring to write) thing done last chapter, I can finally get started! Shit's hitting the fan!  
> I'm making several time jumps in this one, in case that isn't obvious.
> 
> Warnings: again child abuse (this time graphic), some malnourishment/starvation, language, violence, still rather tame though

"Really JT? I know you didn't pack the sweater I gave you! You'll get cold!" Theresa scolded her adoptive son, shaking her head fondly.

The teen rolled his eyes. "Mom, it's the middle of summer! It's like 35° outside! Also, it's not like we're in a different solar system, if I do get cold I can just call. Or even _walk_ home!"

"You're not walking through the forest in the middle of the night by yourself!"

"I won't be alone and because of that, in the unlikely case I'll get cold I can just borrow something from Tommy or Mike!"

David laughed as he entered the living room, having heard them arguing. He ruffled JT's hair affectionately and gently kissed his wife's cheek.

"He'll be fine, sweetheart. He's going on a camping trip, not a deep space mission. It's warm outside, he's with his friends and the food you packed him would be enough for an entire army. For a month!"

"It's not _that_ much!"

A knock on the door thankfully interrupted the rather repetitive discussion. Soon Lucas's footsteps could be hears thumping on the stairway accompanied by the eight-year-old's cry of "I'll get it!" and predictably followed by the lighter steps of his sister. JT could see his cousin - and since six months ago adoptive brother - racing past the doorway to the living room through the hallway, Ellie hot on his heels, which prompted their mother to hurry after them.

"Lucas, I told you not to open the door alone!"

Ignoring her the two siblings struggled for a moment with each other to grab the door handle before the boy ripped the door open, accidently hitting his sister's elbow with it. Ellie froze for a second, then her face scrunched up in preparation for a wail which would have a way too high number of decibels but, to the great relief of the rest of the family, her tears were forgotten the instant she saw who was standing on the doorstep with a raised eyebrow and an amused smirk.

"Oi there, Lucas! Spitfire!"

 Lexx entered with a grin, messed Lucas' hair with both hands and then picked Ellie up and spun in a circle, making her squeal delightedly and her brother laugh at the picture. After she sat the little girl down she had to give the boy his turn before she could greet her best friend with a brief, one-armed hug, the other arm claimed by Ellie.

"Hey, how's it goin'?"

"Great! It's so weird to be out of school, I don't even know what to do with all that free time."

"Speaking of that, I did ask about a free position for you, they don't know yet, but if I call in some favours, I'm sure they'll get you a place. Pay's probably going to be shite at first, but I told them that's not an issue, right?"

JT nodded. "Thanks, that'd be awesome!"

Lexx chuckled. "Who knows, they might make me your superior."

"In your dreams!"

Since shortly after her arrival on Tarsus just two months prior to his, Lexx had had a position as a research assistant at one of the planet's numerous research facilities and with their graduation a month ago she'd finally been promoted and could now work on her own projects. Though she was as young as him, her status as emancipated had allowed her to find work and it was undeniable that she was a genius.

The girl looked up, noticing JT's aunt and tensed a bit, though her countenance remained just as open and friendly.

" 'ello Mrs. Brown!"

"Good morning! And you should really start calling me Theresa."

"Thank you, but next time perhaps, ma'am."

This was a ritual they had developed. Though she had soon become his best friend and almost like a big sister for his cousins, visiting the family several times a week, she'd retained some of her wariness towards JT's adoptive parents. Not that he could blame her, it had taken him months to get over his. The final big step for him had been addressing Theresa as 'mom' for the first time about three months ago. It had been accidently, just something that slipped out during a random conversation after having his cousins nag him about calling their parents 'mom' and 'dad'  like they did for weeks, but after looking into Theresa's teary eyes glowing with affection and pride, her expression both humbled and moved, he had found himself unable to take it back.

David offered to make tea while JT collected the rest of his baggage and Lexx accepted gratefully.

She looked down at Ellie who was still clinging to her arm, watching the older girl with an adoring expression. The brit smiled, the rare, fondly-amused and entirely genuine smile she seemed to reserve solely for JT's cousins.

"Sorry Spitfire, but I'll need that arm back. I left me stuff out front, since I didn't expect to stay for a prolonged amount of time."

-/\\-

 

Gordon Harold sighed when he could finally close the door to his practice after one of his most taxing patients, an old lady in her 140s. Loneliness had made her quirky, stubborn and hypochondriacal.

As he stepped into his small office he was surprised to see his computer terminal glowing. He was certain he'd shut it down before seeing his patient! With a suspicious frown he slowly walked closer to his desk and gasped.

Several files were open on the screen, a loading bar on top of them: 'Copying Data at 97%"

He tried to press 'cancel' but the screen didn't react. He pressed harder. Nothing. Nearly punched the point on the screen. Still nothing. He then attempted to close the open files, again the controls didn't react.

98%

As a last resort he tried to shut the entire terminal down, to no avail. Harold decided to look which files were being copied. It took him a second to recognise them.

99%

His patient records! Those were his _fucking_ patient records! He let out a frustrated yell and now actually did punch the screen, forced to sit idle as confidential data was being stolen from his computer right under his gaze.

'Process complete. Copying successful. Sending files.'

This loading bar moved considerably faster than the previous one. After it was complete as well, the open files closed, one by one, almost as if to mock him, then the terminal shut down, leaving him staring at it for what felt like an hour yet no time at all, trying to comprehend that someone had just hacked his computer.

He never noticed that the camera had been turned on as well.

-/\\-

 

"That was Tommy, he's not coming. Again. That's like what, the fifth time now?" Mike pocketed his communicator with a frown.

Lexx frowned as well. "He has been acting quite strange lately, hasn't he?"

JT, who sat next to her, exchanged a significant look with Mike and Andina. He had been nearly as close to Tommy as to Lexx for a while, but in the last few weeks they had barely spoken to one another. The reason was the massive crush on Lexx Tommy had developed, his jealousy of JT's closeness with her had poisoned their friendship.

The girl in question let her gaze flicker between her friends, oblivious of the source of the problem. "What? Am I missing something?"

Mike cleared his throat. "Actually, yes."

"Well? Are you going to enlighten me?"

"I can't."

"You mean you don't want to."

"I shouldn't tell you."

"Are you bloody serious?" She sent help seeking glances at JT and the Bolian, who both shook their heads. Lexx pouted. The silence that stretched between the four friends was slowly but surely turning awkward. Somewhere a small animal made the undergrowth rustle. A small breeze let the leaves of the trees overhead dance and with them the small patches of blue sunlight skittered over the ground. The surface of the lake, the one JT had seen from the shuttle at his arrival, rippled, sending blue sparks frisking, seemingly competing with the brilliant blue of the sky. The air was sizzling with heat and smelled of dust and the nearby crop firlds. Once again he was struck by the beauty of this planet.

The good weather had been holding for weeks now, the sunshine and warmth was drawing countless people outside, but this end of the lake, located further away from the city and its surrounding villages and for the last few kilometres only accessible by foot was blessedly empty. They had set up their small camp on a clearing near a small, sandy cove at the foot of the mountain range and would stay there overnight, Mike and Andina sharing one tent, he and Lexx the other.

The pale girl nudged him roughly with an elbow and gestured towards the young couple with a mildly disgusted face, who were giving each other heated looks. "Want to go for a swim? I reckon we should give those two some privacy."

Mike cleared his throat awkwardly and the blue-skinned girl blushed prettily. Then they both locked eyes again. JT rolled his and laughed. "Yeah, we should do that."

"Right. I'll go get changed before I need to pump meself full of insulin from watching youse." Lexx mumbled, walking towards the cove as he went to collect his swimming trunks from his tent, the sound of Andina's giggle following him.

He always felt somewhat uncomfortable walking around with his upper body bare. There was a big, rugged scar on his side where he'd fallen off a tree when he was six and a branch had hit him. It would've been easy to fix with a dermal regenerator, but that would've meant a trip to a doctor. Eight scars of varying length and thickness ran over his right shoulder, the lowest one ending next to his right acromastium. He'd been ten and dropped several dishes while cleaning them, causing Frank in his drunken stupor to strike him with a broken bottle and while he'd been fast enough to avoid the original target - his throat - being slashed, he couldn't dodge the broken glass entirely. Lucky for him, Frank had lost his balance right after taking that swing and didn't manage to gather sufficient balance to stand back up, giving him the opportunity to escape to his room and bolt it shut. He'd spent three hours leaning against his bed trying not to pass out from the blood loss while he did his best to sew the deeper lacerations shut, his hand shaking from pain, shock and weakness, his fingers barely able to hold the needle, made slippery by the sticky, red liquid steadily leaking from his shoulder, running in first warm but rapidly cooling little streams down his soft skin. More scars mottled his skin, small round ones, maybe half a centimetre in diameter, rather harmless looking but _oh so painful_ and prone to infections. Cigarette burns. Why anyone would still smoke them despite their harmful potential being known for centuries was beyond him.

It wasn't that he was ashamed of his body, but he didn't want others to ask questions. He was a good liar, if necessary, but he disliked lying, particularly to his friends. So he hurried past the couple who conveniently only had eyes for each other and barely spared him a glance, calling "Have fun!" after him.

He jogged along the small, winding trail of soft sand through the trees, until the forest gave way to the waterfront. JT looked around for his best friend. He gasped when his eyes found her, his own discomfort forgotten. As Lexx was fond of joking: _No matter what, there's one thing you can always rely on: It can_ always _get worse_ _._

She stood with her back to him, already changed into her bikini, about to grab the black sun shirt she always wore when swimming. To prevent sunburn because of her pallor, or so she'd said, JT had never had reason to doubt that until now.

Aside from a few patches, none of them bigger than a few square centimetres, her entire back was covered in scar tissue, most of it old and gleaming silvery in the light, interrupted by some newer, pinkish scars. Some were long, thick streaks, covering the entire length of her back, others smaller with diverse shapes, some a bit raised, level or slightly concave.

He'd seen the ones on her arms and legs, many small cuts and some burns, not unlike his, but it was an unwritten law in their group that one didn't speak or ask about Lexx' time before Tarsus. Not even he did, despite having told her about his stepfather's abuse. She'd listened to him with utmost patience and understanding, comforted and calmed him since he'd taken to calling her after his nightmares, so he'd always assumed her story was similar to his and hoped she would open up to him in time.

One ran along her spine, from hairline to where it disappeared under the fabric of her bikini bottom. It was perfectly straight, always parallel to the vertebral column, it looked strangely neat, tidy. _Surgical._

Her hand loosened, the black shirt fell from her grasp and hit the sand soundlessly. When she finally turned around her face was expressionless. The front of her torso had less scars, but was almost worse all the same. The ones there - there had to be around twenty, maybe more - were of the same type as the one next to her spine, straight, precise, _deliberate_. That was the reason JT could feel a shiver of dread running down his back. His were caused by accident or in anger, in moments where control was lost. And she had plenty of those too. But the ones he looked at now were the opposite, controlled and caused with intention.

He finally met her eyes and almost flinched. The look in them was hard and cold, something he had occasionally glimpsed but never seen long enough to identify.

"Like what you see?" Her voice was, if possible, even colder. _Don't you even fucking think about asking!_

JT swallowed hard and lowered his gaze for a moment, signalling that he understood.

Like someone flipped a switch, her posture relaxed and she grinned. "Guess I won't be needing that blasted shirt now. Slows me down. Race ya?"

He smiled nervously and ran off with her into the water. But even when they returned to the campsite after swimming to another cove, climbing in the mountains there and finding and exploring a rather large cave with a hidden entrance, laughing and joking as usual, the coldness in her eyes wasn't entirely gone.

-/\\-

 

"What do you mean, 'it's not ready'?!"

"Sir, I know we're on a tight schedule, but I assure you..."

"Why? Why aren't you done with something you should've finished until _last week_?!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but..."

"I'm not hearing a reason!"

"Some key elements are missing, information that is absolutely _crucial_ to..."

"Do you have any idea, _any idea at all_ , of how perfect this window of opportunity is?! Let me tell you, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!"

"Yes, I know, sir, but..."

"You clearly don't! Now get out and start working, you have three weeks, and not a day more."

"But sir...!"

" _Get out!_ "

Theodore Higgins suppressed an annoyed sigh and some rather unkind words and settled for closing the door behind him a little rougher than strictly necessary.

 

-/\\-

 

_"What the fuck are you doing there, you worthless piece of scum?!"_

_Jimmy flinched and scrambled back as fast as he could. In the brief silence after the adult's yelling the sound of beer dripping from the knocked-over bottle on the kitchen table to the floor sounded strangely portentous._

_"I asked you a fucking question!"_

_"I'm sorry, it was an accident, I swear, please, I'm sorry!"_

_The first blow hit him against his cheekbone, making his vision swim and his legs stagger. He tried to grasp the edge of the table but missed by several centimetres, sinking helplessly to the floor. The first tears started rolling down his face against his will._

_"Who do you think is fucking paying for that?! It's not you, you pathetic little cunt! This is_ my _fucking beer! Paid from_ my _fucking money!"_

_Actually, it was his mother's money, but by now he knew better that to say this out loud. With every expletive coming from the man's mouth a kick was delivered to Jimmy's torso. The first few hits were always the worst, the ones before the adrenaline and endorphins kicked in and dulled everything. He remembered the anatomy PADD he had permanently 'borrowed' from the library and curled in on himself, protecting his head, lungs and spleen. Those he really didn't want to get injured, that would easily become life-threatening._

_Then he couldn't think much anymore, the haze of agony drowning out everything. He absently noticed that someone was screaming in pain over the insults Frank still yelled. Him, it was him screaming. Two bones in his fingers snapped with a horrifying crack at a particularly strong kick at his head, the sound seeming unnaturally lout to him, echoing through his skull._

"It's not real. You're alright."

_The voice was wonderful, despite its weird accent calm and soothing. It didn't belong here, in this room, with Frank. Jimmy wanted to protect the voice from his rage, but he was only seven, he was too small, too weak. He wanted to tell it to go away, get to safety, but he clung to it._

"You're fine. Open your eyes. It's safe. You're safe."

_The pain receded, the kicks became weaker but the panic stayed. He let the voice carry him away while the panic threatened to overwhelm him._

"It's only a memory. It can't hurt you. He can't hurt you. You're safe."

Jimmy opened his eyes, his body shaking, breathing much too fast and much too shallow. He felt like he was suffocating.

"There you go. You're safe."

Two slim, pale hands appeared in his field of vision, slowly and carefully grasping his. He flinched, expecting agony to rip through him when they touched the fresh breaks, but it didn't hurt, his fingers weren't swollen, yet his hands were bigger than he thought them to be.

"It's alright. Can you look at me?"

Slowly he lifted his head, looking at the face the calm voice belonged to. His bright, inhumanly blue eyes met darker, purplish ones. Still he felt like he was choking, panic taking over. The pale hands gently squeezed his bigger ones.

"C'mon, breathe with me. Can you do that? I'll count for you. Breathe in, slowly, one, two, three, four..."

The voice belonging to the dark blue eyes kept counting, four seconds to breathe in, seven seconds to hold his breath, eight to breathe out. Again and again, with every time he felt his heartbeat slowing, more air entering his lungs and the fog in his head slowly lifting. Slowly his memories were returning and he started to register his environment. Which turned out _not_ to be the kitchen of the Kirk farm in Riverside.

"Okay, you're doing great. Now, can you tell me your name?"

"Jimmy."

Was that disappointment flashing over the dark-eyed girl's face? He started to feel panic again, but before it overwhelmed him again the girl smiled.

"That's a kid's name."

A memory appeared, but he couldn't quite hold on to it, it remained just out of his reach.

"Do you recognise me?" the girl with the weird accent asked now, "What's my name?"

 _Name, name, name, name, name..._ His breathing quickened. What was her name?

"It's alright. You're safe. It's alright. I want you to look around. Can you do that for me? Look aroung and tell me what you see."

"Wardrobe. Window. It's dark outside, there are stars, so it's night. Walls. Bed, I'm sitting on it. Mattress on the floor."

His eyes returned to the girl. She looked so familiar! He knew her, had known her for a while. 'Kid's name', that was familiar too. A word worked its way through the fog of panic in his mind. He took a deep breath.

"Lexx."

She smiled brightly. "Now we're getting somewhere. What's your name?"

"JT."

"How old are you?"

"Fourteen."

He had done this before. _They_ had done this before.

"Where are you?"

"On Tarsus IV."

"And?"

"I'm safe."

Memories kame rushing back to him, both of his nightmare and his real life. Two days ago he'd been camping with Mike and the others. It had been rather late yesterday evening that Lexx had knocked at their door, a few weeks ago he had asked her if there was a chance he could work at the same research institute as her, and yesterday the management had confirmed it, so she had driven out to tell him the good news personally. Because of the late hour, his adoptive parents had offered her to stay overnight. And then he'd had a nightmare. JT buried his face in his hands, a flush of embarrassment covering it. Lexx chuckled at his groan.

"Sorry. I woke you up, didn't I?"

"Doesn't matter. Pretty bad this one, huh?"

JT nodded. "Thank you. For, you know, doing that thing. Did I wake Ellie?"

"No worries. I don't think so, at least I didn't hear anything."

Lexx looked at the clock on her PADD. "Not much point in sleeping now, we have to get up in an hour anyway."

"We could make breakfast, I think Theresa would be really happy not having to do it today."

"Sure, though I must remind you of the last time I stepped into a kitchen."

JT laughed. His best friend might be a genius, but she was completely incapable of cooking even the simplest of meals. "Don't worry, I won't let you 'lexx' it!"

She elbowed him. "Oi, piss off! I wasn't _that_ horrible!"

"You _melted_ _the pot!_ How did you even do that?"

"I only melted part of it. And it was _my_ pot. I can melt it if I want to."

They tried to keep their friendly bickering to a minimum while walking down into the kitchen after getting changed, to avoid the rest of the Brown family being woken. Once there, JT frowned in confusion. Both the fridge and the cupboard next to it were nearly empty. Since Theresa loved cooking, JT knew them to be full at all times. He turned around and met his friend's sober gaze.

"It's the draught. The farmers lost almost half of the crops this year, since we can't afford to water every field because if we did we might run out of drinkable water soon. Same goes for the livestock. Drives the prices upwards and now there's a limit to the amount you can buy."

"Can't they desalinate the sea water?"

She shook her head. "Indigenous microbacteria. They have no idea what effect they have on the ecosystem and on us. On the bright side, I think we've got everything for pancakes."

JT stared at her for a moment dumbfounded, then went to make pancakes, declining her offer to help with a mock-terrified expression, while Lexx chattered on about her work. The project she had chosen was about genetic weaknesses to parasites in different crops, trying to understand them, find correlations and evolutionary advantages these weaknesses might have in other uses. He listened attentively, until his aunt walked in, rubbing her sleepy eyes.

Like he thought, Theresa was delighted at having breakfast being made by someone else. She hugged him tightly and kissed his forehead and gave Lexx's shoulder an affectionate squeeze, unlike him not noticing her tense. Soon David greeted them as well and jogged upstairs to wake JT's cousins.

Theresa had offered to drive the two teens to the institute, where they both parted ways.

The research institute, like most official buildings on Tarsus, was white, squeaky clean and very modern. JT didn't have to wait long to be picked up by a man from the personnell management introducing himself as Alfons Higgins. He was probably in his early forties, bald and clean shaven, friendly but very professional. He gave JT and his aunt a stack of papers and explained which ones to sign, and, after Theresa had said goodbye, gave him a tour of the rather impressive building. It had three different wings, two for labs and the canteen and one for offices and the main focus was on agricultural research, with smaller side projects. The scientists worked mostly independently, with a lot of leeway to guarantee the success of their individual projects, or a Higgins put it "Brilliant minds shouldn't be confined- and we have the best!"

"As a minor, you'll be working a maximum of six hours a day, five days a week as a laboratory assistant, I understand that you have experience from school with lab-work?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"Good, for an entry position, this suffices. For now, you'll be working on the genetics project of Miss Guevara."

JT didn't know whether he should roll his eyes, laugh or both. Higgins opened the door to one of the labs, revealing a smugly grinning Lexx sitting at one of the four tables.

"Surprise!"

-/\\-

 

The five men of which the governing board of the colony consisted all wore grave expressions.

 "Gentlemen, our situation is increasingly alarming. The current draught has already cost this colony 58% of its resources. As you know, the storages are nearly exhausted, and at the current rate our food will run out in approximately eight weeks. The closest relief ships are two weeks space travel from here, and that still leaves out the time it would take to coordinate this operation, gather the necessary goods and load the ships. The current ion storm is another issue, as we cannot use long-range communication for what our astronomers predict to be another four weeks at least."

"We need to start rationing!"

"We have seen what happens, after the initial limitations there were already smaller unrests. What do you think will happen when we truly start controlling the amount of food our citizens receive?"

"For once I completely agree with councilman D'Artan. The unlimited access to food is one of the basic rights for all sentient beings in the Federation! How can you even think of taking that from them? We'd have a riot on out hands! And god knows, that's the last thing this colony needs right now."

"With all due respect, councilman Pellon, what this colony needs first and foremost is _not to starve_! The lives of our citizens are our top priority! Which is why, I repeat, we have to start rationing!"

"We definitely need to find a solution, but still I think introducing rations at this point is somewhat premature. As I said, we still have enough for eight weeks."

The argument went in circles for another ten minutes, until the one councilman who had until now kept his silence - a man in his forties with red hair, a peculiar moustache and beard, a receding hairline and calculating, light-brown eyes - cleared his throat.

"Councilman Kodos, you have been unusually reserved."

The red-bearded man stood up and placed his hands on the table, giving each of his colleagues a piercing look.

"Gentlemen, as it undoubtly hasn't escaped your notice, we are faced with a crisis that threatens the very existence of this colony, our home, and yet here we are, those in whose hand the responsibility, the _duty_ , to find a solution lies, bickering like children about who is more right than the others. Respectfully, my good colleagues, this is frankly ludicrous. More than that, this is downright disgraceful! Personally, I agree with councilman Gruber, though we still have resources for eight weeks, we need to act now, while we still have some margin of error. As much as it pains me, rationing seems to be our only option. Mr D'Artan, Mr Pellon, I can understand your reluctance to take this step, truly, but counting on our luck that the ion storm will be over in time for us to call for help and hold out until it arrives is an arrogance that will cost _thousands_ of lives! This being said, must repeat that, with all due respect, the behaviour shown in this room today is unacceptable. Which is why I propose that we elect a temporary governor. We need the ability to make fast decisions if we want to make it through this crisis, something that cannot be ensured in a council that holds sessions of several hours for multiple days until reaching a decision a single man could have made within minutes."

-/\\-

 

  _"Now the breaking news: Lawrence Pellon, the temporal governor who was elected only a week ago, died in a tragic car accident on his way to his house in the east district at around 2300 hours last night. The police ruled out the involvement of a third party. He is survived by his wife and son. We express our condolences to the family. His place as governor of Tarsus IV will be taken by his former colleague, councilman Kodos._

_"As the draught continues to hold, governor Kodos announced that food will be rationed until Starfleet has been called for relief aid, long range communication is still interrupted by the ion storm, which according to..."_

-/\\-

 

"Sir?"

"What is it now?"

"Good news, sir. The pathogen is ready and at your disposal."

"Finally. Come what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest day. Tell me, Theodore, have you ever read Macbeth?"

"Can't say I have, sir."

"A terrible shame, truly. Even after all those centuries, Shakespeare's works remains unmatched."

"Uhm, sir?"

"What?"

"There's also bad news."

"Out with it!"

"The guy who acquired the medical data for us."

"What of him?"

"He also hacked the cameras, to supervise the downloads. He checked the last of the footage this afternoon, and apparently one of them noticed the download. Some guy named Gordon Harold."

"That was three weeks ago, Higgins! What in god's name has taken him so long?"

"I don't know, sir. Should we dispose of that Harold guy?"

"If you are capable of doing so without causing suspicion, yes."

-/\\-

 

Theresa threw a longing look at the kitchen. Sure, she completely understood the necessity of the rationing, but it had been two weeks since she'd been able to cook a proper meal. She missed it, missed the careful selection of the ingredients, the steady yet delicate motions to cut them just right, the hiss at putting the first of them in the sizzling oil of the pan or the skilful avoidance of splashing when sinking them into the boiling water, the vapor, the meticulous measuring of the spices... She could go on for hours! Cooking was her form of meditation, a way to relex both her body and mind.

David and her had done their best to keep the true extend of the colony's dire situation from their children, at least from Lucas and Ellie. JT had long since picked up on it and had unspokenly agreed to help them keep his cousins as happy a possible. More often than not he claimed not to be hungry anymore, so the younger children could eat their fill, though she and her husband did their best to pre-empt him, but he had noticed this as well and pointed out that he still got lunch at work. The boy was too perceptive for his own good!

Yet despite their effort, Lucas was beginning to ask questions, and David, JT and herself were visibly starting to lose weight. Only months ago she'd joked with her beloved spouse about having to diet, and now...

A knock. She stood up from the sofa and went to the door, opening it. Lexx gave her a bright grin that didn't reach her eyes.

"Good afternoon, Mrs Brown!"

The way the girl was always tense around David and her reminded her of JT in the first few weeks after his arrival, only that while the boy had opened up and thrived under their care, his best friend, almost like another daughter to her now, couldn't seem to shake her wariness. Not for the first time she wondered about what her story might be.

Tired and stressed as she was, Theresa decided to skip their little greeting ritual for once.

"Lexx, it's good to see you! Come on in!"

The girl thanked her and, once inside, headed straight for the kitchen. Now Theresa noticed the white bags, one in each hand, the teen carried and proceeded to set it atop the counter.

"Though I'm not Greek, I come bearing gifts."

"What's all this?" The ginger woman walked over and opened the bags. She gaped, both were filled with non-perishables and had to amount to a week's ration.

Now Lexx' grin did reach her eyes.

"Since I'm a legal adult and apparently no one bothered to check my age, I get a full adult's ration. Small thing like meself can't eat all that, so I figured you might have use for that."

Theresa took a moment to examine her. She'd grown a lot in the months after she'd first met her, her physical development not unlike JT's, but now she looked smaller, more fragile. There were rings under her eyes, her shirt seemed to fit more loosely, the belt two holes tighter than the one frayed and worn from frequent use, her cheeks had started to sink in. Theresa shook her head, lifted the bags and handed them back to her.

"Thank you, really, thank you so much, but I can't take this."

Two pale hands gently took the bags and placed them back where they'd been a moment before. When Theresa looked up, she found it hard to believe that such a youthful grin like she'd just seen would have ever crossed that face. There was a deep sobriety in those dark blue eyes, and it made Theresa feel although _she_ were the child. Lexx grasped her upper arm carefully.

"Please, take it. You need it more than me, I have lived on far less. And if not for yourself, take it for your family. Please."

She nodded numbly, staring after the girl as she smiled and left without another word.

-/\\-

 

Once again the sun was mercilessly burning down on the parched land. The once flourishing garden was now just as barren as the surrounding streets, the flowers shrivelled, brown leaves falling from the trees. There was no wind to make the oppressive heat more bearable, not even the slightest breeze, and the effort it took to fan his hand exceeded the cooling effect it had by far, so JT settled for sitting as motionless as possible in the door frame, only moving to wipe his sweat from his forehead whenever it threatened to run into his eyes. He mentally shook his head in incomprehension as he watched Lucas and Kevin kick a soccer ball around the dried grass, though he could see they were tiring quickly. Ellie had given up a few minutes ago and was now sleeping against his side.

From inside the muffled voices of his adoptive parents and the Rileys quietly debating how much the children should be told could be heard. Although fully aware of the situation's gravity, JT had followed their request to watch over the children without protesting. Maybe he would have, but the lack of nourishment was starting to take its toll on him, making itself known through lethargy and dizziness when he got up in the morning. Last week the rations had been reduced again.

Schools had been closed down, partly due to the heat, partly because of the riots in the city, and with the latest cuts of the rations, a curfew had been introduced.

Kevin walked up to him, panting. "Do you have something to eat? I'm hungry."

JT handed the boy a muesli bar, ignoring the way his own stomach rumbled. Kevin beamed. JT looked at the sun still rising higher with narrowed eyes, it was soon going to be too hot to stay outside. Carefully, so he wouldn't wake her, JT bent down to take Ellie into his arms.

"Come on, guys, let's go inside, it's getting too hot and you don't want to get a sunstroke, believe me." One stern look from him had the two boys cease their whining, Kev picked up the ball and they trotted inside after him. He went to lay the sleeping girl in his arms into her bed, but predictably, as soon as her head touched the pillow, the big, green eyes shot open.

"JT, I'm bored."

Lucas tugged at his arm. "Can you read us a story?"

Ellie and Kev nodded eagerly in agreement.

"Sure, but it's not long until lunchtime, we won't have enough time for a whole story."

"Please? Just tell us a short one! You could make one up."

JT thought for a moment, then pretended to consider a while longer while the three children made their best puppy eyes at him. He gave an indulgent smile and sat down Indian style against Ellie's headboard, Lucas high-fived his best friend and Ellie snuggled back against his side. He cleared his throat.

" _Once upon a time, there was a beautiful queen with hair of gold, who ruled over a big, beautiful country, together with her husband, the king. They were fair rulers and their people loved them, and soon their first son was born. But as the queen was pregnant with their second child, they were called to the borders of the kingdom, to defend it against an evil sorcerer. For seven days and seven nights, the king and his brave knights fought against the sorcerer, and in the end, they could defeat him only at a high cost: He died to save his kingdom, the queen and their new-born child._

_"The poor queen returned to the castle with a broken heart, unable to even look at the younger prince who was born that night, the reminder of her dead love was too painful. After a few years, the beautiful queen decided that she could no longer rule the kingdom alone, so she married again. Her new husband and stepfather of the two princes was an evil man, who only wanted the queen's power for himself. Because of her broken heart, the queen couldn't see that, and when the new king sent her away, she went without protest, leaving her sons behind._

_"He was very mean to the princes, feeling threatened by their claim to the throne, so he had them do the work of the lowest servants, hoping they would leave. Underneath the castle, there lived a big, red dragon, an ancient monster, centuries old. The late king had captured it so both the creature and the people of the kingdom could live in peace, but the new king used the dragon to scare the people, so the older prince left with the people, leaving his brother behind._

_"That night, the red dragon got loose and attacked those who had stayed behind, so the remaining prince went after it, and after three days, he could finally slay the red dragon. But after one of the king's knights brought him back to the castle, the king saw his opportunity: he exiled the prince for slaying his dragon. Now homeless and alone, the prince wandered the lands for weeks, until he reached a new castle. The queen and the king of this castle were very kind, so the prince asked to become a knight and swore to protect their children, a handsome young prince and a beautiful princess, from any kind of evil that might come their way._ "

Kev frowned. "That's a sad story."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because in the end the prince can't go home, and he's not even a prince anymore, he's just a knight."

"But isn't it better to be happy as a knight than unhappy as a prince?"

The boy considered this for a moment, then nodded.

-/\\-

 

JT met Tommy and Joseph at the edge of the forest. Both his friends were starting to lose weight.

"What's going on, you said it was urgent?"

"I called Lexx too, she should be here soon, then I'll show you."

Tommy had broken their silence five days ago by apologising for his behaviour and JT had gladly accepted his friend's apology, though things were still somewhat tense when they hung out, which was the reason for his surprise at Tommy inviting both him and Lexx along for anything, but Tommy's expression told him, that this wasn't something fun.

When Lexx arrived, her eyes widened and her movements agitated, he knew that something had to be seriously wrong.

"JT, it's good you're here, I was going to call you, but thanks to that bloody ion storm the reception is shite. I updated our firewalls at the lab yesterday after you left, since we're not working until Starfleet is here, and I noticed something weird, so I did some digging. Someone hacked into our system, JT! They were good, I didn't notice it before, but I guess it was about three weeks ago. I couldn't trace them back and I don't know what they did either, computers are more your area."

" _Guys!_ "

They turned their heads to Tommy whose face now wore an irritated flush. "You can discuss that later, I'm pretty sure what I found is more important. Come with me!"

The forest was eerily quiet. Most trees had lost their leaves by now and many people had taken to hunting the small animals to supplement the small rations given out weekly to the population following strict rules: At first there had been only a difference between adult and child rations, now there were distinctions between genders as well, an adult woman receiving two thirds of an adult man's ration, children half of the respective gender. Unrest was spreading through the population like wildfire, despite the curfew riots were frequent, resulting in many injured and even first casualties. Most businesses and shops were shutting down for the time being, and the last few days at work had been filled with trying to clear out the more sensitive experiments and equipment.

Because of the ever increasing violence in the city, David and Theresa had managed to talk Lexx into moving in with them, despite her repeated assurance that she could handle herself. JT smiled a bit to himself, no one could counter a worried Theresa. Until now, it had remained fairly quiet on the outskirts of the city, but JT knew that this was bound to change sooner rather than later. The Rileys were complaining about what they perceived as the temporary governor's lenience, and they weren't the only ones, but even more demanded the opposite. As those voices got louder, the situation was bound to escalate at some point.

After a few minutes of walking, JT begun to recognise the direction in which they were going.

"Tommy? Are we going where I think we're going?"

"If you think we're going to the fields that were chosen for continued watering so that we'd have at least _some_ harvest to get this colony through this, yes."

"But the public doesn't have access to them! I thought they built a force field around them."

Tommy shrugged. "Yeah, put part of it has pretty big energy fluctuation and keeps shutting down every few minutes for a minute or two. I like to come here to think."

In case of the ion storm lasting longer than originally assumed, as was the case now, the governor had restricted the access to nearly a quarter of Tarsus' fields, so that once the resources ran low, it could buy the population more time, maybe even carry the colony through this crisis without outside help. This glimmer of hope had kept the riots somewhat in check until now, and the governor had promised, when the harvest of those fields was due in approximately a month, there would be no more rationing. But people were impatient.

Though as he saw the fields, this last hope of Tarsus IV, JT felt like his heart was stopping, prevented from beating by the icy hand of fear that clenched around it and reached into the deepest corners of his soul. None of them said a word while waiting for the force field to shut down and climbing through it, the stench of rotten flora making their eyes water.

In front of their eyes laid hectares of what should have been fields of golden grain, green potato leaves and bright yellow sweet corn. Instead from what they could see was an uneven carpet of sickly white-grey, at some places turned into a gooey, black substance with a vile smell that surpassed even the stench of miles of putrefied plants.

"Fuck!" Joseph whispered, summing up their thoughts. Really, there wasn't much else to say. He then kept on walking towards the field like someone in a trance. Seeing his friend bend over to examine the light grey overgrowth from a few centimetres distance prompted JT into action.

"Wait! I'm pretty sure you shouldn't do that!"

Joseph sneezed, followed by a cough. "Yeah, you're probably right."

Lexx, having visibly paled, continued to stare at the fields. "To me this looks like a kind of fungus, maybe something local, I don't think I've ever heard of a fungus doing _that_ before." She gestured at the black goo, then turned to Tommy. "How long has that been here?"

"No idea, I haven't been here for a week or so."

"A _week_? Bloody hell, whatever this is, if it took only a week, or maybe even less, to cover an area this size, we're in so much shit it _buried_ the fuckin' fan."

"Maybe not," JT joined in, "look, whatever this is, it seems to prefer grains and corn, the potato fields are much less affected, and the surrounding vegetation doesn't really have much either."

"Huh, you're right, that's odd."

"What, this thing or me being right?"

She snorted and nudged him. "Wanker."

He knew that this was pretty much the least appropriate time for jokes, but he was glad to see what little colour there usually was return to her face. After a few minutes the small group made to leave, unsure what to do about their discovery. Joseph coughed every few minutes quietly. He would continue to do so for the next five days, the last two days this would be accompanied by a high fever and black, foul smelling sputum. A week after their find, small patches of the fungus began appearing all over the city, causing a general panic to spread, but Joseph didn't live to see this. He was the first, but by far not the only one.

-/\\-

 

Despite their best efforts, both Lucas and Ellie had started to lose weight in the past week. The rations had been cut once again, by now even an adult male's amount would be barely enough to feed a child. His adoptive parents were barely eating anything, today's breakfast had been the first full meal Theresa had eaten in two months and she'd only done it reluctantly when the entire family had insisted after seeing her pass out from weakness this morning.

Lexx often went out at night, ignoring the curfew to scavenge for food like many did these days, sometimes coming back with scrapes and bruises. The two adults and he had pleaded her not to, but they all knew, these few additions were something they couldn't afford to go without. A part of him wanted to go with his friend, but he knew he'd worry his parents sick and rightfully so.

Although there hadn't been any news broadcasts anymore for weeks - another sign that they were far down the deep end - it was general knowledge that the death toll was high and steadily rising. Counting both the ones who had come in contact with the fungus and those killed in the now daily riots it had to be around two thousand these days. No one left the relative safety of their house if in any way avoidable.

He watched his cousins - _siblings_ \- doing a jigsaw puzzle on the floor and pride filled him. They were surprisingly calm and collected in face of the situation, understood that they couldn't leave the house and that there wasn't much food and didn't complain. Ellie sometimes cried when she was hungry, but she did so quietly and even then she didn't whine or demand anything. JT was amazed at their strength and it broke his heart every time he saw his little sister holding her stomach, trying to suppress her tears.

Most of his days were spent bored, reading to the younger children or bantering with Lexx while trying to preserve his energy. There was no way to get information from outside since the communicator network had suffered, working only every few days for an hour or two and his best friend didn't talk much about what she saw at night. She didn't have to.

The Leightons had moved in with the Rileys two weeks ago, since the situation got worse the closer one came to the centre of the city and they feared for their safety, yet despite the closeness they didn't visit each other often, neither family willing to leave their home and he knew that Lucas sorely missed his best friend. JT hadn't heard much from the others, Joseph's death hat hit all of them hard but from what he knew their situations were similar to his: staying inside unless it was time to pick up the week's rations.

Which was why everyone visibly startled when a knock sounded from the door. Instantly his uncle jumped up, shoving a small knife under his belt and went to the door, opening it just a hand's width. His eyebrows first shot up in surprise, then he frowned in confusion opening the door a tiny bit wider. Two heavily armed and armoured policemen stood outside.

"Family Brown? David, Theresa, James, Lucas and Ellie, correct?"

"Yes? How can I help you, officer?"

The second officer checked something on his PADD.

"Does Miss Guevara reside here currently as well? If yes, please call her, I have important informtion that concerns all Tarsus citizens."

David turned his head, caught JT's questioning gaze and bowed his head in affirmation once. JT rushed upstairs, into his room he now shared with his friend who sat on his bed, reading.

"You have to come downstairs, there are some police officers, something about 'important information for all Tarsus citizens'."

She frowned, but followed him back downstairs without a comment, joining David at the door. JT stayed a few steps behind and listened.

"Are you Miss Lexx Guevara?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now, you are both aware of the appearance of a fungus growth that causes fatal pulmonary infections?"

Both nodded.

"A working vaccination has finally been developed, so please be present today at 1500 hours at the community hall to receive the injection. Please sign here that you have received this information and will attend with your family."

The second officer handed them the PADD. Both signed.

"That's all. Have a good day."

David closed the door after they left, but there was a second during which JT could see more policemen at the doors of most houses at their street.

-/\\-

 

The area in front of the community hall at 1445 was so crowded that one could barely turn around, there had to be thousands of people streaming into the normally spacious building.

"JT!"

A hand gripped his shoulder and the Tommy stood next to him.

"I'm so glad they finally found a vaccine against this thing. Poor Joseph. All those people who got infected with it..." He shook his head.

Though not as much as Lexx, himself or his parents, Tommy had lost considerable weight as well, his face was no longer round like when they had first met, and the muscles Tommy had spent hours each week at the gym trying to build were vanishing again. He looked unhealthy. Looking around, everyone did. If one looked closer, the crowd made a quite sad picture, all those people underweight and too pale, all those children with bony hands, too small for their age, their bodies having halted their growth for lack of proper nourishment. Some people with their eyes red from crying, obviously mourning a recently lost loved one, others with black eyes, bruised jaws or holding a broken hand or broken ribs, injured in the riots or while scavenging for food. Perhaps both. A few were smiling brightly, making their way through the crowd trying to reach others, friends or maybe family members from other parts of the city, once laughable distances having turned insurmountable.

The one thing all had in common were the dark rings underneath their eyes from sleepless nights, may it be because of worry, fear, hunger or grief. That, and the glimmer of hope in their gaze at this small triumph, this first step at regaining control over the hopelessly out of hand situation. Yet, there was a strange feeling of foreboding stirring in his gut.

"I don't like this. Something's wrong." Lexx whispered into his ear. "There are too many people! Why all those people? Why at once, when they could have easily been split into many smaller groups?"

"I was thinking the same," he replied just a quietly, "this isn't right."

Then the crowed pushed them through the entrance which acted like a bottleneck and separated Lexx from him. The hall was the very definition of overcrowded, the air stunk of sweat and bad breath, overheated and lacking oxygen, filled with the constant, nondescript hum of thousands of people talking. And still, even over all that noise, the click of locks turning seemed to snap loud as a gunshot through the gigantic yet too small community hall.

JT's nervous gaze flickered from Tommy to his parents, each holding one of their children in their arms so they wouldn't get lost, and back.

"Something's not right! Why would they lock us in? I've got a really bad feeling about this!"

Before they could reply, a door to the small gallery one level above the crowd opened and a man stepped onto the balcony-like structure. A man with ginger hair and an equally red moustache and beard. A confused murmur went through the masses, but the man wasn't bothered by it. His cold, calculating eyes swept declinatory over the people gathered tightly packed beneath him until they were absolutely silent.

Thus distracted, anyone had yet to notice the sudden presence of the several dozen guards armed with illegal phaser rifles, no, all eyes were fixed on the man above who now took a deliberate step forward to the microphone. It was almost like everyone in the entire hall held their breath while the man inhaled deeply. Then he began his speech, his booming, too calm voice filling the massive room to the last corner:

"The revolution is successful..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know, I'm evil.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, really, thank you, thank you, thank you! Hope I didn't bore you, next chapter we'll get started with the action.
> 
> Comments make my day! Seriously, they're one of my main reasons to keep writing this stuff!
> 
> From the next chapter on general WARNINGS: graphic violence, starvation and character deaths, I'll still put up individual warnings though.
> 
> Things are getting bad. There's quite a lot of stuff I have planned for Jim and the others - and very little of it is nice, I'm afraid - and from what it looks like there'll be about 20 chapters in total.


	5. Counting Bodies like Sheep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's starting! Yay (well, not so much for Jim and the others)!
> 
> The chapter name is taken from 'Pet', a creepy song by A Perfect Circle that's for some reason stuck in my head. Meh.
> 
> Warnings: genocide, graphic violence, gore

_"The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures."_

No, JT most definitely didn't like where this was going. He stood on his toes, scanning the room. He and his family stood to the left side of it, close to the wall, but their ability to move was restricted due to the sheer amount of people. People who were beginning to become uneasy.

_"Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society."_

Adrenaline shot through him at finally noticing the guards, pressed against the walls in the shadows, unmoving and nearly invisible among the crowd, phaser rifles held tightly against their chests. A faint, red light was emitted from a point vaguely above the trigger. With his mother - his biological mother, not his real one who was standing just in front of him with his sister in her arms - being in Starfleet he knew all too well what this meant. Set to kill. They needed to get out and fast! Now frantic, he scanned his surroundings again, his breathing getting faster, his heart hammering against his ribcage.

_"Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony."_

The man, governor Kodos, kept speaking in an almost bored tone, but underneath his pretence, JT could hear his conviction - even triumph. Had he been able to afford this, he would've been sick. Now the first in the crowd seemed to start catching up on what was happening, letting out harsh breaths, small sobs and quiet whimpers. Then his eyes finally caught a glimpse of something that could be their way out. He grabbed hold of his parents' arms and made his way through the crowd pushing Tommy with along with his body, shoving the people who weren't fast enough to evade him aside without sparing a second thought. He couldn't allow himself to. As they reached the wall after agonising seconds, JT fixed his eyes on his friend and parents.

"We have to get out of here, now! They're gonna kill all of us! Please, trust me!"

There wasn't the smallest ounce of doubt in David and Theresa's faces as they gave a curt not without hesitation. JT whirled around, glancing to the sides to make sure the guards hadn't noticed anything and ripped the cladding off the vent that was installed at about his waist's height in the wall. He motioned for his friend to climb in and was glad to see that he did so immediately, despite the tight fit.

_"Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death."_

A collective gasp went through the crowd, followed by a single moment of absolute silence. Then nothing but panic. Sheer, bloody, panic. From one second to the next he overheated air was filled with the wails and cries of the innocent. It reeked of fear.

Theresa handed him Ellie and he lifted his sister, so she could crawl into the small duct as well, followed by Lucas. JT looked at their parents expectantly and frowned when both swallowed thickly. It was David who spoke, his voice shaking with suppressed tears.

"JT, neither of us will fit in there. Go!"

The teen shook his head, but he saw what he had denied to acknowledge. They wouldn't die, they would crawl through the air duct with him and _not die_! A tear rolled over his father's face, the only father he'd ever had.

"Please, go JT, I beg you. Go, son! We love you! Always!"

"You and your brother and sister. More than anything!" his mother added, now crying as well. David drew him to his chest, holding him there, tighter than the guards holding the weapons that would kill the first people who'd ever loved him, for a cherished moment and Theresa kissed his hair. He couldn't do anything, couldn't get them out. He wanted to deny it just for one more second, but this was goodbye. He knew that.

"Mom, Dad, I love you too! Always!" He couldn't stop his voice from breaking.

_"Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV."_

He went to go, but hesitated as he saw a girl crying next to him. There was something he _could_ do. So he grabbed her, tore her from the wailing mother and pushed her to the vent. "Crawl!" was the only thing he hissed into her ear. There was a small boy in his reach as well and he repeated the process.

_"ATTENTION!"_

He turned back around, meeting the eyes of his parents glowing with love and pride one last time. Having seen what he did, they now started snatching the children close to them too, thrusting them in his direction.

_"AIM!"_

One by one he lifted them up and told them to crawl.

_"FIRE!"_

The evenly spaced guards fired several shots each, bright red flashes that let spots dance in front of JT's eyes. People all over the room started dropping, some dead the instant they were hit, others, less fortunate, sunk to the floor screaming or moaning in agony, clutching severe injuries, some even the stumps of limbs that had been burned away. The acrid stench of burned flesh filled the air combined with the coppery tang of too much fresh blood. He gagged. People were trying to run, their feet splashing in the puddles of red, occasionally interrupted by other colours. To Kodos, still above on the gallery, it had to look like a morbid version of a Jackson Pollock. Many slipped or fell and were trampled on by others. From the corner of his eye he could see his parents embracing each other, but he didn't look closer, unable to bear the thought of having to leave them behind as it was.

_"AIM!"_

Another child was dragged after her father and he grabbed the little girl again. The father's outraged, panicked yell drew the attention of others. Realising what he was doing, other parents were now pushing their children towards him, sometimes sparing a moment and the bravery to nod or even attempt a grateful smile.

_"FIRE!"_

The discharges were now closer to him and he knew it was time to leave, no more who were small enough to fit in his immediate vicinity. He turned around and began climbing in, then he heard it.

"Please, take her too! Please!"

JT let himself slip back out and looked around. A young woman lay perhaps a metre from his feet, one leg simply ending mid-thigh and another burn marring her back, tears streaming down her face, her gaze already delirious with pain and blood loss.

"You are an angel." she whispered awed when she could finally meet his eyes.

With the last of her strength she moved her arms, drawing a crying infant from where she'd protected it with her own body, holding it out to him. The baby couldn't have been more than two weeks old. As carefully as he dared without losing time he took the new-born from her, making her smile, using her last breath to sigh a "Thank you!" before her eyes closed and her head sank down, limp. Lifeless.

JT clutched the infant to his chest with one hand while drawing himself into the vent with the other. Mercifully, the child stopped crying.

_"AIM!"_

He crawled through the narrow metal tube into the darkness that was only lit for a second now and then by phaser shots being reflected off the walls, until he reached a corner, the vent continuing to both sides at a 90 degrees angle. To one side, the flashing light let the wide, teary open eyes of the trembling children appear hovering disembodied in the dark as their faces remained obscured by the shadows, watching him expectantly. He waited until the next fusillade illuminated him and motioned for them to follow, they did so without the smallest trace of vacillation.

JT had no idea where the direction of the tunnel that was not clogged by the others led, but he couldn't dwell on this. Right now he'd take anything that meant getting away from that room. Lacking anything to illuminate the narrow vent, the darkness became impenetrable after just a few metres, so he had to use his free hand, the other still holding on to the new-born, to feel his way forward. The air was hot and stuffy, but stench of gore was beginning to lessen and the wails and cries of the dying following them slowly became fainter, leaving them only with the smell of the sweat and blood soaking their clothes and the sound of them slowly scuffling along with pounding hearts, occasionally accompanied by a suppressed sob.

He had no way of telling if they'd already spent days in those ducts, incarcerated by unforgiving metal on all sides but two, Hell lying on one end and an unknown, uncertain fate awaiting them on the other, or if it had only been seconds. JT had lost his sense of time and blocked out all thoughts except the next step on hand and knees and the feeling of alloy rubbing against his hair, back and shoulders, the feeling of it under his palm, warm and smooth, sharp edges in regular intervals scratching his skin and ripping his pants until they cut into his knees as well, then...

Nothing. Nothing but emptiness underneath his bleeding palm.

He stopped abruptly, heart beating even faster. _No. No, no, no, no! Fuck!_ New panic surged through him when whoever was behind him bumped into him and for a second he was sure he'd lose his balance and fall. With this part of the vent apparently running vertically, in the dark there was no way to tell whether it was only a metre to a lower shaft or if he'd fall to his death should he try to jump.

Maybe if he'd press his hands and feet to the metal cladding he could slowly lower himself until he reached a horizontal part again, but he still had only one free hand and, more importantly, some of the children he'd taken were quite small and all of them were malnourished, none of them could sustain the amount of exertion such a climb would demand for a prolonged distance. He would not take this chance, not with others depending on him.

There had to be another way.

He thought he remembered the steady pressure of the cladding leaving his left shoulder for a second a while back, but the extremely limited space prevented him from turning around, forcing him to slowly shuffle backwards, nudging the kid behind him with his foot until it did the same, had to wait again for the kid to get the one behind it to move and so on. The pace they moved at was beyond slow.

They kept moving backwards for what seemed like hours and doubt filled JT, and with it bitter despair. If he'd been wrong, if there was no bifurcation, they would have to take the vertical shaft somehow. In the best case scenario, it might only be a metre or two long, which should be manageable, but when had he ever been that lucky? Jumping was no option and neither was carrying the smaller ones, not only because he had no idea how many and where in the group they were, having disregarded anything beyond _just getting them out_ , but because the size of the ducts wouldn't allow it. What else was there? Maybe they could go all the way back and try the other direction. Or hold up inside the vent until everyone alive had left the community hall. A shudder ran through his entire body, nearly making his blood-slicked hand slip out from underneath him. He never wanted to set foot in there again.

Just then he could finally feel the beginning of the gap at his left side.

"Stop!" he hissed. The shuffling ceased immediately. "Take the tunnel to the left here. Check on those behind you. No one is left behind!"

A few whispered "Yes." reached him and JT turned into the other shaft, finally being able to move forward again, sighing almost inaudibly in relief.

This part of the vent was different, with much more corners and thankfully the air was not as hot and stuffy, getting fresher the further they got. This had to be a good sign.

Then the metal underneath him suddenly seemed to end again, only this time he did lose his balance, a startled gasp escaping him, instinctively curling himself around the tiny girl in his arm, protecting her fragile body. Though lucky for him, this shaft didn't run vertical but instead diagonally downwards at maybe a sixty degree angle, so instead of falling he slid down, ending up in a slightly wider part of the shaft, his fresh bruises forgotten as he noticed the faint light coming from beyond the corner, hissing a "Come down, but be careful!" to the children. One by one they slid down after him doing their best to stay quiet though a few couldn't help a startled yelp, quickly edging forward to free the way for others and although it was still much too dark to discern their features, JT could at least see them move.

Around the corner the light was slowly becoming more intense, now accompanied by a whooshing noise. Two corners more, and they had to stop, the sudden light blinding them. Daylight. He squinted, creeping forward again. At the end of this tunnel lay an opening. An opening blocked by a grid and three bars, in front of them the cause of that noise. A fan, its metal blades casting flickering shadows, almost too fast for his eyes. This was bad.

They needed something to block the movement before they could bend the blades and try to remove the grid and bars, otherwise it would probably sever their hands. It would have to be something tough and long enough to stick it safely through far enough that it could become wedged in between the bars.

He turned his head to look at the kid, a boy with caramel coloured hair who looked a few years younger than him, behind him, still unable to turn around properly.

"Take off my shoes and give them to me."

The boy frowned, but did as he was told. JT attempted a small smile when soon his worn but tough leather shoes appeared next to him. He carefully moved his aching arm, cramped from holding one position the whole time and held the baby out to the boy. "Please hold her. Be careful."

Again, the boy did so instantly, two hands gently grasping the new-born and taking it from his. Finally having both hands free he regarded his shoes for a moment before pressing them together and winding the laces around them to keep them that way. JT took a deep breath and thrusted them into the blades.

His hand, still holding on to one end of his makeshift wedge, was ripped sideways, then the movement came to a sudden halt, the shoes precariously lodged between one of the rotor blades and a bar. Now for the dangerous part.

Adrenaline rushed through him, making his heart beat a tattoo into his ribcage. He really was in no mood to lose a hand today. The ventilator gave a slight jolt.

Having no time to lose, JT grabbed onto the rotor blade furthest from the shoes and pulled, the thin metal giving way against his body weight combined with muscle strength, bending inwards. The fan jerked, making the shoes bend further. This wouldn't work, there was no way they would stay lodged there long enough for him to open the grid and everyone to climb through.

Gathering all his determination, he put both his arms through the opening, hoping the rotor wouldn't get loose for the next few minutes. He pushed the side of the grid he could reach outward and latched onto the rusty looking bar in his reach, rattling it. It was loose, just as he'd thought, but it took him much longer to break it out of the entrenchment than he'd hoped. There was another creak and he flinched when he could feel the cold metal of the rotor press against the lower sides of his arms, yet the shoes still held, but only just.

At last the bricks gave way and he could rip the bar from its place, realising that simply blocking the fan wouldn't do, so he ignored his instincts of self-preservation yelling at him what an exceptionally dumb idea this was and stuck his head through the opening as well, all too aware that he'd be killed instantly should his blockage come undone now.

His recklessness was rewarded, as he could see a gap between the pin and the thread connecting it to the rotor, just big enough to use it as leverage point with the rusty bar as lever. JT yanked it, to no avail. He tried a second time, finally dislodging his shoes, sending the blades spinning, cutting into the soft skin of his underarm, but finally the fan came off, saving him from more severe injuries but cutting his shoulder again as it was flung to the side by the power of the rotating pin which was sending sparks flying where it touched the bar.

Now he could push the remaining grid off and climb outside, the gap where the bar had been just wide enough for him to squeeze through. The opening was about one and a half metre above the ground so we wrapped his arms around his head and hoped for the best, the lack of space inside leaving him no choice but to let himself fall head first.

Once he'd gotten up again he checked that the street they were standing in now was empty before putting his now tattered shoes back on. He took the baby back from the boy to help him get outside and gave her back him so his hands were free to lift the others out. He had half a mind to count them, but he hadn't known how many there were in the first place. Tommy was the last one to crawl out after his cousins, so he assumed they were complete. He spared a moment to quickly check on all of them and took to observing their surroundings when he'd confirmed that they were shaken but aside from the cut hands and knees unharmed.

They stood on the opposite side of the main entrance to the community hall, two adjacent buildings down from that horrid place. He took the baby girl back and turned to the children, all twelve of them once again wearing expectant expressions, looking for leadership. It was in this moment, that he saw a movement from the corner of his eye. Someone was opening the back door to the hall and he really didn't want to wait and see who it was.

"Follow me. Run." he hissed to the kids and took off to the next street that would take them out of sight of whoever exited that building. Not fast enough.

_"Sir! I think I just saw something! There was someone running!"_

 He didn't hear the reply over the sound of his blood rushing in his ears and the pounding of his heart. He did throw glances back every few seconds to make sure everyone was following. The adrenaline that fuelled them enabled even the smaller kids to keep up for now but it wouldn't last. The sight of one of the guards rounding the corner, phaser rifle in his hands, let new shock surge through him and he spurred their pace on even more, turning right sharply into the next alley, out of sight of the guard who unfortunately had spotted them doing so.

He wanted to run faster, try to lose the guard through plain speed, but the younger ones could barely keep pace as it was. They would have to try and get out of the man's field of vision long enough to hide. He led them across the empty street to the next left corner, ducking when some of the kids screamed as a phaser shot made parts of the bricks in the wall right next to them clatter to the ground, yet miraculously none of them were hit.

Another corner to the left, two to the right, staying just out of the guard's sight, preventing him from firing again but unable to gain enough distance between them to lose him. Then JT spotted their opportunity.

Evidence of the riots could be found all around them on the deserted streets. Bricks and broken glass bottles were strewn around, every now and then a wall or the pavement was scorched from someone setting fire, many of the lower windows were broken and even the occasional dried puddle of blood stained the concrete. Two blocks ahead of them lay what used to be a supermarket, now it was empty, most windows were shattered and the building's façade was blackened with soot after someone had incinerated the interior. If they could make it there without getting shot first...

"C'mon, we need to go faster! Not far now!" he called out of breath to the others and picked up the pace, making the air whistle in their lungs and their muscles burn. JT turned his head to look over his shoulder. Everyone was still following and the guard apparently hadn't reached the corner yet. Halfway there, only one block now. He ran faster.

Twenty metres. Fifteen. Phaser fire flashed next to them, the guard's ability to shoot accurately strongly impaired by the distance and the fact that he was still running after them. Ten metres. The shots were now closer, much too close for JT's comfort, looking back he saw that the man pursuing them had stopped in order to aim properly, but no one had been injured yet. Five metres.

A girl cried out in pain, nearly making him stumble as he whipped his head around to see her holding one arm where a phaser shot had grazed it. Though by far not life-threatening it had to be extremely painful. He swallowed the rage at seeing this child hurt and reached back to grab her uninjured arm, dragging her along, through one of the broken windows into the burned-out supermarket.

JT nearly gagged from the stench of burned plastic but didn't stop, trying his best not to fall or run into anything as he led the children on a zigzag course through the empty aisles he could barely make out in the gloom, the soot seemingly swallowing the bright blue sunlight. They made it to the wall at the back and JT finally stopped to look around, his eyes now having accustomed to the semi-darkness, quickly spotting what he'd been searching for. The door labelled 'Staff Only' was somewhat dented, but still intact. From the direction of what had once been the entrance, he could hear the shuffling and crashes of the guard searching for them. He ripped the door open, handing the baby he still held back to the boy from earlier and pushed the kids towards the room.

"In there. Be quiet and wait for me!" After closing the door as silently as possible he took a moment to lean against it and catch his breath. _What now?_

His plan so far had been finding a place to hide, but hadn't entailed anything beyond that. Another crash, this time closer and accompanied by whispered swearing. Somehow he had to get this guard away from here. The obvious solution would be to make some noise, draw his attention and run, lead him away and return later, but his muscles were already shaking from exertion, the lactic acid accumulated in them making them ache. It was unlikely that he'd make it, and even if he did, the other had seen that he wasn't alone and might search for the others. While good enough for now, the staff room wasn't the most creative of hideouts, nor hard to find. If flight was no option, it left him with only one other choice, which didn't exactly seem more appealing to him. He was malnourished, exhausted and unarmed; no match for an adult trained, armed and armoured guard. His only advantage, regarding the guard's clumsy movements and repeated bumping into objects, was his agility and slight.

 _Shit._ He'd have to sneak up on him _and then what? Knock him out?_ The clattering came closer. No more time to consider, he'd have to wing it.

More clattering and curse words came from the aisle on his right and an idea struck him. Careful not to make a single sound JT slowly backed away from the rack. The hurt girl's cry still echoed through his skull and he let the rage at this man who'd probably killed countless innocent people today, who'd dared to shoot at and hurt an innocent child, one of _his_ children, surge through him as he charged, a bloodcurdling yell tearing itself from his throat.

He saw the guard twirl around to face him, met his startled eyes and watched him try to yank up the phaser rifle to point it at him. He saw his finger curl around the trigger, tightening it, and for a moment he feared that the rack might be bolted to the floor as he hurled himself into it with his entire body weight, feeling one of his ribs crack at the impact.

It wasn't. The shot went wild, the rack tipped over and the guard screamed as the heavy metal construct fell on him. The man was unconscious as soon as he hit the ground, maybe even dead, but JT resolved not to think about this. Or the puddle of red that was slowly forming underneath his head. Instead he tried to take the weapon from the man's slack hands, but it was stuck under the rack, so he only grabbed the knife he could glimpse in his boot.

It was less than useless against a phaser rifle, yet for whatever reason there didn't seem to be any reinforcements after them and a knife was better than no weapon at all. He made his way back to the staff room, startling the kids as he opened the door.

"It's alright, it's me. We need to keep going." They looked even more exhausted than he felt and he wished they could stay and rest here a moment longer, but they were still too close to the community hall for his comfort. Although the streets all appeared deserted, he didn't want to risk discovery by anyone. He didn't know to what extent the remaining citizens - there had to be some, Kodos had said something about 'more valued members of the colony', so there had to be people other than guards left alive, right? - were informed about or even supported the execution. They had to get out of the city's centre.

"Okay, listen up, guys. I know you're tired, but we have to keep moving. I want the older ones of you to carry the younger ones who can't keep running, okay?" They all nodded, some more reluctant that others but no one protested. Tommy and two other ones who looked around his age picked up the little ones, he guessed the youngest to be about five years old, so he left the baby in the arms of the boy holding her and instead lifted Ellie into his arms. His heart broke once again upon hearing her whisper into his ear, asking for her mother.

"Not now, sis." he replied, whishing he wouldn't ever have to tell her, and then spoke to everyone: "Okay, let's go."

-/\\-

 

_Locks clicking. Screams getting louder and louder, more and more the further the bearded man continues his speech. Yelled commandoes. His parents turn around to him, eyes widened in shock, tears running down their cheeks. His mother stretches her arm, reaches out to him and he lifts his to grab her hand. A hand he never touches as it drops down, a hole in her chest, she falls, his father roars, then he falls too. Locks clicking..._

The scene was playing out on repeat in Kevin's mind's eye, only interrupted by small flashes of an insignificantly less horrifying reality. His feet hit the floor, again and again, the air burned in his lungs. _She falls, his father roars..._ He let out a whimper and stumbled, but the hand dragging him along pulled on mercilessly. A hand that was slicked with blood, just like the arm and body it was connected to, gripping so hard it hurt.

The little girl he'd never seen before, whose hand was gripped by his other one just as tightly, stumbled as well again. They were running too fast for her. _His parents turn around to him..._ Another corner, another hallway. The light grey floor would soon be stained by their red footprints. Next corner. A white door in the white wall opened a few metres ahead of them, two armed guards just like the ones inside stepping out. _A hole in her chest..._

"You! Stop right there or I'll...!"

The blood stained hand left his and he and the little girl were pushed to the floor roughly. The first guard dropped, his head turned much further around than a human head should be, widely opened eyes staring vacantly at no particular point behind them, the second one whipped around and tried to aim, his shot leaving a black stain on the white wall, a fraction of a second later followed by the spray of his blood.

Then, after slinging one of the rifles, the hand was back, yanking him back to his feet and he pulled the little girl with him and ran. More corners, a stairway, a door. The bloodied hand's equally red twin hectically swiped the one of dead guards' card over the sensor and the door opened, a gust of fresh air hit them. They kept running. _Locks clicking..._

-/\\-

 

"Report!"

"We've dispatched the units to the emptied households, sir."

"Good. So we're done here?"

"Yes, sir. But there were some... complications."

"What kind of complications?"

"Apparently one of the doors to the basement was forcefully opened."

"Go on."

"There are some corridors leading to several exits. We don't know yet how many escapees made it, but we've lost seven men during this. Jenkins also reported that he might have seen others who could've escaped through other means fleeing from this block, I sent him to investigate and eliminate any designated target and I will report to you as soon as I've heard from him."

"Find them all! And quickly! We can't have word of today's events get out to the colonists, not quite yet."

-/\\-

 

JT barely dared to breathe as the cold of the wall at his back seeped into him. They had to have been running for over an hour now and he felt as if he would collapse every second now. After they'd escaped the deserted centre of the city, they'd run into new trouble. Guards seemed to be everywhere, breaking down the doors of the houses of those who wouldn't return, leaving with whatever food they'd stashed away before being called to the hall. So far they had been able to avoid detection, and if the armed men's calm was any indication, the guard that had followed them before either hadn't called for help or hadn't been found. JT didn't dwell on what this might mean for the man's status.

He waited for the one who'd kicked in the door of the two-story house they were pressing against a few minutes ago to leave, waving for the kids to move quickly as he did. The sprinted from this house to the next one, spending a few seconds at most in the open before pressing with their backs against the next wall in the shadows, out of sight.

This had been going on for nearly half of the distance they'd come so far, slowing them down considerably. At first he'd been startled, assuming the guy he'd knocked out - _not killed!_ \- had called for back-up, but he'd soon realised that they didn't appear to be searching for anything, at least not on the streets. He and the children had hidden away behind some knocked over dumpsters so they could watch them rummaging around in an empty flat, leaving with bags of food which they handed to a comrade in a military issue hover truck.

With pounding hearts they ran, nearly running into the next, equally unexpected, team of soldiers, barely escaping discovery. When the coast was clear again, they started moving slower, staying hidden overtaking speed as their top priority. From what JT had been able to observe, they were working in teams of six, moving towards the centre, only raiding about half of the houses and flats along their path, the soldiers driving the trucks circling between different teams to collect full bags of food and hand out new ones.

 So far he still hadn't seen any civilians, but specific houses and flats being left alone had to mean they were still occupied. He hoped so.

The orders being exchanged slowly grew more distant and they dared moving again, just as slowly, building by building, block by block, nearing the outskirts of the city, soon encountering another troop. There was a small shop ahead, windows broken, the interior scorched, it looked in an even worse state than the supermarket they'd hid in earlier, but it would have to do. He waved his hand, signalling the children to go faster and duck through the broken entrance to take cover in the semi-darkness. While the others crouched down, JT remained standing with Ellie still in his arms, from his higher viewpoint able to observe the guards through the reflection in the window of the opposite building, the low light ensuring he could do so without being seen himself.

Yet the gloom also had an obvious but significant disadvantage: they couldn't see where they were stepping. Someone behind him scuffled. A shard of glass from the broken window shattered, to their overstrung senses reverberating louder than a shuttle breaking the sound barrier.

Everyone froze, holding their breath, as JT watched one guard frown and turn, looking around for the origin of that noise. The man took a few steps in their direction, still letting his gaze wander in search, turning it towards the window JT used to surveil him and for a moment the teen would have sworn he'd met his eyes. Then the soldier shrugged and turned back around, walking back towards his comrades.

All of them let out a collective breath in relief as soon as they saw him relax marginally. The sound of a door being broken down, followed by that of people rummaging around none too carefully, the breaking of several things and the shattering of glass was carried through the thin walls to them after JT had lost sight of the guards. A few minutes later they reappeared, a few items in their previously empty bags, heading towards another block, away from them.

They were almost out of sight again, when a loud, high-pitched wailing started behind him, quickly rising in volume. _No! Fuck! Please, no!_ He had half a mind to grab the baby from the boy he'd handed her to, to try to make her stop, but he knew it was too late for that now, the soldiers had already raised their phasers, had already started running towards them, would reach them in seconds. _Shit!_ With the one who'd chased them he'd gotten lucky. There was no way he'd be able to take on six.

He let Ellie slip to the ground as gently as these circumstances allowed and bend to pick up half a brick lying next to his feet, his other hand tightening around the handle of the knife. There was even less way he wouldn't try, even if that was to be the last thing he ever did. Which was not unlikely.

Two of the guards opened fire, making the kids let out startled gasps and fearful whimpers, but for now the darkness of the destroyed shop still gave them cover and the shots fired at chest height missed the crouching children by what he guessed to be nearly half a metre, though this wouldn't last for long. The further they advanced, the more they would be able to see. JT desperately wished he could've taken the phaser earlier.

Behind him, the kids were scrambling back as fast and far as possible, the guards only a few metres away now and JT finally saw his opportunity. He leaped from the shadows to hurl himself at the closest man, the hand with the brick raised, bringing it down onto his skull as hard as he could. It connected with a sickening crunch and the guard slumping limply before he had the chance to react. JT caught him so that the adult's back was pressed into his chest and raised his knife to the man's throat, bared and vulnerable from his head lolling to the side, making him both hostage and living shield to protect him from their phasers.

The other soldiers had just realised the same and ceased their fire.

"Here's what's gonna happen!" JT pressed the knife more firmly to the stubbly skin, drawing a thin trickle of blood, hoping no one could hear the way his voice was shaking slightly. "You will drop your phasers and stand with your backs to that wall and you're not gonna move until we're gone or I swear I'll cut his fucking throat!"

None of the other four guards seemed to even consider doing as he'd told them, so he pressed the blade harder, another drop of red liquid running down. He really didn't want to kill this man. _Wait. Four?_ He was holding one and he could see four, but there'd been...

"Yeah, I don't think so, kiddo." The sixth guard's voice was sardonic and gloating as he held a struggling Ellie against his chest, tears streaming down her face. Both JT and his sister froze when he pressed the rifle's muzzle against her temple. "There's a good girl." the man murmured just loud enough for him to catch into his sister's ear.

"She's a real looker, that one, don't you think?" he continued louder, now addressing JT again, his hand wandering from where he'd gripped Ellie's shoulder over her throat, thumbing over the girl's lips before continuing downwards, stroking over her flat chest and belly, briefly resting at the junction between her hip and thigh, then slowly moving inwards. Ellie whimpered.

JT was shaking with pure, unadulterated rage, yet helpless fear tied him to the ground, nausea rolling through him. Three of the other soldiers looked appalled at the scene unfolding before them but didn't make a move to hinder their superior.

"You like her, huh? Family of yours? So here's the deal, kid: I'm gonna have some fun with this pretty, _pretty_ , little bird. There are some urges to be satisfied, you know what kind, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. But if you're a good boy and put down the knife, I _might_ just give her an easy death and let you take her place. Your pick. I really don't care, either way I'll get what I want."

A shudder ran through JT's entire body. The need to throw up was at war with the red filling his vision. He desperately wanted to run over and rip his sister from him and then punch his face in, maybe knock his teeth out so no one would ever have to listen to this disgusting man talk again. Instead he slowly lowered the knife.

"Oh, you _are_ a good boy. I hope..." He never got to finish that sentence.

A bright red light made JT flinch away, letting the unconscious guard and the brick drop, and Ellie yelp startled. The one who'd captured the young girl collapsed, one arm only connected to the rest of his body by a small string of skin, the shoulder it had been attached to nothing but a spray of red against Ellie's side, the head gone except for some splatter of what was probably cerebral matter on the ground. Some of it stuck to JT. As soon as Ellie realised she was free, she ran over to her eldest brother and sank to the floor behind him, clutching JT's pant leg.

After second of shock, the remaining soldiers were propelled into movement as well, turning to face someone outside JT's field of vision, blocked by the wall of the store's remnants he and the others were still hiding in.

The soldiers were firing in quick succession though from their repeated, frantic aiming and the way two of them were already backing away JT guessed their effort being for naught. When he finally saw the attacker, it was only for a second, merely a blur of movement before his view of the figure was mostly obstructed by one of the soldiers' body. The man in question tried to turn around but he was too slow. Two slender arms reached for the one he held his weapon with, bending it abruptly, making the snap of bones echo through the street. Skin tore where bones were forced into a direction they weren't supposed to go, blood dripped to the ground as the man screamed, sinking to his knees.

The three still standing fired again, not sparing a thought to their comrade who was now being used as a human shield, just like JT had done just a minute earlier. The difference was that he now could observe this strategy in action. The injured man's screams ended when soon most of his torso was burned away by the phaser fire of his former comrades. A pale, bloodied hand reached into the dead man's shoe, and JT watched the metallic flicker of a blade being thrown. It entered the throat of the one standing the furthest distance from the figure. He fell, a hand rising to his neck, but the light leaving his surprised eyes before it reached its destination.

The attacker jumped from the cover behind the body, tackling the closer guard to the ground, knocking the phaser rifle out of his hand with a well-aimed kick and snapped his neck, then rolling over smoothly, drops of gore being flung from black hair, grabbing the weapon and standing up all in one single movement.

The last guard ended like the one who'd threatened Ellie, his head vaporised before he even had the chance to shoot again, leaving only the attacker standing, her back turned to JT.

For a moment Lexx stood perfectly still, then she whirled around so fast JT almost missed the motion. He gasped, adrenaline once again shooting through his veins, his flight instinct nearly overwhelming.

She was practically drenched in blood, most of her hair matted to her head with the red, sticky fluid, the right half of her face entirely covered, the left splattered with it. He could barely guess tell what colour shirt clinging wetly to the pronounced ribs had once been, though none of this was surprising, considering the fight he'd just witnessed.

No, what scared him was the expression she wore. He was used to her face being unreadable at times, but now it was completely expression _less_. Her big eyes weren't cold and neither warm, just _nothing_. There was nothing _human_ in them, nor in the unnatural elegance she moved with or the way her chest barely heaved. She simply stared at him without a single spark of recognition, the phaser pointed at him. In this moment, he was sure she'd pull the trigger.

Instead she put the safety back on and lowered the rifle, she blinked and JT finally felt like she was looking at a person again instead of a target, countenance back at being impervious instead of plain empty. He breathed out a relieved sigh, cautious joy filling him at seeing his friend alive.

He stepped out of the burned-out store, the children hesitantly following him, one by one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> Please leave a comment, I really want to hear your opinion, criticism and/or suggestions!!


	6. New World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update, really, but my muse was in strike.
> 
> Warnings: language, gore, violence, but not as much as the last one

The broken glass on the ground made scratching noises as they carefully stepped on them. JT could feel his sister's hands shaking where she still clung to the fabric of his pants, but he didn't dare to lift his eyes from Lexx just yet, approaching his friend like one might a wild animal. Once again the metallic tang of fresh blood filled his nostrils. He stopped about two metres from the girl, the shuffling steps from all but one of the others behind him ceased immediately.

He did look away to block Tommy's way with his arm, preventing him from storming over to her as he'd obviously intended. The other boy's eyes were wide and he stared at Lexx with naïve shock written plainly over his face.

"Oh god, Lexx! You're... Are you... You're hurt!  What happened to you?" Tommy's face kept getting paler the longer he stared at the blood covering his crush, his voice shaking and filled with worry. Unlike JT and the others he appeared not to have noticed her conspicuous lack of injuries.

"Tommy." He attempted to get his attention when the other teen started pressing against his arm, trying to step forward. Every instinct told him that letting anyone step too close to Lexx right now had a high chance of ending badly. Tommy didn't react, either not noticing him or not caring. "Tommy!" JT repeated louder this time, only to be ignored once again. 

" _Tommy, dammit!_ " Nearly yelling now finally got his attention. JT waited until his friend finally met his eyes and fixed him with an intense gaze, hoping to get the importance of this across. "She's fine, Tommy. It's not hers! She's fine!"

Looking at her every muscle still being tense, ready to spring into action at any moment, seeing her expression still too calm and remembering what she'd looked like only moments before, there was no doubt in JT's mind that she wasn't fine. But Tommy stopped trying to push past him and calmed down until he too had caught up on the tension.

The short, sharp whistle the girl let out made him return his attention to her. She still hadn't moved, holding the phaser rifle lowered, but ready to attack should the need arise, returning his gaze, then, behind her, the sound of feet scraping over the rubble could be heard and soon enough, the heads of two children, a boy and a girl, appeared behind the corner of the building on the opposite side of the street. With a small gesture of her free hand Lexx beckoned them over and they hesitantly stepped from the cover of the building.  


Both had a few small smudges of blood on them but, just like the others, seemed shocked but unharmed. The girl was tiny, she couldn't be older than five, with black hair cut into an afro and light brown skin. It took JT a second to recognise the boy. As soon as he did, he saw Lucas break away from the group and his little brother ran over to the other boy before JT could stop him.

"Kevin!" Lucas cried out, nearly tackling his best friend to the ground and a small smile warped JT's lips at seeing the two embrace tightly. Kev tried to smile as well, but a few tears started trickling down his cheeks, mingling with crimson on their way down. He was shaking.  


Now Lexx finally moved from where she'd stood the last... however long it had been, walking from corpse to corpse, collecting the phasers and knifes, and finally picking up the bag. JT managed not to flinch when she came up to him, pressing the rifles, apart from the one she'd used before, into his arms.

When she finally spoke, her voice was quiet, rough and too controlled. "Hand those out."

He nodded and turned around. "Alright, who of you knows how to use one of these?"

After his best attempt at an encouraging smile, a few tentative hands raised, Tommy's among them. JT nodded at them, smile widening and gave them each one, keeping the last one for himself before turning back to Lexx, who hadn't moved and was now staring at an indefinite point behind him.

"Lexx?" he asked carefully. Her gaze regained focus and found his again, so JT gathered the courage to raise a hand, making sure she could see it at all times, and gently put it onto her shoulder. She flinched but didn't attack or reject his touch and after a few seconds both of them relaxed minimally.

"Are you alright?"

At first there was no reaction, but then her gaze softened almost imperceptibly, she gave a tiny shrug with the shoulder he wasn't touching and huffed a small breath through her nose in a bad imitation of her usual snorts of amusements. For the fraction of a second he saw pain flash up behind her eyes, though not the physical kind.

"Highly doubt any of us are."

"Yeah, probably not."

From the corner of his eye he saw his brother pulling Kevin back towards the group, Kevin for his part had grabbed the hand of the little girl, pulling her along, all of them trying to avoid looking at the dead bodies as much as they could. Lexx spoke up again.

"Where are youse heading?"

This was when JT realised that he didn't have a plan beyond getting away from the city. He checked his surroundings and it took him a few seconds to recognise their location. They weren't far away from his house, apparently he'd been walking towards his home unconsciously. Not that it was much of a home anymore with his parents now... no, he couldn't think about this now, they weren't out of danger yet and if he lost his focus, distracted by grief, all those kids... Lexx' expression was knowing, as if she could see his thoughts written all over his face. In this moment she almost looked like the girl he knew again.

"Remember that cave we found when we went camping with Mike and An?"

JT nodded.

"Lake on one side, mountains on the other, so there's access to fresh water and it's relatively safe. Should be 'bout three hours walk. Next best thing I can think of is the sewer system."

"Yuck. No sewers!"

He'd hoped to draw out one of the Brit's half-smiles but the moment was already over, the look on her face had hardened again, so he turned around with a small sigh, switching his phaser to 'stun', put the safety back on after the red light had turned blue and instructed the other three armed kids to do the same. When Lexx didn't appear to have any intention of following his order, he turned back to her.

"Please, set it to stun."

Her voice was back to that coldness that sent a small shiver over his back. "Theirs won't be either." 

But she did put the safety back on.

-/\\-

 

"Yes? How can I help you?" The voice of his father could be heard from the adjacent hallway.

"I would like to speak with your son."

"What do you want from him?" His father's voice now held a trace of suspicion.

"I have an offer for him. Now, could you please get him?"

A few seconds later his father appeared at the door to his room and waved for him to come join the conversation. The man standing in the entrance and was dressed just like the soldiers that had come by this morning to inform them about the city-wide raid to catch and detain all rioters and tell them to stay inside, away from the windows and doors.

"Mr Mike Harlton?"

Mike nodded. "Yes, sir?"

The soldier gave his father a stern look until the older man stepped back as far as he could without his son leaving his sight before speaking.

"From your school reports we know that you're in exceptional physical shape and have above-average intelligence. We can always use young men like you to keep the order we have re-established now that the rioters have been taken care of this afternoon.  Now, so that you understand me, this is a one-time offer: The training would begin tomorrow afternoon, and you'd officially be part of the troops in two weeks' time. We would compensate your time by raising the rations of every member of your family by fifty percent. A not insignificant amount. Do you accept?"

One and a half rations for each of them? Mike threw a glance at his father still standing behind him, taking in his sunken in cheeks and the uncomfortable clenching in his own stomach. He met the soldier's eyes.

"Yes, sir. I do, sir."

The man gave him a tight smile.

"Very good. Be at the yard behind the town hall at 1500 tomorrow." Without another word, the man turned around and left.

-/\\-

 

 JT reached out to brush some of the blood from Ellie's cheek. His sister looked exhausted from the shock and her eyes were wet but he could see her fighting the tears, a look of steely determination on her face. He was so proud of her and the strength she showed! He smiled at her and relief filled him at seeing the corners of her mouth twitch upwards briefly.

Those of the older children who were still unarmed were already picking the youngest ones back up without him having to tell them to do so, only the girl with the afro wouldn't leave Kev's side. All of them were shooting the occasional nervous glance at Lexx who was standing once again unmoving, looking at something only she saw.

Now he'd only count them again to make sure no one was missing before they could make their way into the sear forest. They looked at him expectantly as he frowned. Fourteen. Excluding him, Lexx and the infant still in the boy's arms, with the new arrivals they'd have to be fifteen.

"Someone's missing!"

The children started murmuring quietly to each other and looked around, frowns on their faces.

"Stay here!" he ordered them, "Tommy, Lexx, help me look around, don't go too far from here. Lucas, Kev, you two watch out that no one else leaves the group."

They all nodded, while he and Lexx each walked towards one of the alleyways to look if whoever was missing hid behind the corner of a near-by building and Tommy turned back to the remains of the store. They hadn't searched for long when they heard Tommy calling him with a shaky voice. Instantly, he and Lexx ran back to the store past the children watching them with wide eyes, stopping at the entrance to give their eyes the time to adjust to the gloom and not stumble over anything in the meantime. Soon he could make out Tommy's shape kneeling near the wall at the back. Next to him he was beginning to see the outline of a child slumped back against said wall. JT carefully moved forward, the colour slowly returning to his vision. Tommy turned to look at him. Tears shimmered in his eyes in the semi-darkness.

"She's barely breathing, JT!"

Now he could see that the limp figure next to Tommy was an Andorian girl, he guessed her to be about his brother's age. Her white hair was obscuring most of her face, her antennae were hanging limply on top of it and she was unconscious, the few strands of hair being stirred occasionally by her weak, shallow exhales were the only indicator that she was even still alive. Cause of this condition was the phaser burn right in the middle of her chest from which blue blood was steadily leaking to the ground.

She must have been hit when the soldiers had first discovered them and shot blindly into the dark. He'd thought the kids safe where they'd cowered to the floor but evidently he'd been wrong. The distance had weakened the phaser's power but the gravity of this injury was obvious. JT was at a complete loss. Should they try to move her or would that make matters worse? They had to stop the bleeding somehow!

He gave a start as Lexx' arm appeared next to him. Her bloodied hand made its way past the white hair and gently pressed two fingers to the Andorian's neck leaving two scarlet smudges when she removed them after a minute.

"Her pulse is already irregular and it's getting weaker. She has got _minutes_ at most. We should get moving."

"We can't just leave her here!"

"Tommy's right, there's gotta be _something_ we can do!"

When she met JT's eyes, he had a strong urge to punch that too fucking calm expression off her face. How could she be so fucking calm when there was someone dying right in front of them? But as she saw his outrage her mask slipped for the shortest of moments and he could see her grief, grief for a girl whose name they didn't even know, underneath it before she continued with the same sombre indifference as before.

"With her physiology even a much less severe hit could've been life-threatening. Any minute another squad could arrive and the mess I made out there is not exactly inconspicuous."

Tommy looked a bit sick. "We can't just _leave_ her. Why can't we take her with us?"

Lexx shook her head and got up from her crouched position. "She's dead weight. We can't afford that."

"But...!"

She didn't let Tommy finish, traces of anger showing on her face, resonating in her voice, finally showing some human emotion. "I don't like this any more than youse do, but in my opinion taking care of the living has right now kind of a higher priority than the dead!"

JT closed his eyes to take a deep breath. He took the dying girl's hand in his and gave it what he hoped would have been a comforting squeeze had she been awake, asking for her forgiveness for what he was going to do in his thoughts, then let it go reluctantly and stood up as well. His voice was wavering slightly when he opened his eyes and at last could bring himself to speak.

"She's right, Tommy. We need to get going." As soon as he started his way back to the entrance the matter seemed settled. He knew that Tommy would probably argue with him later again and guilt was weighting down on his conscience from leaving the girl to die alone, but he did feel marginally batter when Lexx whispered "I'm sorry." into his ear.

Outside he was once again met with expectant glances. JT rubbed a hand over his eyes, which at some point had filled with tears without him noticing, and took another deep breath.

"Let's go. We're complete."

No one complained or asked questions, they just followed him silently and without hesitation and he was grateful for it.

-/\\-

 

Tarsus' blue sun was beginning to set when they finally arrived at the foot of the mountains beside the lake and began their climb towards the cave, the dying day painting the sky in the most vivid shades of green and purple, colours sluggishly dancing over the water. The peacefulness of this sight seemed wrong after today's events, the scene let a sense of foreboding creeping around his heart, rather than tranquillity.

Ellie's head was leaning against his shoulder and she blinked slowly, trying to stay awake. Most of the little ones who were being carried had fallen asleep not long after they'd finally reached the forest and the rest also like they were ready to collapse any moment now. He and Lexx were the only ones fully alert, although exhaustion seemed to add several kilograms to his feet and his arms were aching from Ellie's weight, adrenaline was still coursing through his veins, making him jittery.

They'd run into three more groups of soldiers until they had finally entered the woods, but went unnoticed by two of them. When they had seen the third, he and Lexx had hidden the children and, while she'd distracted them, he had stolen their bag of the food the men had collected, though unfortunately it had turned out to be almost as empty as the first one. He didn't know what had become of the soldiers after Lexx had led them away by making noises always just out of their sight and he didn't ask.

Their already sluggish pace slowed even more now that they started climbing, breath whistling in their lungs from the exertion. He winced whenever he had to use one of his cut hands to steady himself on a rock and going by the quiet hisses some let out behind him, the others weren't faring much better. Lexx had taken the lead now, apparently much less affected by fatigue, and he was quickly losing sight of her, pausing every few minutes to check on the rest of the kids. Tommy remained the last just like JT had ordered him, taking care that no one was lost.

After a few long minutes Lexx reappeared, now sans the two bags, sliding down easily from rock to rock since her hands were (as far as he could see) uninjured, making the climb considerably easier for her. When she reached him, she wordlessly gestured first at the phaser, slinging it over her shoulders, and then at his sister. Ellie didn't protest when the older girl lifted her from her brother's arms into her own and started climbing upwards again.

JT turned around to a red-faced Kevin, who was obviously struggling under the weight of the little girl who had refused to leave his side. The boy had picked her up after she'd stumbled repeatedly, eyelids drooping, but still resisted to be carried by anyone else. Now she was fast asleep.

Kev threw him a questioning look that turned into one of comprehension when JT stretched his arms towards the caramel-skinned girl and started to loosen her arms which had wound around his neck carefully, trying not to wake her up. He froze when she made a small noise of discomfort at being parted from him, but she slept on and settled back down as soon as she was securely in JT's grip and some time later in Lexx', who had made another trip down.

This went on for the remainder of the trek, the other children handing the little ones up to him one by one, he himself giving them to the Brit whenever she came back and when they all finally reached the entrance of the cave even she was visibly tired out.

For a minute, JT could only look at them, this ragtag group of children, the ones who weren't asleep once again looked back at him with expectation, postures slumped and eyes tired, humans and alien alike, a fatigue on their faces that went far beyond the mere physical, a harsh reminder of what they'd been through today. But for now they were safe here. He gave them a little smile and was pleased when they tried to smile back.

Lexx picked one food bag back up and walked over to him. "Most of youse have scratches. You should take them down to the lake to wash up, the last thing we need is for someone to get an infection."

He nodded. This was a danger he hadn't even considered yet. Out here, where they lacked any way of treating it, even the smallest cut going septic could become a real threat.

The bloodied girl cast a short glance over the others and pressed the bag into JT's hand. "I reckon you should give them a little to eat first." She turned away.

"Where are you going?"

She hesitated and looked to the ground. "I'll need to take a bath, so I thought I could do it now before the others come down." She paused, still avoiding his eyes. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet and a bit embarrassed. "I don't want them to see... _that_." She gestured vaguely at her torso and back and JT understood. Her scars would certainly startle the kids.

"Okay. But you have to eat something later!"

When he didn't get a response he turned back around and crouched down to open the bag. Its contents amounted to approximately three adult male's rations of non-perishables, mostly canned fruit and vegetables, some energy-bars and, to his delight, a jar of peanut butter.

Without a pot to cook them in and all of them too tired to look for firewood the vegetables weren't of much use, they'd have to get their hands on some utensils soon, but for now he decided on a can of peaches, one with tangerines and the peanut butter. They all were in desperate need of some comfort food.

"Lucas?"

His brother looked up and got to his feet immediately.

"Wake up the ones who are sleeping. It's time for dinner!"

He felt a little of the weight on his soul lifting as he saw Lucas' eyes widen and light up at the mention of food, a small but real smile sneaking onto his brother's face as he turned to walk over to the sleeping children who were leaning back against the rock in and near the entrance of the cave, kneeling down in front of his sister first, shaking her shoulder gently until she opened her bleary eyes, then moving on to the boy next to her.

Meanwhile JT rummaged around in the bag in search of the knife he'd seen Lexx put in there earlier and, for the lack of a can opener, grabbed one of the bigger stones lying close to him. After a few minutes and a lot of expletives muttered under his breath he'd finally managed to get a hole into the first tin that was big enough to get the tip of the knife in to open it further, trying his best to spill as little of the sugary solution as possible. Who knew how or when they would get more food. He wouldn't waste even the smallest source of calories if he could help it.

Opening the second one proved to be much easier and faster now that he'd figured out the process. He ignored the small cut where the metal sank into the skin of his fingers as he tore at it before it finally gave in and bent to his will. One more or less wouldn't make a difference now. When he looked up, a look of grim satisfaction on his face, it was to find the children patiently waiting in front of him, neatly lined up, younger kids first to older ones at the back, most of them with sleepy eyes but no one was complaining or trying to rush him, just waiting, patiently and in silence.

Once again he felt a spark of pride glowing into life in him, warming his heart, making him smile while giving out the food, a few pieces of fruit and a generous amount of peanut butter for each, taking his share only after all of them had gotten theirs, alternating between eating and trying to get the newborn to drink the sugar solution while the boy from earlier held the tiny girl. Since they were lacking any utensils, they all had to eat the sticky meal with their bare hands, though given their situation none of them seemed bothered by this.

"Come on, everyone," he said as soon as they all had finished eating, "let's go down to the lake, get you cleaned up a bit as long as there's still enough light. Then we'll come back here and you can sleep!"

A collective sigh of reluctance from exhaustion could be heard. Most of the kids climbed to their feet as soon as he'd finished speaking, their movements sluggish and uncoordinated, and those who grumbled in weak protest did so as well after he gave them a stern look.

The climb from the entrance of the cave to the lake's shore wasn't a long one, fully rested it might have taken three of four minutes but slowed down by fatigue they stretched to ten.

When they arrived at the waterfront, JT quickly spotted Lexx sitting on a rock, trying to squeeze the water from her short, black hair. It was still slightly reddish where it ran over her nearly white skin and her shirt was crackled with dried blood. She probably hadn't washed it because of the lack of anything to change into. He didn't comment on this when she greeted them with a nod and a blank face. Neither on the reddened streaks of skin - scratch marks - covering her hands and forearms.

He turned to the children assembled behind him. "You need to wash any scratches or cuts you have. As long as we don't have meds we all need to be really careful not to get any infections, okay?"

Nods and words of affirmations.

"Tommy, can you help me with the younger ones? And you too...?" He pointed at a boy who looked to be a little older than himself with his hair dyed in a bright green and grey-blue eyes.

"Daryl. My name's Daryl Eames."

JT smiled gratefully. "Okay, Daryl, can you go help Tommy there after you're done washing yourself?"

Daryl nodded. "Of course... uhm... JT, right?"

"Yeah. Thank you!"

Once they'd stepped into the cool water, a blessing after the simmering heat of the day, they slowly started to loosen up and talk quietly with each other while JT walked around between them, introducing himself to each of them, learning their names.

The name of the boy who had been right behind him in the vents was Phillippe Guillaume, Phil for short, he was ten years old. His parents were from earth, Nice, but he'd been born on Tarsus and spoke with only a slight French accent.

Aaron and Aidan Smith were identical twins from Lunar Colony Two and had moved here when they were 4, now they'd turned eleven three weeks ago. Both had tanned skin and dark blonde hair.

He stayed a while to help the girl whose arm had been grazed by a phaser shot earlier this afternoon. Her bright green eyes teared up when the water touched the damaged skin but aside from a few pained hisses she didn't complain or whine. She was very pretty, freckles covering her entire skin, her hair was curly and bright ginger, she was thirteen years old and introduced herself as Emma Molson.

Next there was T'Jir, a Vulcan girl, by human years she was seven, her parents had worked at one of the numerous research institutes though they'd intended to return to Vulcan in eight months. Despite her quite young age, JT could see a maturity in her that most humans wouldn't reach until their thirties, her dark eyes held intelligence and curiosity though her face was kept impassive through Vulcan logic, yet even she seemed shaken by today's events. He hoped the shock wouldn't be made worse by the Vulcan reluctance to show feelings. In an extreme situation like this, surely this couldn't be healthy? He remembered reading about Vulcan meditation as their form of coping with stress in his school back in Iowa and made a mental note to look for a quiet and safe place for her to meditate in peace.

One of the youngest ones was M'Rina, a five year old Catian with fine, honey-coloured fur covering her skin and a slightly darker mane. She needed a lot of persuasion and calming words to be convinced to enter the water but didn't speak much.

Then there were the Zhang siblings, twelve year old Cheng and his sister Mei, aged four, descendants of an old Chinese family. They'd lived with their family on Rilgel V for a while before moving here, where Mei was born.

The little girl with the afro who was still clinging to Kevin's side was indeed five years old, just like he'd guessed, and appeared to be the one most affected by the atrocities they all had witnessed today, watching everyone with huge eyes and hiding behind Kevin whenever someone approached her. Then again, they all were still in shock, who knew how any of them would react once it abated. After Kev had spent what had to have been ten minutes or so trying to coax her into speaking, she finally peered from behind the boy to look at JT. "Kara." was the only thing she said with a thin voice, but she carefully smiled back, when JT beamed at her.

Daryl, the boy with the green hair was fifteen and had been living here for four years. Before that, his parents had moved from colony to colony, never really settling down before finally finding the home they'd always dreamed of on Tarsus IV.

When the dying sun finally sank behind the mountains and the purple glowing sky quickly turned darker, the first stars already showing, he called for the children to leave the shallow water. They had to go back as long as there was still enough light, making the climb as tired as they were in the dark would be impossible. Getting back up to the cave unsurprisingly turned out to take much longer than coming down had and as soon as they'd reached the cavern most of the children simply laid down where they were standing, huddling together for warmth and comfort.

"JT?"

He turned around to see Tommy standing there somewhat awkwardly, holding the baby girl who had woken up again and was starting to cry, almost inaudible at first but soon getting louder.

"Yeah?"

"That French boy..."

"Phil?"

Tommy nodded. "Phil gave her to me and I don't know..."

They both stood there clueless for a moment before Emma came over to them and broke the silence.

"She's beautiful! Can I hold her?"

"Sure?" Tommy's movements were uncoordinated as he handed her over, making him look like he was handling some unknown creature rather than an infant. Emma took her with practiced ease and started rocking her gently as soon as she had her secure in her arms. The baby stopped crying instantly. Both Tommy and JT gave her impressed looks.

"My father is..." She hesitated and swallowed thickly, her voice breaking a little when she continued, "... _was_ a paediatrician. I sometimes helped out in his practice. Looked after the children." No one said anything until she'd regained some of her composure and looked back up, gaze flickering in between the two boys before returning to the new-born. "What's her name?"

Silence. Tommy looked at JT who shrugged. "I... I didn't have time to ask."

"Oh. _You_ should give her one."

JT's mouth opened and closed a few times before he was saved from responding by Daryl.

"What's going on?"

Emma turned around to him, gesturing with her chin at the baby who'd fallen back asleep. "She doesn't have a name."

"Oh." Daryl now looked expectantly towards JT as well.

The blue-eyed teen cleared his throat. "Can any of you think of a nice name? Or maybe we could make it a group decision tomorrow when the others wake up?"

Daryl shrugged, still looking at him. "I think _you_ should be the one to name her."

Tommy and Emma made affirmative sounds.

"Why me?"

He visibly startled when he heard Lexx speak next to him, having neither seen nor heard her move. "'Cause you're the leader."

The other three teens nodded rather enthusiastically.

He sighed and thought, running through names in his head, trying to find one that wasn't too laden with memories. This was a big decision, whatever name he picked would be the one this girl wore for her entire life. He wished that someone else could do it, wished he'd thought to ask the mother. He knew that even if he had, she might not have been able to answer him, more than that, the delay would have risked the life of the girl as well as his own.

He tried to picture the baby's mother, hoping that that might help him find one she would've liked, but he found that he couldn't remember much, it had all been so quick! The pain in her face, the trembling of her muscles as the blood that ran from her body took her strength with it, her eyes, opened wide and filled with wonder when they met his. _You are an angel._

"Angel. Her name's Angel."

Emma smiled, first at him, that down at the baby she held, shifting to take some weight off her injured arm. "That's a beautiful name. I think she'll like it when she grows up."

Daryl hummed in agreement. They all stood in comfortable silence for a moment, looking at Angel sleeping peacefully in Emma's arms, before the others yawned and went over to the cave for some much needed rest, leaving only him and Lexx standing outside. He breathed in and opened his mouth but she beat him to it.

"Why Angel?"

"Her mother... The woman who gave her to me, that was one of the last things she said. She called me an angel. Why did you say I'm the leader?"

The look his friend gave him practically screamed _Seriously?_ "Because it's the truth. You are."

"But why me? That's something we all should decide by voting. Also, Daryl and Tommy are older than me."

"Do you remember what I told you about age when we met?" JT nodded but she continued before he had the chance to reply. "And even if we were to vote, each and every one of us would vote for _you_. That decision was already made. You became their leader the moment you chose to save their lives and led them out of the city."

"But I don't know what I'm doing! I have _no fucking idea_ how to be that! How do I know if I make the right decisions? How do I keep them all _alive_? You should be our leader! You know what to do, don't you?" His voice took on a pleading tone towards the end.

Darkness had almost completely fallen by now, leaving only the starlight and a faint, dark purple hue in the sky, matching his friend's eye colour, but he didn't need more light to see that her face had once again become nearly expressionless, he saw it in the way she held herself too still, the way the small chuckle she let out was hollow and humourless, sending a shiver down his spine, making him feel increasingly uneasy.

"You reckon? JT, I'm just as clueless as you here. Yes, I've seen bad shit, my skin's proof of that, but _this_... And I could never be their leader, they're _scared_ of me, and rightfully so."

"Lexx, they're not..."

She didn't let him finish and whirled around, standing in front of him now, holding his gaze, still too calm. " _You_ are scared of me as well. Don't deny it, it's too bloody obvious. You saw what I did. Everyone remotely passing for 'in their right mind' would be scared."

Although her pose wasn't threatening his flight instinct flared up. Yes, he _had_ been scared. "I just... I don't understand how you did that! Why... How...?"

Another chuckle, this one infused with liquid nitrogen, but he could also hear pain behind it. "I learned to fight like that the same way anyone learns anything." She leaned in for a moment, just long enough to whisper: " _Practice._ "

" _When?_ It's just... I don't know _anything_ about you, Lexx, none of us do! I don't know why you can fight like I saw you do. I don't know where you're from, I don't know who your parents are or why you're emancipated. I don't know how you got those scars. I don't know anything about your life before Tarsus. I don't know anything at all except you like the same old music I do and your name is Lexx Guevara. _Hell,_ I don't even know if that even _is_ your fucking name!"

JT's voice had gotten louder and louder without him noticing and he'd started to raise his hands to grab her and physically shake some long overdue answers out of her but he instantly froze perplexed upon hearing her laugh. Not the eerily empty kind of chuckle she'd let out before but actual laugher, born out of real amusement and finally, _finally_ , she looked like the girl who'd become his best friend once more, eyes challenging and alight with mischief when she'd calmed down enough to talk. By that time he was torn between laughing as well and throttling her.

"You're one to talk, _Kirk_!"

He gaped, making her dissolve into giggles again. He sounded oddly squeaky when he finally forced out a "What?"

"Oh come on, it wasn't that hard to figure out. You hate your birthday which coincides with the _Kelvin Memorial Day_ , the day on which the son of the _Kelvin_ hero was born whose name happens to be James Tiberius, not the most common name in this century, a quick search in the interweb and you find out that said son returned with the widow to Iowa, where you happen to come from, also you were recently adopted, which means a change of the last name would not be unusual. And we all know what George Kirk looked like, the resemblance is uncanny. Now with your reaction as a final proof for my theory I can safely conclude: You are James Tiberius _Kirk_ , second son of the renowned Federation hero George Kirk."

JT blinked. Lexx chuckled again but then turned serious.

"I'm sorry..."

He had just taken a deep breath to start yelling at her because he was _not listening to this from anyone ever again_ before she held a hand up, signalling him to let her finish.

"Not about what you think. I'm sorry about all the morons you had to put up with who look at you differently because of an event you had neither control over, nor have any recollection of."

And with this she'd finally taken the wind out of his sails and the day's events caught up to him. Hadn't she caught him, he would've collapsed right where he stood. JT let himself be led to one of the bigger rocks where two of them sat down. Now that the protective cocoon of shock was gone fresh,  _horrible_ memories deluged him together with the certainty that his parents were among those countless people who were just _gone_ and the realisation that he now had fourteen children and one infant relying on him for survival, making him shake and sob and fall apart, his friend's hand on his shoulder the only thing keeping him tethered to reality.

He had no idea how long they both sat there his body shaken by sobs and tears running down his face, her keeping him company in silence, knowing that all words were ridiculously inadequate in this situation. She only spoke quietly again after his sobbing had subsided and he felt like he didn't have any tears left.

"You know, you're already a bigger hero than _he_ ever was."

He half expected her to laugh again at the incredulous look from his red eyes and blotchy face but instead she just smiled that warm, reassuring and slightly mysterious big-sister-smile he usually only saw after she'd woken him from a nightmare.

"JT, all he did was sit in a chair for twelve minutes. Yes, the decision he made was a brave one and saved many lives, but he was a grown man and he knew the risks that come with working in a semi-military organisation. What you did today was extraordinary. Spitfire told me how you led them through the vents and the city, how you saved them from the guard and kept them from being discovered. You, as a fourteen-year-old, not only survived a genocide, but you spent hours carrying your sister, leading others, risking your life the entire time when you would've been safer on your own and you did all that without a second thought, without hesitation. To me, and to every single one of them, you're a hero."

Apparently there were still a few tears left in his eyes and he pulled her in for a brief hug before she continued.

"I have no doubt that you'll do great as our leader. I cannot think of anyone I'd rather have in this position and I will assist you in every way I can."

JT swallowed thickly and tried to convey the magnitude of his feelings through his gaze and voice as mere words would never suffice as he whispered "Thank you." Lexx nodded almost imperceptibly. _You're welcome._ They remained seated there quietly for another few minutes until he had his breathing fully under control and was more or less certain that he wouldn't burst into tears any moment again, then the Brit gently pushed him away.

"You should go, get as much rest as possible while you can. Tomorrow, when the initial shock is gone, they'll go through the same you just did and they'll need you. Go sleep, I'll keep watch tonight."

He nodded and got up. After a few steps he turned around once more. "Really, thank you!"

But she was already lost in her own mind again, expression perfectly blank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading! And thank you for being patient, I hope you found it worth the wait.
> 
> Please comment? Please? I'm happy about any feedback! :) Pretty please?


	7. Human Remains - Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I'm not good at updating faster than every few weeks. In my defense, I've been away again for a while and didn't have access to a computer, I'll keep trying to update more often. Really sorry!!! Thank you for bearing with me!
> 
> Well, at least it's long. Very long. Actually, it's the longest chapter yet, more than 10k (yay me)! Hope you'll enjoy it!
> 
> Warnings: not much, starvation, mentioned/implied violence

It was still mostly dark when JT awoke to the sound of half-suppressed sniffling. He tried to clear his blurry vision by blinking several times and ignored the protest of his sluggish brain trying to drag him back under as he carefully worked to extract his arm from underneath his siblings who were hugging each other in their sleep. He stifled a yawn and ignored the part of him telling him to just lay back down and get the rest he sorely needed. How could he, when one of the children was crying somewhere in the dark?

He couldn't help the small groan as pain shot through him when he tried to stretch out the kinks in his back and decided to step closer to the entrance where the first shimmer of green touched the sky to take a look at its cause. A bruise the approximate size of both his hands marred the right side of his ribcage. Right, running at full speed and with your whole body weight into a metal shelf and subsequently sleeping on a rock after carrying people around would do that to you. He hissed when he probed around at the injury with his fingers but breathed a sigh of relief when the bone underneath seemed whole and undamaged.

Another sniffle from behind him reminded him of why he'd gotten up and finally cleared the remaining fog of sleep from his mind, so he turned around and walked deeper inside, stepping over the other in search of the sound's origin. After a few minutes, he finally found M'Rina huddled in a corner at the back, knees drawn up to her chest, arms and tail around them and her head resting on her arms. JT struggled for words but couldn't find any, so he just stepped closer, letting his feet drag a bit over the floor so the noise would alert her to his presence, and finally let himself slide to the ground next to her.

She remained in her crouched position for another minute but as JT started to wonder whether she'd even registered him, the little girl suddenly let herself slump to the side, leaning against him and huddling closer when he instinctively wrapped an arm around her. On a hunch he moved his other hand to the Catian's head and began petting her behind her large ears like he'd often done with the cats that occasionally found their way onto the farm in Riverside and indeed, this seemed to soothe her somewhat. They sat like this for what he guessed to be twenty minutes, based on the greenish light of dawn slowly illuminating more and more of the cavern, then her small body had finally stopped shaking against his and her breathing deepened again.

JT took off his shirt, leaving him in the thinner, white singlet he wore underneath and spread it out on the ground, carefully picking up the little girl and laying her on it. It wouldn't do much in the way of cushioning her but he didn't have the heart to just put her down onto the bare rock. 'Blankets' joined the ever growing mental list of things he'd have to acquire somehow.

He looked up when the sound of more crying reached his ears and saw several ones of the children stirring. In another corner he spotted the twins holding each other, tear tracks reflecting the first daylight and a few metres from them, Cheng was rocking little Mei back and forth, face buried in his sister's hair, all four doing their best to be quiet, trying not to disturb the sleeping ones and ignoring the other ones who were already awake, giving each other a semblance of privacy so he decided to do the same, leaving the four siblings to comfort each other.

He did however instantly rush to her side, when Ellie woke with a gasp and let out a small whimper, the sound making his heart clench painfully in his chest. She whipped her head around in search of him while Lucas now slowly sat up as well, woken by his sister's movement. She started sobbing quietly when JT kneeled down next to her and took her into his arms, bringing tears into his own eyes as well though he didn't allow himself to let them fall. Lucas tried the same but soon teardrops were running down his cheeks too and JT extended one arm, drawing his little brother to his chest next to his sister, holding both there tightly until he felt Ellie stirring.

She raised her head, red hair messy and sticking to the salty fluid on one cheek, and looked at him with her grey-green eyes bloodshot and wide open, her voice thin and shaky. "Where's mommy and daddy?"

Her look was filled with a mixture of hope and dread as she waited for his answer and JT swallowed thickly, trying to find his voice or maybe he was just desperate to delay the inevitability of having to confirm what he was sure Ellie already knew but for now could still deny just a few more seconds. He opened his mouth and closed it again as no sound left it, searched for the right words where there were none. _How do you tell your baby sister that her parents are dead?_

Now Lucas' eyes were fixed on his as well, teary and bloodshot, just like his sister's, and as JT hesitated, he had to watch the realisation sinking in in them and with it the glimmer of hope that his brother's face had held was dimming more with each passing second until it was finally extinguished. Seeing this and being unable to help, to make this easier, JT knew that this moment was the one his brother's childhood was taken from him, that this boy would never be a child again. This minuscule instant was the one in which Lucas grew up. The knowledge that he had to take away the same from his sister now was nearly unbearable and JT could feel his heart being torn into a million pieces, one at a time, when he finally made the words leave his mouth, stroking Ellie's hair almost reverently.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'm so, so sorry."

The look on Ellie's face felt as if she was pleading him not to continue and Lucas averted his eyes now, looking to the ground to hide his tears and this was almost worse than having to stare into the newfound hopelessness in them. JT's voice was shaking.

"I tried to get them out through the vent like we did, but it was just too small, they couldn't get in, there was nothing I could do. I'm sorry."

The pleading expression still hadn't left his sister's face. "Are they coming back?"

He swallowed again and closed his stinging eyes for a moment. Carrying her for hours while on the run was nothing compared to how hard it was to shake his head now. He needed several tries until he pressed out a broken whisper: "They're gone."

He drew her back against his chest so he didn't have to watch the hope in her shatter, each of her muffled sobs crushing the pieces left of his heart anew. Around them, the sound of the others crying as well had slowly gotten louder and suddenly JT felt like he was choking, like the grief that filled the cave had taken all of the air away and he had the nearly overwhelming urge to run outside, get away for just a minute. A hand tugging at his arm pulled him back into reality and his gaze met Lucas', his little brother giving him the smallest of nods, so he loosened his grip on Ellie for the younger boy to embrace her. JT ran a hand through his brother's hair, kissed his forehead and then finally stood up, stepping past the twins and a crying Emma rocking Angel in her arms, Daryl sitting a few steps behind her against the wall, and at last stepping outside into the green morning light.

The sun hadn't risen past the mountains yet, so the air was still cool enough that a small breeze sent goose bumps over his bare arms. Taking a few more steps away from the entrance, he could now see the lake glistening in between the trees' dried leaves and the light of dawn brought out all the different colours of the rocks, yet where he once would have been stunned by the landscape's beauty, it now filled him with an inexplicable sense of foreboding and wrongness. Anger spiked up in him at this serenity, at seeing the planet turn on and a new day begin as if nothing had happened. He knew it was a stupid thought, but he'd somehow expected it to be otherwise, that the physical world would show some change after his own had just fallen apart. It only lasted a few seconds before the anger abated again.

Having calmed down again, JT turned back towards the cavern only to stop in his tracks when he saw T'Jir. The young Vulcan was leaning against the rock a few paces away from the cave's entrance with her legs pulled up to her chest and one arm wrapped around them, her robe torn at the edges and shifting in the breeze, expression emotionless, posture tense. She looked up when he started walking towards her, waiting for him to speak first.

"Are you alright?"

The girl seemed to hesitate for a moment, considering the question. "I am functional."

Up close he could see that her emotionless mask looked forced, her eyes flickered almost nervously between him, the cave and the trees and she was fidgeting barely noticeably. The blonde teen slid down next to her, careful to avoid any physical contact. They were silent for a few moments until he saw T'Jir's gaze linger on the cavern, the smallest of frowns now marring her face, accompanied by a slight increase of her fidgeting and a suspicion was slowly taking form in his mind.

"Can you feel them? The others, I mean, their emotions?"

His question was rewarded with an almost-expression of surprise. "Affirmative. I am young, I have yet to fully master the art of shielding."

"I thought Vulcans are touch-telepaths?"

"That is correct, but emotions tend to be projected stronger than thoughts and can therefore be perceived without direct contact, given a small enough distance."

He nodded in understanding. "They're probably projecting pretty strong right now, huh?"

The Vulcan's voice was just a whisper now. "Yes. They have so much pain and grief."

He longed to comfort her in some way, unable to imagine what it had to be like not to deal with your own shock and grief, but also to have to feel the one of everyone around you and wished he could help her somehow. His face lit up marginally when a point on his mental to-do list made itself felt.

"Meditation would help, wouldn't it? I've read that Vulcans do it a lot in difficult situations. I'll go and look for a quiet place somewhere close to here, okay?"

T'Jir's eyes had widened slightly and she now was staring to him with something akin to gratitude. "Yes, that would be very helpful."

The teen gave her a small smile, but paused for another second before getting up. "T'Jir, do you know where Lexx is? I've been meaning to talk to her, maybe she even found a private spot for you to go."

"The dark-haired Terran female, approximately of your age?"

"Yeah."

She gestured for him to wait while her dark eyes narrowed in concentration. "I think I can feel her in this direction." She pointed towards the mountain above their refuge and her frown deepened a bit. "She is troubled, but in a different way than the others."

"Different how?"

"I am not certain. Older or perhaps deeper. Somewhat similar to yours. If you wish, I can accompany you, we would find her considerably faster."

JT frowned for a second, but decided to ask her later about what she'd meant. "Thanks, that'd be great!"

Both climbed to their feet, but after taking three steps, JT noticed that the alien girl wasn't following. When he looked back at her, it was to find her fidgeting again, fingers twitching nervously, eyes widened when they finally met his and there was a deep sincerity in them when she spoke.

"JT, you have saved my life yesterday." She tried to suppress the shudder at the memories this had to awaken but he saw it anyway but chose not to comment, letting her continue. "I wish to express my gratitude to you, yet I fear there are no adequate words to convey its depth."

She stepped closer, hesitantly yet determined. " _Nam-tor ek'wak nash-veh itar-bosh heh odu svi'sa'akh, JT. Itaren nash-veh odu_." With that, she raised one arm and carefully pressed her index and middle finger to his cheek for the fraction of a second.

He stood there confused for a moment. When he was about to ask what she had said, the young Vulcan had already begun walking away, towards the mountain and upon turning around he spotted Lexx standing on a rock about two metres above and a few more to the side of the cave, watching him with a small, half fondly amused, half mysterious smile.

-/\\-

 

 Save for a small, bright blue puddle at the bottom, the bottle was empty, a fact that didn't change as she continued to stare at it intently, trying her best not to let the colour remind her of two pairs of eyes, one long gone, incinerated in a cosmic blast, the other in the face of a child, alive but just as much out of her reach. Or maybe not.

"Should I call them? Maybe they'll let me speak to him. He's all that's left of..." Here she choked, her voice running away from the pain welling up in her, now, compared to usually, almost pleasantly numbed by the buzz of intoxication.

"Should I?" she again asked the bottle.

The small leftover of the Romulan ale swished round in its confinement with her unsteady grip but gave no answer to her inquiry. At the liquid's continued unhelpfulness, Winona set the bottle down onto her desk with a bit more force than strictly necessary and a frustrated grunt, and, after ensuring it wouldn't tip over, got up to walk over to the console, her mind finally made up. Or so she'd intended. Instead she found herself sprawled on the floor, elbows and chin aching from the impact. After her fourth attempt at standing, she gave it up as a lost cause and decided that her wobbly crawl would get her there just as well, even if she'd probably bruise or scrape her knees in the process, the short dress of her uniform doing nothing to protect them.

After a few minutes and falling over twice, she dragged herself up on the desk of the adjoining room, slumping over to catch her breath once she was more or less seated safely, before punching in her brother's comm number. This too required more attempts than she was willing to admit.

The next few minutes were spent with anticipation curling in her gut while the comm unit tried to establish a connection. A calm, computerised voice informed her that no connection could be made and she swore loudly, punched the screen and then tried again with the same result, repeating the process several times until the realisation dawned on her, that for some reason, she couldn't reach Dave. Winona frowned.

After fumbling a little with the console, she managed to hail the bridge's comm station.

"Lieutenant Kirk, how can I help you?" the cheerful voice of Lili Brixton, the Communications Officer on duty, sounded through the speaker. Brixton was a tiny woman she'd seen around at the mess occasionally but they'd never spoken beyond the usual small talk.

"I've been trying to reach my brother but I can't. I think there's a problem with the comm."

"Alright, let me just check."

Winona watched her fiddle around in an area beyond that being showed on the monitor, the speakers filling her quarters with static. She started drumming her fingers on the table, but the rhythmic noise and rapid movement in the corner of her vision made her dizzy.

"Lieutenant?"

She looked up.

"Your comm unit seems fine, so the problem is probably on the other side. Where is your brother currently?"

"That colony, pretty far from anything. Tarsus IV."

Again, Brixton fiddled around somewhere off screen for a few seconds before turning back. A small hint of nausea made itself known in Winona's stomach. Why did that woman have to turn around so much?

"...nant Kirk?"

She used all of her considerable stubbornness to return her focus to her fellow officer. "Yeah?"

"There's a report of an ion storm in the Tarsus system from four months ago."

Winona nodded. Which turned out to be a very bad idea, since the nausea seemed to take that as permission to grow exponentially. When Brixton continued, she barely registered it, but tried to look attentive.

"It's kind of strange, don't you think? I mean, I don't think I've ever heard of an ion storm lasting that... Lieutenant, are you _drunk_?!"

Now all thoughts of her brother and son forgotten, she only returned Brixton's outraged, dumbfounded look with glassy eyes before ending the connection with an under the circumstances surprisingly well-aimed punch to the console and bolted towards the bathroom. Halfway there she tipped over nothing, prompting her stomach to empty itself. Her attempt at getting back up failed and her head and upper body made a repugnant splash as they landed in the former contents of her digestive system. Her world went black.

-/\\-

 

 "Status report?" JT asked playfully in between licking the remaining sugar water from the few slices of canned pineapples he'd just had off his hands. Despite his tone he was tense, uncomfortable. How could he not be when he could still hear a sob every now and then echoing from below?

After bringing T'Jir to a small plateau a few minutes' climb away from their shelter but still within sight so she could meditate, he'd busied himself giving out a few canned fruits to everyone and trying what he could to comfort the mourning children, knowing there was next to nothing he could do. At least the food had seemed to soothe them for a bit. He'd done so for what he estimated to be two hours, until he felt like the weight of their grief was crushing him.

Now he sat next on the rock above and a bit to the side of the cave's entry, his singlet stuck to the skin of his back uncomfortably from the heat of the sun which had now risen beyond the mountains, filling the space underneath him with its cold light. From what Tommy had told him, usually they'd be well into the beginning of autumn now and the temperatures should've started to go down, but the sizzling summer heat showed no sign of abating just yet.

Lexx snorted, a small smirk appearing, yet disappearing just as fast. "Aye, Captain." she replied just as playful, then turning serious, a small sigh escaping her.

"The amount of food we have might last us a week if we really ration, ten days at max. We will also need cooking supplies, spare clothing and some basic first aid stuff will certainly become necessary at some point, sooner rather than later. Since there weren't any meds in the two bags we took I assume they were left inside the houses and flats they searched, same goes for clothes. Obviously food will be the biggest issue regarding supplies, there are some small rodent-like species in these woods, but for now our best shot might be whatever they may have overlooked. In any case someone will have to return to the city.

"Good news is that it has been quiet all night, so either no one bothered to follow us or no one is aware that we survived. I am fairly certain though that a few others have made it out as well and that might become a problem, also, we have to expect that the nightly riot patrols will continue and that they most likely have been exacerbated. We should constantly have someone watch the terrain, so we need to set up a rotating shift system. Should it come down to it this place is fairly defendable, but for emergencies we should look for a possible escape route and another place to stay. We have three knifes and five phaser rifles though we should save the charge of those as much as possible, they're all at least halfway empty already.

"Then there's a problem of psychological nature: we definitely need a way to keep the others occupied. You know as well as I that everyone here is massively traumatised and extended periods of boredom will make matters indefinitely worse." She swallowed thickly. "It will lead to recklessness, aggression and severe depression to the point where we have to reckon with suicides. I've seen it happen too many times." That last sentence was nothing but a whisper.

"Also..." Here she hesitated, seemingly unable to speak for a moment, refusing to meet his eyes. When she could finally continue her eyes had that faraway look he'd seen a few times yesterday again. Her voice was quiet now and constantly on the verge of breaking with a detached quality to it, like reciting something learned by heart, a lecture received too often, the words belonging to someone else, her expression pained and lost in memory.

"There _is_ safety in numbers, but, more importantly, there is also power, a power that must not, under any circumstances, be underestimated. An individual is vulnerable, not only physically but especially psychologically. While a few may achieve greatness, they do so only if they are endowed with the right psychological presuppositions, but for the vast majority, their will is easily broken, they often cannot summon the courage to act in the first place. Not so groups, once committed to a goal, each member's will feeds the others, break one and the others will restore them. That is why it is crucial to break them apart the moment you see them form. Take out the leader, drive a wedge in between them, play them off against each other, make them resent one another, do whatever is necessary. That is the only way you blight even the mere idea of resistance."

She was silent again while she finally seemed to return to reality, her gaze no longer absent, face back to neutrality. The raven-haired girl cleared her throat before speaking again.

"Anyway, argumentum e contrario, that means that under no circumstances can you allow this group to break apart. You as our leader must prevent any arguments, anything that threatens to make different parties form, because alone none of us would stand a chance. By surviving, we are the resistance."

JT nodded, wondering for the umpteenth time what the hell had happened to her before she'd come here, but he knew that right now wasn't the time to ask. Not that there ever was a right time, which became increasingly frustrating.

"Okay, how do I do that?"

"No idea. I was taught how to make them turn on each other, not to prevent it. Keep them occupied, I guess. Talk to them when there are problems, the usual stuff. You'll figure it out. Generally, the older, the more potential to create problems, though from what I've seen, you should worry more about people like Tommy and Cheng than Daryl or Emma. And the younger ones will get over the trauma more easily and adapt quicker."

"How do you know all that?"

She grinned. "Why? Questioning the validity of my information there?"

He couldn't help but grin back, the familiar banter doing wonders for his nerves. "Should I?"

"That is up to your judgement, Captain."

Quiet laugher bubbled up in him at her mock-formal tone of voice. "I trust my first officer." That made an idea form in his head. "Hey, do you think it would help to give some of them official roles? Like the command structure of a spaceship?"

The Brit tilted her head and considered the older boy's question for a moment. "I don't know. It might. It's probably a good idea for the older ones to have specific areas of responsibility, would make them feel useful and knowing whom to ask questions will help the younger ones a lot too."

"Right. We'll do that, then. But you _are_ my first officer, there's no getting out of this one!"

That earned him an amused smile. "If you say so. There seems to be no point in arguing."

The grin returned to the blonde's face. "Exactly. I should go back down, look after the others." He'd begun climbing back when his best friend called him back.

"JT?"

Electric blue eyes met dark, purplish ones. "Are _you_ alright?" He could see plainly written in her face that she wouldn't take any bullshit right now, so he considered her inquiry for a few seconds. Was he?

JT shrugged with one shoulder, making the scabbed-over cut the blades of the rotor had left behind the day before reopen a bit. "Yeah, for now I think I'm as close to it as I'll get." He refused to squirm under the scrutinising look she gave him until she was convinced that he had told the truth.

-/\\-

 

Tommy rubbed first his eyes, than his face, probably doing more harm than good. He didn't need a mirror to know that his eyes were bloodshot and his face blotchy from crying, everyone looked like that right now, yet he still felt a good measure of embarrassment at having to step under the others' sight like this. Of course it didn't help that Lexx and (of course) JT looked perfectly composed. The two in question were sitting maybe ten metres away from the entry, about the spot where they'd started their descend to the lake the previous evening. _That was only yesterday?_ To him it felt like years, yet no time at all since... He did his best to avoid thinking about all that again, lest he burst into tears right where he stood. He'd probably die of humiliation if Lexx saw him.

JT, as always right next to her, leaned closer to speak to her quietly and he felt a sharp stab of jealously pierce his heart when whatever the blonde teen had said made her smile a bit. He knew that he didn't have the slightest chance with her, yet he couldn't help but wish to have at least JT's status as best friend and this matter was only being complicated further by his gratitude towards JT for saving his life. He hadn't actually seen anything that had happened in the hall, but the horrific screams he'd heard and the bits and pieces of information he'd gotten from the others now that the shock was gone had been more than enough to paint a clear picture.

As if that wasn't enough, his brain still struggled to comprehend the two versions of Lexx he'd seen, the breathtakingly beautiful, witty genius and the stone-cold fighter who'd taken out five heavily armed soldiers effortlessly. Within hours of first meeting her he'd known better than to ask about her past but this... How did JT accept it so easily?

Combined with the residual shock and the massive knot of grief weighing down his soul he felt wired and on edge, ready to break at any moment or maybe punch someone in the face. His nails dug into the skin of his palms when he clenched his hands to regain some of what little composure he had. He regretted it when the cuts he'd received while crawling through the vents started aching again, but at least the pain grounded him.

Emma, Daryl and Kevin now took their seats next to JT and Lexx and joined the conversation and the Vulcan and the Chinese boy were approaching the small group, so, taking a last less calming than hoped for breath, Tommy hurried over to them, sitting down between Daryl and the Chinese. 

JT cleared his throat like he was trying to get everyone's attention as if he didn't have it already. "So, you all probably know already that we'll have to stay here for a while. It's not safe to return to the city."

Nods and abashed silence. Of course they'd known, but somehow hearing this spoken aloud made it more solid, real. An unchangeable fact, something that could no longer be denied or ignored. Their leader gave them a second to compose themselves and continued.

"That being said, we'll need some stuff to survive out here. Mainly food, of course, but also some basic meds, cooking utensils and clothes. But before we can see to getting these things, we have to figure out what exactly we need." JT lifted one hand and the mouths that had opened at this point closed without a sound escaping them. "That's why we need to organise ourselves. If everyone tries to think of everything, we're bound to overlook many things, so because of that I think we should divide them. I believe you are the most mature ones of the group, so, if it's okay with you, I'd like to assign different fields of work to you."

Again he paused, waiting for everyone to give a sign of agreement. None of them even hesitated before adhering, and neither did Tommy. It didn't exactly help his jealously, but he knew as much as everyone else that JT would be the one to get them through this somehow. He'd gotten them this far and after the Community Hall (an icy shiver ran over his back at this thought) well, things couldn't get worse than that.

"Alright, good." JT continued, "Emma, your father was a doctor, right?"

The ginger teen nodded, new tears welling up in her eyes, but JT's sympathetic look seemed to do a good job of keeping her calm. 

"So, when he let you watch, how much of it do you remember? Lexx and I know how to deal with injuries, but we will really need someone who has the knowledge to treat common diseases."

Emma's voice was still rough and shaky from crying, yet it was impossible to miss the determination in it. "I know my way around most meds, and I know a lot of domestic remedies against things like the flu or stomach problems. I've also helped with injuries and allergies. Of course I don't know everything, but I've read a lot too." Here she paused, a slightly dreamy expression crossing her face. "I want to become a doctor, just like dad, so I thought I best start learning early on." She visibly perked up at the proud smile she received from their leader.

"That's awesome! Really, you seem to know much more than I hoped and I'm sure you'll do just fine when it comes down to it. So if you like, I think from this moment on you're officially our CMO!" He waited for her to give a nod of confirmation and grinned brightly when she did. The redhead blushed when he gave her a celebratory handshake after JT's repeated reassurance that he had faith in her and her abilities, and Tommy had to smile at the odd festiveness of the moment. He couldn't help himself and started clapping, prompting some of the others to laugh and soon everyone joined him. When JT gave him an appreciative smile and nod upon seeing everyone continue to smile carefully even after they'd stopped it was impossible not to feel proud. The younger teen did have a way about him that made others want to please and be liked by him.

"Tommy?"

"Huh?"

"You've lived here all your life, so you're the one who knows this planet best. What do you think about being Navigations Officer?"

If he'd had them, the hopeful look in JT's bright blue eyes would have made any thoughts of rejecting this proposal instantly fly out of the metaphorical window. Tommy had always hated having spent his entire life in one place, especially one so out of the way of anything as Tarsus, yet right now he was glad for it. He prided himself on knowing nearly every corner of the colony like his back pocket. Just like Emma, he also nodded and received the handshake with a proud smile, embarrassment at feeling his face heat up when the others started clapping the only thing tainting this moment, a sense of purpose like he'd never experienced before filling him and he beamed when even Lexx gave him a small smile.

Daryl, who was calm, patient and compassionate by nature and therefore very good with children, got the title of Communications Officer. He would be the one looking after the younger kids, comforting and keeping them calm and from arguing with each other, relaying any problems to JT or Lexx, or, if they were of medicinal nature, to Emma.

Because of his liking of and experience at tactical hologames, Cheng was chosen to be their Chief of Security, the placement eliciting a wide grin from the normally rather stoic Chinese boy. His first order of duty would be to set up a rotating schedule for keeping watch, then he would have to find an emergency escape route with Tommy's help, though JT wouldn't tell them why this might become necessary and truth to be told, Tommy wasn't sure he wanted to know. _Ignorance is bliss._ The Asian would also be responsible for keeping their weapons out of the little ones' reach and, if it became necessary, breaking up fights.

Since her parents had both been biologists and she'd followed their work attentively with the for her species typical affinity for science and impressive memory, T'Jir would be their Science Officer, exploring the forest in search of edible plants, teaching others which were save to consume and which to best stay away from and studying the behaviour to the native rodents in order to determine the best way to catch them. She's assured JT and the others that, despite the Vulcan codex that forbade them to take other species' lives, dictating a strictly vegetarian diet, she would be up to this task. "These are unusual and difficult circumstances in which an exception is not only acceptable but also necessary."

In this she would be aided by Kevin, their newly appointed Chief of Engineering. As it turned out, the youngest member of their small group had always had a great interest in everything technological. For now the Irish boy's only task would be to develop and built traps to hunt whatever small game might be left in the woods. It wasn't much, especially considering the lack of tools and supplies available, but the young boy's eyes lit up at the thought of the challenge.

Tommy guessed that no one was surprised to learn that Lexx would take the position of their equivalent of a First Officer, at least he certainly wasn't. She'd been quiet for most of their meeting, observing the others with scrutiny and he wondered what she'd seen.

Soon JT dismissed the others, telling them to think about what supplies they would need, promising to call them for another meeting in approximately an hour, though it was clear that even he had no idea when that might be, yet no one argued, trusting his judgement. Just as Tommy made to stand up, the boy in question leaned forward to grab his arm.

"Lexx and I need to plan how we're gonna get everything we need and since you know the city best, we'll need you for that."

Tommy frowned, giving the other boy a questioning look. "I thought we couldn't go back because it's too dangerous."

JT shrugged and gave a grave sigh. "Yeah, but we also can't get most of it anywhere else, at least not as far as I know, and yeah, it's gonna be dangerous. That's why we'll need you to help us with the plan. You know how to move around the town without being discovered, which ways don't have cameras and places we could hide or regroup in case of an emergencies, don't you?"

He hesitated for a moment, walking the streets he'd known his entire life in his mind and nodded. "I'm not too sure about the cameras, but I think only the really big roads have them, but with the rest... If you tell me where we're going I can tell you the best ways to get there."

JT threw Lexx a questioning look.

"We should be able to get most things at the outskirts of the city." The Brit's voice, warm and smoky, made Tommy's heart flutter. "Clothes and cooking supplies definitely. Most households should also have basic first aid kits, actually, it's probably better to get those from the suburbs, in the centre they're likely to be empty. Identifying the empty flats and houses shouldn't be a problem and neither should be getting in, from what we've heard from the outside they were simply kicking the doors in and I highly doubt anyone bothered to repair them. I mean, why would they? It's not like the owners are going to come back and complain."

Even JT had to swallow at this harsh reminder of the previous day's events, but regained his composure considerably faster than Tommy. "So, we try to stick to the edges, because there probably won't be as many patrols and if there are, we can easily retreat into the woods, but we'll have to go in further for food."

The girl nodded. "I've seen the riots and the situation downtown. Unlike those in the suburbs, the people who stayed there had to hide their rations from the rioters and scavengers, so it's much more likely for the soldiers yesterday to have missed food during their search. I know how people hide things in emergency situations, I should be able to find them fairly easily."

"Yeah, that makes sense." the blonde replied. "So whoever goes will leave here at sundown, find high ground to stake out the city as long as there's still light. Tommy, I need you to think if there's a mountain or some high structure close to the town that we could access without being discovered. The next stop would be the suburbs and once we're done with that we'll need some place safe to leave everything until we go back. I'm sure you agree that we can't risk going towards the centre fully packed with whatever we find."

He and Lexx nodded their agreement before the girl spoke again, voice calm and factual, allowing no arguments. "I'll go."

JT opened his mouth but she cut him off before he could utter a syllable.

"Alone."

There was a moment of poleaxed silence before he nearly shouted his "No way! I won't let you!" the same moment JT said "Lexx, you can't go alone!" at almost the same volume, their words mingling into an inarticulate babble of protest.

She narrowed her eyes and gave them a cold look, sending shivers of fear down his back, every muscle in her body seemed tensed and she was coiled like a spring, looking entirely too much like the girl who'd expertly dispatched those soldiers. Tommy took a rather large unconscious step away from her but JT held his ground, even if he was just as tense.

"One would think youse would have learned by now that I am fully capable of handling myself. Anyone else would just slow me down." she said icily but relaxed marginally.

"It's too dangerous! You can't go alone, you'll need someone to watch your back. There are probably soldiers everywhere, you said it yourself!" JT protested, prompting her to give a humourless chuckle, but something in her expression changed. For a moment she somehow looked incredibly old, like a war veteran teaching children the way of the world.

"Believe me when I say, this probably doesn't even make the top fifty of dangerous things I've had to do." Finally she relaxed again, looking serious but no longer cold. "I'll be fine on my own, there's no need to endanger anyone."

JT shook his head. "You can't carry everything we need anyway."

"I can make several trips."

"And take that risk how many times? You didn't even sleep last night, did you?"

"I'm _fine_ , JT! I have gone much longer without. Besides, at least I know what I'm doing and I'm pretty sure I am the only one here who does when it comes to this. If it's just me, there's next to no difference between making one trip or ten. With more people we might make it in the suburbs, if we're lucky, but we'd have no chance further downtown even in the unlikely case they didn't exacerbate the patrols."

The two seemed to have forgotten Tommy's presence, as they continued trying to stare each other into submission like squabbling siblings who'd run out of insults to throw at one another. JT was the one to break the silence.

"Look, we'll take a few into the suburbs, so we don't need to make several trips. Then, while the others get on their way to bring everything back here, you and I make our way downtown." Lexx opened her mouth but this time it was JT who didn't let her speak. "You're right, going in with too many people would just unnecessarily endanger everyone. And I do realise that you could do it alone and that you've done worse things without help, but the point is: This time you won't have to. For God's sake, I'm your best friend, Lexx, and I want to have your back. Please, just. _Let me help!_ "

Tommy felt another small stab of jealously when, after a few more seconds of glaring, these words seemed to do the trick. The girl's gaze visibly softened and she broke eye contact, giving the blonde teen a tiny nod of agreement. They exchanged another glance, seemingly having an entire wordless conversation in the short moment and he felt like the third wheel, as if he were intruding on something he couldn't even begin to understand and with this, the urge to punch someone (JT) in the face returned for a few seconds before he got a hold of himself. This was helped by JT walking back to the others, leaving only him and Lexx.

The words forced themselves out before he'd even realised what they were, aiming for the same determination JT had spoken with, but even to his own ears he his voice sounded thin and almost shaky. "I'm coming too!"

The look she gave him was incredulous, but he held her gaze, even as she replied: "Not happening, Tommy."

"You'll need me, JT said it, I know my way around."

"No."

"Lexx..."

"No, Tommy! I'm sorry, you're a good friend, but if it comes down to it, I know that JT will do what's necessary and I doubt you _can_. Don't get me wrong, usually that's a good thing, it shows that you're a good kid, but in this case it's a problem. If you come with us, there's a good chance that you'll have to see things, _do_ things that you'll regret dearly. Living with those things is something I wouldn't wish on most of my enemies, much less a friend. I have no idea what the fuck you're trying to prove here, but believe me, it's not worth it!"

There was something haunted in her eyes, but Tommy didn't pay attention. Her words drove a hot knife straight into his heart, a blade forged of helpless anger, heartbreak caused by her dismissal and that _stupid_ jealously, mercilessly tearing into the throbbing muscle and _twisting_. Some part of him knew that she was trying to look out for him, yet all he could hear was _I don't need you_ and _You'll get in the way_ , where she'd just accepted JT.

What could _he_ do what Tommy couldn't, anyway? He pointedly ignored the voice that started whispering a long list of things in the back of his mind. Always JT, their golden knight in shining armour. The genius and hero, the good friend, the one all girls at their school had turned their heads to gaze after when he walked past, all golden hair and radiant blue eyes and just the right amount of mystery, all charm and mischievous grin. The very idea of prince charming come to life. His thoughts were almost dripping with bitter sarcasm.

He knew he was being unfair. It wasn't JT's fault that Lexx didn't return his feelings, he didn't intend to 'steal' her from him, he'd just been a better friend that he had and they had more in common. He wasn't smarter just to spite him, he just _was_ , and he _had_ just saved all of their lives, with the exception of Lexx and her two charges. JT had saved _his_ life and until now he hadn't even thanked him, instead, now that the daze of shock had worn off, he had just started snapping at him whenever they'd talked for more than five minutes.

A big part of him wanted to hate JT, but he knew he couldn't, instead he found himself striving for his praise just like the others and this made the boiling tangle of his emotions so much _worse_. Tommy wanted to stomp his feet and throw a temper tantrum and just generally behave like the stupid, pathetic little child like he felt he was. He had to turn around and practically run away so Lexx wouldn't see the tears threatening to spill.

-/\\-

 

The town hall was pretty far downtown and had apparently been transformed into makeshift barracks. Mike had almost chickened out before coming here, simply because in meant going this far into the centre of the city, yet the streets had been completely empty and his journey had been uneventful, except for the unidentifiable, absolutely atrocious smell coming from the direction of the community hall when he'd walked past it, a repulsive combination of faeces and something metallic. Thankfully it had been rather faint and from what he'd seen, the community hall was closed, no lights shining from inside. Then again, this was not really surprising with the state the colony was in. In said state, what would you need a community hall for?

The considerably smaller, yet still rather big town hall was practically buzzing with activity, a stark contrast after the eerie emptiness of the city. Soldiers in uniforms were yelling, hustling people around, most of them carrying one thing or another. A drop of sweat from the burning afternoon sun was tickling him as it ran down his neck and he raised his head skywards while wiping it away. Once again no cloud was in sight, the bright blue of Tarsus' sky further accented by the blue sunlight. Blue like her skin... He hadn't seen Andina in weeks and missed her terribly. Her soft voice and shy nature, the way she blushed in a slightly darker blue when his hand wandered to her hip, her soft lips and intoxicating laugh, how he could feel her breasts pressed against his chest when they made out...

Some of his classmates had been taken aback by her bald scalp, yet he'd always found it gave her something ethereal, a being from another world. He'd been drawn to her the moment he'd first laid eyes on her and the way her hips swayed when she walked, and subsequently spent eleven months pining after the alien girl, watching from afar and, once he'd summoned the courage, trying everything in his power to make her notice him. The memory of their first kiss alone was enough to make him feel the familiar stirring in his nether regions. Though they'd been together for month now, he'd never gotten any further than some thorough make-out sessions and after they'd had their first, and luckily only, big fight because she had felt that he was pushing her, he had come to accept the slow pace their physical relationship was moving at. There was no way he'd lose her over that. Also, he still had his imagination.

He mentally scolded himself for letting his thoughts wander into the direction that would urgently warrant a very cold shower, not that he wouldn't appreciate one in this heat, and refocused his attention on trying to figure out what he was supposed to do now. There were people striding in and out of the building in a hurried pace, those in uniform directing those, like him, in civilian clothes to different doors, some of them carrying their own uniforms, others looking almost as lost as he felt. At a complete loss, he decided to slowly wander closer until he reached one uniformed man reading something on his PADD.

"Sorry..."

The soldier looked at him the way one looked at the sole of his shoe after having stepped into a particularly disgusting pile of dog turd. "You another new one?"

When Mike hesitated to answer, he asked in a tone of pure annoyance: "New? For the troops?"

The teen nodded, whereupon the man just pointed at the far left door, proceeding to stride away without another word. Mike stood there for another moment before making his way to the door, where more young men in civilian clothes stood in a more or less neat line, slowly moving forward. Though it felt like he spent hours standing there, no one saying a word while more people lined up behind him, it couldn't have been more than a few minutes, the burning sunlight hot enough to melt time, making the viscous mass it became stretch seemingly forever. When he was finally stepping into the blessed shadow beyond the door, he needed to give his eyes a few seconds to adjust before he could see the soldier sitting at a shabby desk, a PADD in front of him. "Name!" he barked.

"Uhm. Mike Harlton. Sir."

The man scribbled something down onto his PADD and, wordlessly as well, pointed towards a corridor where Mike could see the ones who'd been in front of him while waiting walk. Apparently talking was uncommon here. He started his way down the light grey hallway, the sound of the man at the desk barking "Next!" and again "Name!" until he reached the door at the end the others had vanished behind.

Inside it was unbelievably crowded, young men shoving against each other to reach the shelves marked with numbers. Sizes. The shelves were filled to collapse with uniforms. What he had to do was pretty self-explanatory so he spent the next fifteen minutes trying to press past the others in order to reach the shelf with his size. This done, he let himself be carried towards the back of the room by the stream of bodies. There was another door with a sign next to it saying 'Storage' and a young, rather intimidated looking soldier stood in this bottleneck, handing out plastic bags.

The former storage room, with about seven by ten metres in size much too small for the number of people inside, was stripped of any furniture, instead someone had put up two rows of simple benches. It smelled of sweat, farts and cheesy feet. The people inside were busy changing into their brand new uniforms and Mike's reluctance to undress in such a public place was quickly overcome by the urgent desire to get out of the stinking room. Actually changing turned out to be much easier said than done, the constant bumping of body parts from various people turning the simple process into hard, and very awkward, work. Once he had finally succeeded and packed his civilian clothes into the plastic bag, he made his way to the open door at the right side much slower than he would have liked, stepping into another grey corridor that finally led him outside.

He squinted against the unforgiving sunlight as he stepped onto a thankfully rather spacious courtyard, yet even this place was full of people, now in their new uniforms, all pressed shoulder to shoulder, chests to backs, all standing in neat rows, so he took up the next free space. As soon as he opened his mouth to greet the man right next to him, he was silenced by the glare one of the officers marching around the group sent him. So talking _was_ uncommon here.

The courtyard was quickly filling with people, all of them lining up the way they saw the others do and they stood there in nervous, twitchy silence, their plastic bags at their feet, none of them daring to say anything. After an incalculable amount of time, an officer, probably their soon-to-be drill sergeant stepped onto what had to be some sort of podium that Mike couldn't see beyond the sea of occipita.

" _We are here to preserve the re-established peace!_ " he yelled, waiting for the tentative chorus of " _Sir, y_ _es, sir._ " before continuing.

" _We are here to serve the welfare of our colony!_ "

And more loudly now, Mike yelling with the others: " _Sir, yes, sir._ "

" _We are here to serve Governor Kodos!_ "

" _Sir, yes, sir._ "

" _We are here to follow our orders instead of hiding in our homes like cowards!_ "

" _Sir, yes, sir!_ "

" _We are here, because we are the best this colony has to offer!_ "

" _Sir, yes, sir!_ " everyone yelled, pride and determination on their faces. He was unable to resist the collective enthusiasm and stood straight and proud with them, his head high and heart soaring.

" _We are here, because_ we _will_ earn _our rations!_ "

" _Sir, yes, sir!_ "

" _We are here, because_ we _are the ones who_ deserve _the food!_ "

" _SIR, YES, SIR!_ "

-/\\-

 

 A rising breeze made the wooden remnants of the abandoned farm's water reservoir tower creak dangerously and JT froze, bracing himself for the structure's collapse which luckily they were spared for the moment. Yes, like Tommy had said, this was indeed an excellent place to watch over the city, the farm was built on a hill a few hundered metres from the edge of the suburbs and had been abandoned for years, the watertower offering additional height and cover, while it's one rotten and collapsed side allowed them an unobstructed view, but he would still have to talk to the other boy, assuming they survived the climb down. No matter how often his friend had insisted he'd climbed up here countless times without problems, there was no way this was even remotely anything like safe. As if to further prove his thoughts, the half-rotten wood creaked again, this time without the wind's prompting. To his left, T'Jir's fingers clenched tighter around the piece of wood she was holding onto and even Lexx, crouching at his other side, flinched. They hadn't dared to climb up with more than three people.

"I think we should be good to go now." he said to both of them.

After walking and climbing for what he assumed to be an hour, they had arrived at the farm shortly after the sun had vanished behind the mountains, but with enough daylight left to observe what was happening in the colony, which turned out to be next to nothing. There was no one outside, the streets were lying vacant and silent, the gleaming roofs and higher storeys of the buildings the city, not yet scorched in the riots, reflecting the purple of the darkening sky had given the sight a weirdly surreal look. Even as darkness fell, very few windows had their lights turned on, most people too scared to alert those roaming the streets of their presence. Except there wasn't anyone roaming.

The only people they saw on the streets were the soldiers they'd seen the previous day, apparently patrolling in pairs or groups of three, at least towards the outskirts. Once the darkness had considerably reduced their range of vision, they were still easily identifiable through the red glow the phasers emitted, casting long, menacing looking shadows in the bigger streets flooded by streetlights.

 He gestured for T'Jir to climb down, then Lexx, once he was sure the Vulcan had made it safely to the ground. He was sure that the rusty ladder would most definitely not hold two people at once, even if they were as light as the two girls. In the starlight falling through the hole in the wood he could just make out the flicker of her hand. _You first._ He shook his head, glaring at the direction he suspected her eyes to be in. _No, you._ They kept glaring at each other until the tower creaked once again, so the girl sighed annoyed and stepped onto the ladder, making a big grin spread over his face at having claimed victory in this small battle of wills. Somewhere in the back of his mind he suspected that she'd let him win, small moments like this were keeping him sane and he was sure she knew that, yet it didn't diminish this small spark of glee.

The rusty metal made another sound between distress and protest as he carefully put more and more weight onto the first step but it held, so he proceeded. It all went well until the second last step, here, one end snapped with a small crack and clattered against the last one, falling into the grass, just like JT did. Lexx snorted. He glared half-heartedly.The twins Aaron and Aidan started giggling, unable to suppress it any longer, Cheng and Kevin, who had somehow managed to convince Kara to let him go, joined them soon and even T'Jir's corner of the mouth quirked upwards the slightest bit, but at least Tommy had the grace to look a bit sheepish.

"Tommy."

The other boy looked up.

"Think of another lookout next time."

He nodded and cleared his throat awkwardly, making the others' giggling a bit louder, so JT gave them stern looks until they regained their composure. They obviously couldn't help the small amused smiles stretching their lips, but he was glad to see them smiling, to see them having a small moment of something like happiness in the middle of this horrible mess, so he ignored his aching tailbone and smiled back.

"C'mon, let's go shopping! Hey, we won't even need any credits!"

He let the sound of their quiet laughter picking up again wash over him, warm and soothe his heart. They probably still weren't over the shock entirely and neither was he, but that they were still able to laugh had to be a good sign. He needed this and so did they, and in this small moment JT felt like maybe, just maybe, he could do this, could keep them safe and sane and fed and then maybe, if they were really lucky, one day things would be alright. It was still early for optimism, but he still clung to this moment of hope because with it came a sense of foreboding, a feeling that he would sorely need this bit of hope if he wanted to make it through this. So he took the phasers Kevin had held, keeping one, handing the other to Lexx. He turned around and started walking towards where he could see the colony's lights flashing through the withered trees with a small skip in his steps, shoving everything but the hope into a tightly locked box in the back of his mind for later examination. Someone squeezes his shoulder gently and he turned to look at Lexx' guarded smile, like she knew exactly what went on in his head and had the same apprehensions but approved of his way of handling this.

But with each step they took closer to the city their smiles shrunk and the tension returned to their bodies and mood. They all knew the risks, he had made sure of that as he'd asked for volunteers, had done his best to convince them that he wouldn't be disappointed with those who didn't want to go. Once they'd understood that, many had lowered their hands. Initially he hadn't wanted to take T'Jir and Kevin because of their age, but the Vulcan had argued that her superior hearing would be a considerable tactical advantage and he'd been forced to agree, as for Kev, the eight year old hadn't let himself be dissuaded and JT suspected he simply needed a break from little Kara, who had spent the better part of the day physically clinging to him.

JT flinched at the to his keyed up senses unnaturally loud crack of someone behind him stepping on a dry twig just as the trees gave way to the outermost street, but he didn't stop, there didn't seem to be anyone in earshot anyway, and just opted to send a stern glance in the general direction of the sound. Right next to him, to his left, Lexx hesitated for the fraction of a second just before they had to step out of the cover of the woods and into the street lamps' neon light and he could actually see the change in her. She'd been just as strung up as himself, but somehow this tension was now replaced by one of a different kind. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them they had nearly the same look as the previous day, cold and completely focused.

As soon as his feet hit concrete instead of soil JT broke into a light jog until he reached the shadow of the nearest house, ducking underneath the window that luckily had the curtains drawn. From here he could see down the road that led towards the centre and soon enough he spotted one house that had its door broken down. JT turned around to find the others looking at him, waiting for his orders. He gestured to the building in question and waited for everyone to nod, then turned around again, lifting one hand showing three fingers and counted down. As soon as he lowered his hand the all broke into a sprint through the light, staying low just like they'd planned before they had left their hideout, and ran straight inside, stopping with him next to the door where they wouldn't be seen from the outside.

 JT allowed himself and the others a moment to rest and let their eyes adapt to the gloom inside, since they couldn't have any lights on. Once he could see a bit more, he took in their surroundings: They were standing in a spacious room with a modern white dinner table which reflected some of the light from outside. It looked to be fairly tidy, furnished in a plain but modern design but with very few personal effects. It had only this storey and there were several doors connected to this room, all kicked wide open.

"Alright, you know what to do." he whispered to the others. "And remember: Be quiet and no lights!" He pointed at them and sent them into different rooms in pairs, always one of the older ones with one of the younger ones. The twins had protested when they had planned it earlier this evening, preferring to stay together, and so had Tommy, who predictably wanted to go with Lexx, but now they went without complaint or hesitation, Tommy with Aidan, Cheng with Aaron, Lexx with T'Jir and himself with Kevin.

The room he'd picked for himself turned out to be the bathroom, he knew they probably wouldn't be lucky with their first task, finding a backpack or something similar, suitable for carrying whatever they might find in this house, but they looked anyway, counting down from one hundred until they met the others back in the first room. Tommy and Aidan hadn't found one either, but Cheng and Aaron had three backpacks and Lexx and T'Jir one backpack and one duffel bag. Wordlessly JT took one of the backpacks and turned back to the bathroom, Kevin in tow, while the others returned to their respective rooms and started his mental countdown, this time from three hundred and sixty. There was almost no light in this room, they couldn't make out more than vague shapes. Kev handed him a bar of soap and several bottles of _something_ , they'd have to see if it was useful when they were back. JT grabbed a razor and what he hoped to be a pack of blades and was in the process of stuffing a small towel into the backpack, when Kev tugged on his shirt.

"JT!" Despite the obvious excitement in his voice, his whisper was barely audible. Kevin pressed a box into his hands, curious JT moved closer to the opaque window until he could just so decipher the writing on it. 'First Aid'. He grinned and ruffled the Irish boy's hair. Lexx had been right.

"That's awesome, Kev!" he whispered back.

He shouldered the backpack, making the phaser press into his side uncomfortably, and, his mental countdown nearing its end and doubting they would find anything else that was useful, returned to the dining room, where he grabbed a jacket hanging from a hook on the wall. His gaze got caught on a picture close to it. The light in here was considerably brighter than in the bathroom, so he could make out a smiling couple with their daughter, who looked to be about sixteen, in between them. A happy family. The reality of what they were doing struck him, sending an uncomfortable shiver down his back. This family was dead now and they were intruding their home, stealing their things. He shoved the thought down and looked up to where the others were just entering the room, giving him a curt nod. _We're ready to go._

He walked to the open front door and stood there for a while, looking for their next target while the darkness protected him, then pointed at the next house with a broken door, seeing them nod and started his countdown. With a last look to confirm that no one was around, they sprinted further down the street and repeated the procedure. This house was smaller but less neat, with small decorations and pictures of an elderly couple everywhere. This time he and Kev got the bedroom, finding another backpack and taking some clothes. JT had to smile at the mental image of the kids in typical old people's clothing. His countdown reached zero and again they all met at the door where he peered outside to find another house.

There was another one a bit further down the street than this one had been, bigger too, probably two storeys, façade painted in bright yellow with a swing hanging from one of the trees in the garden. Children had been living there, but the broken front door was plainly visible in the streetlight. With a heavy heart he pointed at the house and soon enough they were running again. 

Suddenly, as they were about to enter the withered garden, T'Jir stumbled and gasped, an expression of horror crossing her face before she regained her control. They all stopped in their tracks and he whirled around to the young alien.

"What's wrong?"

"There is someone inside. I can feel them. So much fear!"

JT swallowed thickly. "How many?"

"Just one. Confused and afraid and hurt. They need our help."

The blonde teen nodded, thoughts racing. They definitely couldn't stay out here any longer, utterly exposed in the light, so it was either going in or going back, and if there was someone who needed help... JT sighed, there was no real decision to be made so he started walking towards the house, phaser rifle raised, the others following him without a delay. If whoever was inside turned out to be dangerous, at least they were armed.

The smell hit him as soon as they stepped inside. It was rather faint but still repugnant and it sent a small flutter of panic through his chest. Next to him Lexx tensed, gripping her phaser a bit tighter before turning around to him and the others.

" _Stay. Here._ " she hissed, then turned towards the stairway at the end of the corridor where the smell was coming from. JT gave the others a curt nod, indicating that they should follow the girl's order and followed her. He was taken aback by the pleading look she gave him but he shook his head anyway. _I'm coming with you._ She swallowed thickly, a flash of pain in her eyes but resumed walking up the wooden stairs soundlessly as a shadow and he followed her, unaware that Tommy had started coming after them as well. The further they went, the stronger became the smell until he nearly gagged. Upstairs was another hallway, the walls were white but full of pictures and children's drawings, four of the doors had glittering name plates on them, obviously handmade. The last one didn't and it stood ajar, a crack next to the handle showing where it had been kicked in. The smell got even stronger but Lexx kept walking and so did he.

When she finally opened the door, his mind refused to comprehend the picture in front of him, illuminated to perfect clarity by those _fucking_ streetlights shining through the window. He wanted to run and rage and scream. He wanted to close his eyes and hide away, yet his feet were glued to the floor, his eyes to the scene in front of him, his eyelids refusing to obey his command to close. On some level he was aware of Lexx face paling, pain and resignation showing plainly on her face. On some level he heard her whispered " _Shit._ " and Tommy throwing up behind him. He felt as if his body wasn't his own, like someone had detached him from it and he had no control anymore. Like this wasn't real, because something like this _should never be real!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading!
> 
> By the way, the Vulcan stuff T'Jir says is supposed to mean something along the lines of "I am eternally grateful and in your debt, JT. I thank thee."  
> (No idea if that's correct, I used the VLD.)
> 
> And once again, I'd be eternally grateful for any comments, they make my day!!! Itaren nash-veh odu!!! Seriously, I'm always happy about any feedback!!
> 
> I am looking for a beta! I've never had one before (obviously, as seen by the state of my writing and the sheer amount of typos), so I don't really know how that's supposed to work, but I reckon I may need one. Might also help with this updating-regularly-thing I've heard about (don't know if it exists, I'm not even sure what it is) to have someone nag me about writing. So if anyone is interested, please let me know!!


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